Why did he even bother going to court

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Why did he even bother going to court
5
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 5:08pm

I want to first off start by saying thanks to all of you for your prayers and support regarding my custody hearing yesterday.

Hear goes the update:

First it took all day, no surprise. We got on line to check in and he was there before me so as I passed him I gently bumped him and said hello, he replied and I went to the back of the line. He checked in then called me to him and I checked in. We went to sit, there was only one seat left and he asked me if I wanted to sit, I said it was okay. Later a seat became available next to him and I sat down. We exchanged a few words casually. Had to break for lunch, and we ate together, more casual talk. I tried to get an idea of what type of schedule he had in mind. You know he said he didnt even think about it. Im like huh. So I started asking what would he want. He was like the weekends he guesses b/c he goes to school during the week. So I said every w/e or every other? Said every other was fine. Then says well probably on Sundays b/c "I" probably want him on Saturdays. Im like hey wait a minute.

So we get back to court they finally call us, it wasnt a judge but like a go between before seeing a judge. He asked him about why he was petitioning for joint custody then asked me if I had a problem with it. I stated that Im aware there is joint legal and joint physical. I had no problem with the joint legal however was opposed to joint physical but in full support of visitation. So his dad was asking about overnights. That's when I addressed the issue about the carpeting. So the pre-judge said he wouldnt order any overnights until we addressed the issue about the carpeting. So he said to him what about Sat. say 10-5p.m. He says that's no good for him. Myself and the pre-judge looked at him like okay. So then I said this is why we had problems in the past. So he said well you both appear to be very concerned about the child and he recommended that we meet with a mediator to work on a schedule. And he suggested a parenting class for 1 night.

We go back in mid december and he said in the meantime for us to try to get some visits in. We left, discussing what occured, then we argued a bit and finally we were able to talk calmly. When we finally gonna go our separate ways we hugged briefly and that was that. This morning I had a meeting with the school district to see about getting the baby enrolled in preschool. He actually showed up. So were on trying to work on being there for the baby together.

Whew, court wasnt as horrible as I thought it would be. For now at least he's acting like he has a heart. Well see for how long. LOL.

I love you all and will keep you guys updated.

Have a great weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 5:13pm

I'm glad court went well for you. It sounds like your STBX is behaving for now. I went for the first time on Monday, and it wasn't nearly as scary as I though it might be. I actually thought it was kind of cool....lol! But I'm weird.

Let's hope we can both wrap things up with our STBXs calmly and peacefully.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 11:07am

This is a total guess, but maybe he was mad

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 9:54am

I believe you are 100% right. He doesnt want to be on a schedule. But doesnt realize that that is exactly what the courts will do. He had a better chance of leaving things the way they were between us.

He has to understand that he cant just have his way whenever he wants to get the baby. He did take him for like 7 hours on Sunday. I was glad for them b/c surprisingly the baby remembered him. I mean he didnt react to him like he does to me but it was just good to see. I knew he would have him with his girlfriend and that did hurt a bit I made it through. Besides my friend had come over and we spent some time together and that made it a bit easier.

The ex and I have hugged a few times, I guess trying to call a truce. We've been civil to each. He actually even complimented me on how great a job Ive done with the baby and told me he was really proud of me thanked me for letting him get him. I thanked him for the compliment and told him the baby was his to get. It was nice.

We will see if it lasts. But when we go to the mediator he will have to get on a schedule and I dont know how that will sit with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 3:28pm
He sounds just like my STBX. He wants to see them, but he wants to just get them for an hour or so here and there and have no schedule. NOT GONNA HAPPEN ANYMORE!!! LOL If he wants to be their daddy then he can get off his butt and stop putting them last. He's more like an uncle at this point. Actually, my brother sees them more than he does. My brother stops by their daycare during the day several times a week to play for a bit. gggrrrr.....why are these idiots so selfish, and more importantly, why on earth did we have to have kids with them??? I love my children so much, but it'd be great if a decent man had fathered them. Now I'm attatched to this moron for the rest of my life! ugh.......
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 12:18pm
It does sound like he didn't understand what going to court would accomplish for him. He wants you to be at his beck and call, but the courts don't work that way. Maybe when you go to the mediator you could suggest something such as "Every other weekend/every other Sunday, plus possibility of additional visitation (I don't know exactly how that's supposed to be worded, but someone here can probably correct me) provided __ (24?48?) hours prior notice is given" or something along those lines. Then you're giving him what he says he wants anyway and offering him more time if he would like it as long as he gives notice. I think the mediator would consider that very reasonable on your part, and if he won't agree to it then he looks like an idiot.