Why does it hurt?
Find a Conversation
Why does it hurt?
| Sun, 07-31-2005 - 12:01am |
Well, I guess I am just on an emotional roller coaster. My STBX gave me every reason to leave and I did. I know logically it is the right thing to do. It's just the whole time I have been doing it, it has been breaking my heart. He is in therapy and he so badly wants to get back together. I know for a fact I don't love him as much as I used to BUT I still do care a lot for him. He is going along with the divorce because it is what I want but he has told me that he only hopes that we will be together again. He has hurt me so much why do I love him still?
Thanks to all that respond in advance,
Cheri

Cheri, I wish I had some words of wisdom to help you through this, but I don't. All I can do is thank you so much for posting this. I am in the exact same situation. I am the one that wants the divorce. You'd think after all of these years or being ignored, him rarely coming home, being emotionally starved, I would be dancing in the streets with happiness about our marriage ending. But I am not. I am completely, totally, and utterly broken up about it. How can we still care for these men that have done so much to hurt us? I wish I knew the answer.
For me, this is the second time I will have filed for divorce. The first time, I didn't have the strength to go through with it. I hope we can both find the strength to move on and heal.
cheri800...
Pianoguy (who has sadly been through 2 divorces) felt similar to the way you're feeling right now.
What most of us go through is: REALITY LETDOWN. When one spouse files for divorce (for whatever reason), there's often an inner disappointment on one or both sides. Maybe it's because the dreams we originally had for a 'lifelong partnership together'...DIDN'T COME TRUE? So that "reality check" makes a lot of us a little sad!
But when you've exercised every possible option you can think of to keep your marriage (or relationship) intact...and NOTHING has been successful...isn't it better to "cut your losses and try to move forward?" Nobody enjoys the divorce process or the after-effects that come with it....but...can you honestly say that STAYING TOGETHER AND BEING MISERABLE WITH YOUR PARTNER---WHOM YOU HAVE LIMITED FEELINGS FOR---is a BETTER option?
Pianoguy