Why is he doing this to us...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2005
Why is he doing this to us...
6
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 11:29am

I can't believe this has happened. Just last Friday my husband met me for lunch and we had a great time together--like we always do. Then Saturday morning, as we were sitting in the emergency room waiting for x-rays for my 2 yo daughter (she fell off her chair Friday night and broke her collar bone), he tells me he is moving out on Dec 1. Just like that. 13 years of marriage and 17 years together. I cried day and night for three days. I begged him why was he doing this to our family. We rarely argue, we are each other's best friends. And now he has turned cold as stone towards me.

My husband had been going through some rough times the past couple of months. He was crying a lot and would often mention that he regretted marrying so young and never having time on his own. I told him he really needed to go talk to a counsler to work these issues out because he sounded depressed. I was totally there for him. I felt so sad he was going through these issues. I figured maybe he was going through a mid-life crisis at 36.

But I am in total shock that this has happened. That he is walking away from me and our beautiful baby girl. And he is acting so strange--he says he will come over every morning and feed our daughter breakfast and every night to give her dinner and a bath. And it is so messed up--he goes out of his way to do things for me and still calls me pet names. Last night in bed,when he thought I was sleeping, he kissed me good night! I don't know who he is. It is like there is a monster living with me-- imitating who my husband use to be. And every time he is his old sweet self I think--ok he is finally coming to his senses. But then on his next breath he'll say something like " I think I'll take the green sofa with me if that is ok with you (its not!).

So here we are--just me and my daughter. I don't have any close friends because my husband and I had always been such best friends--I never needed anyone else. So I am 34 and I am totally alone. I do have my parents--but now all they do is tell me all the things they never liked about my husband. Which makes me feel worse.

I am fortunate that I have a good paying job (I don't like it very much though :-() I plan on keeping the house, although it will be a stretch for me. I am just so scared. I need to find other ladies who have BTDT. I need to know my world has not ended, although it seems like it has. I haven't been on the dating scene since I was 21 years old and I'm so scared I'll never find another man who will treat me right. I feel like I can't trust anymore. I feel deceived and discarded. I wonder how I will be able to juggle FT work and FT parenting and still manage to have a social life.

I am at work now and I can't concentrate. I keep running to the ladies room and crying. Everything sets me off, my newly married co-worker's wedding pictures, a pregnant co-worker (we had been planning a second child, thank god I did not get pregnant!). I am so pathetic. How long will this grieving last?

Sorry for the long post. I just need other ladies to talk to because I really have no one right now.

Thanks,
Gail

http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/nowayjose_mrb/Maya_crop.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 12:34pm

Gail,


I know exactly what you are going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 12:42pm

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 1:48pm
Hey hang in there, you are strong and need to be their for your child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 7:22pm

Having read the other posts I can just add my HUGS!

This is SO new for you. The pain is huge. It won't go away quickly. Just put one foot in front of the other. Having a job and knowing you can keep yourself and your dd afloat is a HUGE plus! Good for you.

I read your post and others and the pattern repeats itself again and again. Supreme selfishness abounds, apparently. I know we are to forgive and eventually we must, because unforgiveness just makes us ill in every way, but I still hope for some form of eternal justice for folks who do this for reasons so shallow.

HUGS again -- stick around -- lots of support here!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 6:37pm

Dear Friends,


One year ago my entire life fell apart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 7:36pm

I don't have any advice, as I'm going through this the same time you are. I just have to say I'm sorry, cause I know how it feels.

We've been married seven years and had our share of problems, but nothing major or any real fighting. We also have a 3 and 5 year old.

I was doing the "Act as if..." thing that the other poster mentioned, and it was working great for the last three weeks, up until today when I saw a crack in dh too. I just completely lost it after that and it hasn't gotten any better since then.

I won't tell you the whole story, as this is your post and your story, but I wanted to let you know that it really helps to know that I'm not the only person not going through this right now.

I wish you luck, no matter how it plays out.