Why does divorce make you crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
Why does divorce make you crazy?
4
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 7:44pm

Ugh. DH got a piece of mail tonight that sent me into a tizzy. We are divorcing but stuck in our house together until we can sell - this could be months. It is torture for me. We have lived as kind roommates for years and that is what is continuing - he is, for the most part, acting like nothing has changed. We have dinner, see movies, go to the gym. That's what's killing me. It's the same, but not.

The item in the mail made me nuts. It made me want to spy and check to see if he was having an affair. Why does this happen?! I know it's a breach of trust and I don't want to go there but thinking he's lying is breaking my heart. I trusted him completely even though we were bascially celebate for years. All I've ever asked for is honesty and I think I got that but now I'm not sure.

I know I need out of this relationship. Why does the mere thought of the possibility of being lied to hurt so much and send me into a tailspin?

Lib

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 8:06pm

My ex and I tried living together (him upstairs me downstairs).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 12:00pm

No one likes being lied to or "played" so to speak. That's why it makes people crazy.

But hey - after my ex, I think he taught me not to believe pretty much anything that ever comes out of his mouth or anyone else's for that matter - lol. I mean, when people lie, whose to say that what they are saying isn't something that they don't believe is true? Isn't it ourselves that we always have to lie to first? Ya know?

I get the whole living together thing for financial reasons etc., but if you are divorcing - I don't get still doing the same things you did when you were married. Maybe you are both lying to yourselves in different ways with just that fact alone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 12:09pm

They are right, you have to stop doing things as a couple, so you can move forward as a single. He probably is cheating, and lying about. I cold-busted my ex, and yet he was rewritten history in his mind, and says now he never cheated. Whatever!

Regardless, you have made the decision to split, so start acting like it. Find a new cirle of friends, get out with old friends, join things that he is NOT a part of.

Divorce itself sucks, but life can be so much better once it is done!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 8:23pm
Hi Lib, sounds SO familiar. My "wife" and I have still basically been living life as normal with the exception that I've accepted we are over. She filed for divorce, it's done. Having said that, unfortunately for me, she is my closest or nearly closest friend. God that's awful to type. Anyway, we have continued to shop, eat, cook, check homework, etc together. Actually, in a lot of ways, if we weren't getting divorced I would think we were great. But, we are done. When she told me Saturday that she was pregnant (by the guy she stopped seeing 9/15/10, HAHAHA) I literally laughed at her. I was mad, yes, but mad that my kids now have to know what a scum bag their own mother is. A mother should be the most precious person in a child's life, a child of any age, not this one. She is a dirt bag. Sounds like your guy is a perfect match for her. Forget that loser, I KNOW it's hard, but you deserve better, with out knowing you I know that. Just accept that it's over as hard as it is. Sorry.