Why do I keep doing this????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Why do I keep doing this????
2
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 11:32am
Why do I keep trying to get my STBX to stop all of this and go to counseling with me and the kids. I love him so much this is slowly killing me inside. I just want my life back. I just don't get any of this. My DS asked me if daddy ever changed his mind would you marry him again. I really don't know the answer to that. I say NO because I would never want to be hurt like this again. But I know right now in my heart I would take him back in a heart beat. Am I just stupid to still trying to save my marriage????? I know he has filed but I still try. I really wish I could get a hold of my self and stop all of this and try to move on, I am still trying to hold on to HOPE that he will change his mind and drop everything. How do I move on from this.






wildthing siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 9:50pm
Sue, As I have posted before we are two of a kind. I have let my ex hurt me again and again since he filed in March, but yet I still want him back. You aren't stupid. You are scared and so am I. I don't know what tomorrow looks like and it is very frightening. I have even got down on my hands and knees and begged him to come home. He won't. I still tell him daily that I love him and all he has to do is come home and we will make it work. I never got the chance to fix the marriage. I didn't even know it was broken. I think with some counseling we could have made it work. Like your husband mine says he doesn't love me anymore. I am trying real hard to convice myself these days, that I don't need him. I am lovable. Also why would I want him to come home if he doesn't love me. I deserve better and so do you! Take care of yourself. Stay strong. We will make it through this. Especially since we have each other. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 11:08am

Sue-

I totally understand your desire to save your marriage. When my ex wanted to separate, I tried to show him how good we could be together, still had sex with him, etc. Then I reached a point where I realized that I had to start taking back some control over my life and thinking about what was best for me. I started distancing myself, and once I got to the point where I was no longer acting like a 'wife', I think it was actually the the best thing for both of us. For me, because it helped me to emotionally disconnect from him and start to realize I could manage on my own. For him, because he could see the reality of the choice he was making. As long as he's having his cake and eating it too, he doesn't know what divorcing and not having you as his wife will really be like. I'm not saying be nasty to him, just start putting some distance between the two of you and have separate bedrooms like roommates. Don't let him have it both ways - if he isn't willing to work on things, he gives up the privilege of acting like husband and wife. If he changes his mind and you're still willing (my ex wanted to reconcile & we did briefly, but after how badly I thought I'd do anything to have him back, I realized that it couldn't work because I couldn't trust him), then you always have the option of trying to work things out.

-sang