why do i feel this way

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
why do i feel this way
4
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 11:25pm
I feel like ow gf whatever she is has everything and I have nothing.dd is staying with stbx and gf tonight and im sitting here feeling sorry for myself I guess.I just feel like she has everything and I have nothing.Gf is going out with her sister to party and have fun and then gets to come home to my husband and what seems to be their perfect new life.I know everything isnt always what it appears but its hard to keep reminding myself of that.If I dont want stbx back why do I feel like this? I feel like she stepped in and is living my life.I even had to hear from dd that gf had a cute outfit on to go out and all I can think about is stbx telling her how great she looks and how she gets to come home to him.I just cant quit thinking of them living like the perfect family together and im sitting here all alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 12:38am

I think it's pretty normal and common to feel the way you do. When I stand in the doorway and watch my ex and his gf drive away with my children for the weekend it kills me a little. When I hear that his mother has invited the four of them over for dinner on one of his weekends I cry because I feel like I've been replaced.

What has helped me is try really hard not to think of it in just that single image of them driving away together or all sitting at the dinner table together having a great time. I try to think of reality. The reality is probably that they do have some fun. But I also know it ain't all paradise as my daughter came home after the first weekend and asked me why Daddy and Sara fight so much.

I understand feeling like you're alone. I'm only on weekend number 3 without the kids so believe me I get how you feel. So far I haven't done more than eat, sleep and spend money I don't have. It will get better, just hang in there.

And if anything remember that the new woman has to deal with ALL the same crap from him that drove you crazy. I know I sound awful as usual, but I smirk every single morning when I drop my daughter off at her dad's and see the mess from the night/day before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 12:46am

I was doing okay in my separation until the first Christmas.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 9:44am

These feelings of lonliness and jealousy are all part of the healing process. I know it feels absolutely awful right now, but I promise, as time goes on, the feelings will diminish. Be kind and patient with yourself. Treat yourself well. I know when I was feeling alone and desperate, my thoughts were peppered with TONS of negativity about myself - I'd think about how awful and unlikable I was, how no one would ever want me, etc. When I would catch myself in that negative pattern of thinking, I would counter it with a positive statement. It didn't always work 100%, but it did get me off the track of completely negative thoughts and feelings.


HUGS!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 5:04pm

wow ... Susan,

what a bless-send you are; your words & truth just lifted my spirits 100%. i, too, am feeling desperately alone and lonely while my stbx is moving seamlessly along with his "new life" and new gf of 4 months. he recently told me as we were meeting to sign d-papers that he looked forward to our divorce with great joy. he then proceeded to compare this woman to me (4 months vs. 14 years), expressing that he is "crazy about her" and vice versa, how she supports him and i never did; how she understands him, is intelligent, has goals and initiatives (characteristics i never possessed according to him); and how he can't wait to be with her and start a family (which he never would with me--we faced significant infertility challenges for 10 years, and he would not seek treatment, but with this new woman, he is apparently more than willing). i know it takes two to divorce, and i apologized for all my wrongdoings in the marriage, but he refuses to, and has always been a very controlling, selfish, "always right" kinda guy, who was rarely present in our marriage. i took backseat to his business, golf trips with the guys practically every other weekend, and alcohol. but it still doesn't take away the fact that his words hurt me considerably. and after a week or so, i'm still reeling from them. but reading post after post on these boards have helped tremendously. knowing that you're not alone and hearing that i can get through this (eventually) from people who have survived and have found optimal happiness, such as yourself, truly, truly helps. sooo, thank you a thousand times!! :)