Why do I care?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Why do I care?
2
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:14pm

There is something that has been bothering me and I don't know why. STBX when he comes to visit (he lives in another state) and have time with the kids, is wearing his wedding ring. He is the one who wanted the divorce. He is the one who found someone else. He is the one who refused to consider counselling. So why is he still wearing it? And more importantly, why do I care? I want to ask him if he only wears it when he comes to visit or does he wear it all the time and take it off when he is with the OW.

It was supposed to be this symbol of our marriage and committment to each other. I want to tell him to take the thing off! It feels like adding insult to injury that he still has it on. Or more of a lie to think he only wears it when he is around us.

It has been less than six months that we've been separated. I took mine off after an awful court hearing - the lies, manipulation and attempted indimidation were just too much. I wanted to crush the ring to dust like he crushed our relationship.

So again, why do I care? I know I can only control how I let how he act affect me and not how he act.

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
In reply to: yayafan
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 11:36pm

I suppose the only way you'll know why he's wearing it is to ask him, but if it's a heated issue, perhaps that may not be a wise action to take.

I can understand how you feel about it, perhaps mainly because it's perplexing behaviour on his part. I suppose your reaction to seeing him wearing it is simply tied to the memories and the hurt that you feel. It's totally understandable. It sounds like you're still hurt, angry, and feeling betrayed and this particular behaviour is just getting to you because of that.

Sorry I have no good suggestions or insight, but I do understand how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
In reply to: yayafan
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 12:36am

Well... I wore mine for a while (I didn't want the divorce) because it was my way of clinging to the remains of the marriage... the rings were real and I could hold them and touch them... and it bothered me when xh took his ring off (and just put it on his key ring, where he could have lost it)... it was made of gold and had some diamonds in it... even if he wasn't wearing it, I thought he was being stupid by risking loosing it...


Anyhoo, I digress... you're right... you can't control him or his actions... you can only control your reactions... that being said, I have to wonder if he's wearing it to get a rise out of you... perhaps the best thing that can be done (if you've all ready asked him before why he's wearing it) is to just ignore it and not let him know that it bothers you on some level...


HTH!


Julie

 


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