Why is he acting like nothing has happened??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
Why is he acting like nothing has happened??????
10
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 11:35am
Die Hard Cleveland Browns fan since 1986 Browns Backer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Well since things are over in your mind, I'd say you should at least consult a lawyer--it doesn't mean you have to file for divorce right away, but at least you can start thinking of how things could go and what your rights are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Probably because he does not care enough to react to the situation. If you take your kids and leave you will still get your SS and he will have to pay child support for both the kids. Money will be tight BUT it' will be better than living with a mean, unfeeling man who doesn't seem to care about any of you. You and your kids deserve better than this don't you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012

What baffles me the most is that he thinks that I

Die Hard Cleveland Browns fan since 1986 Browns Backer
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
He doesn't acknowledge his own bad behavior but of course is quick to criticize anything you say or do. This is a sign of an abuser. Sounds like you have had ENOUGH and are ready to leave. GOOD LUCK.












iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Then its time to call the domestic abuse hotline and get referrals as to what you can do ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.

I would suggest going over on Ivillage to the domestic abuse board and explain what you wrote here.. Your situation is in need of so much more .over on that board the great ladies will give you the proper resources and phone numbers and what you can do about domestic abuse AND YES ITS ABUSE..

i would also suggest counseling but only for you.. There is a great book titled "Why does he do that" By Lundy Bancroft. Please get a copy and read it.. but DO NOT TELL HUBBY about it. From here on in do not tell your husband what you are doing or planning to do or whatever.. really?DO NOT

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
I will need luck, I have been with him for 15 years and through counseling, just realized that he is Verbally abusive.....never could figure out why I could talk and talk and try to explain things and he ALWYS invalidated everything I would say......That book was amazing and I have learned a lot in counseling.....I have learned about the things I do wrong, but my therapist said that I can easily change my issues they aren't major.... I want to learn and grow as a person.
Die Hard Cleveland Browns fan since 1986 Browns Backer
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
That's great. But he leaves you no room to learn and grow as a person because he is in control of everything.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Hi,

I think as a result of therapy you are now aware of things that have not been able to name or put a finger on for 15 years. And, like many people who find out something astonishing, they have to process what they've learned. Then, react to it.

It's normal to experience shock at what you learn, and then anger. It's like a death: what you believed or focused on as "true" has died because of what you know. Now you have to process that information and make new choices.

I hope you're still seeing your counselor, because now the real work begins. WHAT do you do with the discoveries you made? What choices will you make for the future because of what you now know. (Because now you know you HAVE choices.) HOW will you choose to respond to your husband?

One possible outcome of your revelations is divorce. It's not the only choice. You are now in a position to renegotiate your marriage because you now know you've been manipulated and you no longer want that to be "status quo." Your husband is going to respond to a "different you," especially if you stand up for yourself and no longer accept abuse. Work with your counselor to learn tools to deal with his reaction to your "new self" because he will, even if he says he won't.

I do encourage you to talk to your counselor about how to deal with your abuse and your husband's abusive behavior. If you have children together, even if you divorce, you will have to deal with each other for the rest of your lives because of your kids. If you don't have children, then a divorce will affect you differently, but may not require lifelong coping ability.

I do suggest you educate yourself about your rights and responsibilities should you file for divorce and go talk to a divorce attorney. Don't threaten to file or file, until you understand those rights and responsibilities. You may also want to set up your own bank account, po box, and credit under your name before you file. There's alot of things to know.

In the meantime, you can't control your husband's responses (or lack of) but you can decide what you want yours to be. So keep working on yourself. Married or single you'll need to learn how to be a whole new person who doesn't find herself in another abusive relationship down the road.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
NFLLovingGirl wrote:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2011
In reply to: nfllovinggirl
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 1:16pm