why do I care

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
why do I care
2
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 4:37pm
my stbx and I have been seperated for 7 months and I have finally realized that I am happier for the most part without him. With the help of a counselor and reading this board I realized that I just liked the idea of being married and thought I would be happier in an unhappy marriage than no marriage and being alone.I guess with that being said I still dont understand why I cant quit thinking about him being with ow and how upset it makes me.I have found that the best way for me to handle the situation is to have no contact with him which is working well except that I have to talk to him every other friday on pay day since the divorce isnt final.The reason I have to talk to him then is because I am trying to get money from him for his share of the bills.He is still onauto insurance because which is taken directly out of checking acount and agent says they cant take him off until divorce is final. We have a 16 year old daughter and so our insurance is high and part of the reason is because his truck is newer than my car and is still on the policy and they say that even though he doesnt live there and dd doesnt drive his truck they cant tale her off of it. I think that he should be helping out with the cost of insurance is 264.00 a month and he thinks his share is 60.00. He always says he is going to give me more and never does but can go out for steak dinners with ow. If I could afford it I would rather just pay it and not complain so I didnt have to deal with him but I cant afford it and I dont think its right when he makes 3x what I make.Right now im in the house and paying the house payment and all the other bills by myself and all I am getting from him is child support.Can anyone tell me if this is the way it is going to be financially when the divorce is final.Is the cost of auto and health insurance supose to be included in his child support or should this be seperate expenses he should be paying.I know that I am in a bind because the divorce isnt final and I am trying to get the money from him on my own also his lawyer is telling him not to pay me anything besides child support until the divorce is final.Sorry this turned into a financial discussion when I was wanting advise on how to quit thinking about him and ow.I would appreciate advise on eithe subject. thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: helpdev
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 6:19pm

I hear ya sister. I go through the same thing, not as much now as before. The divorce was decided upon by both of us for various reasons and I was happy to be rid of him. I have no pangs of regret, but I get so ticked about him and his new GF.

We had agreed on 50/50 custody and I agreed upon no child support because he was SUPPOSED to help pay for their school clothes and have them on my work days (3 a week). WElllllllllll since the new GF came into the picture he doesn't help with their day-to-day expenses, I got left holding the bag for back to school clothes and he spends all his money buying her flowers and taking her places and won't even give the kids $5 for a school dance! My mother helped me by buying my oldest son new boots and my other son a new jacket.

He's been a real piece of work. My dd went to the mall (without my permission) and I had to go pick her up after working a 12 hour shift. He got on me because I "inconvienced" his night by being late to pick up the other kids because I HAD to go to the mall to find her. The kicker is if he had done his job supervising her it never would have happened.

So the thing that really burns my a$$ is that time after time I get stuck holding the bag and paying for everything and then he cries to his GF/mommy how he is doing all this parenting. She had the NERVE to say that if I am having trouble providing for my kids that I need to find a cheaper place to live and I should hire a babysitter so that HE doesn't have to take HIS kids when I work. Like I'm going to NOT have them on my days off. Funny if he's doing it all like he says how can he be there almost every night????

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: helpdev
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 10:58pm

I am with you both. I have been separated for 11 mos. I still think about him a lot but it is about how he is shirking his "fatherly duties". My stbx has been dating his gf for 9 mos..he cannot go anywhere without her!..I mentioned to him that my oldest dd wanted to go out with him alone (meaning no gf)..he said ok..then took her anyway? It just burns my a$$
He just found out from the kids that they have a Christmas concert next Wednesday, this happens to be the same night he takes them out...he called me, not to say how he was going to come to the concert, but "they" would have to take the kids another day during the week or the kids couldn't go to their concert. Huh?? helloooo
Well as far a "forgetting" the only advice I can give is to have as little contact as possible.. send e-mail's if you can..that is what I do..& try to know as little as possible about what they are doing ...my problem with that is that I work indirectly with his gf..so I know a lot of what they are doing.
I guess you will have to settle the financial before you are going to be able to create any real distance..unfortunatley I am not much help in that area..

just hang in there it does get easier..

Annette