Why is he playing with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Why is he playing with me?
5
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 11:03pm
Two days ago my husband says to me he is sorry for filing for divorce and that 2-3 times in the past week he has thought about changing his mind. I felt so good. I had hope. Today, once again, he has smashed my hope to the ground. He tells me he will sign the papers tomarrow. Everytime I try to believe in hope it gets destroyed. The bible says in Romans? "Hope will not disappoint". Then why do I feel so disappointed? God has done so much to take care of my needs in the last 3 1/2 months. Why do I feel so let down? He has taken care of all of my needs and I barely had to ask. I don't understand God's plan. I don't understand what good can come of breaking apart my family. How do I learn to wait for God's plan without going crazy? I have so many unanswered questions. I know God will continue to provide my every need and I just need to be patient. I feel like my ex and God are playing with my mind. How am I going to keep my sanity through all this? I am so lonely. I am so scared. Someone help me please. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 8:49am

honey, hugs to you. I know you need it :)


It is so hard when we cannot see the light. I guess for me, it took me actually sitting down and rationalizing everything I was dealt before I could honestly say, EVERYTHING happens for a reason.


Would you believe that I was in your same frame of mind 2 years ago? I wanted, needed, and couldn't understand why. I cried, I screamed, I fought, I thought, it was bad. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, Oh my god, I am a failure to myself and my children. WHY is this happening?


Then I finally answered that question.


I changed my way of thinking. My XH could do the worst thing to me and I would find something funny in it. He would tell me the WILDEST lies as to where he was and I knew he was with OW. I would find the lies so koo-koo that I would actually laugh. I would think about all of the good memories and combat them with all of the things he has done to me. I would remember that he wasn't there when we were together and I remember the lies and I remember lots and lots of things that made me realize I didn't miss him, I HATED his faults. I missed being married. So then I started rationalizing that this could be fun! I can start over. I can raise my children the way I want, I can make what I want for dinner, I can do little things the way I WANT TO. The bottom line, find something good in everything that happens. Even if its just "well atleast the sun is shining!". Soon, your thinking will completely change from I can't to I will.


Today, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. I am fullfilled and happy with my relationship. I know that it's possible to be 100% happy with someone, including myself. That is something I NEVER had with XH. If XH hadn't of left me, I would not be where I am today. I am taking care of me, my kids, my boyfriend and having fun while I am doing it. Something I thought would never ever ever happen 2 years ago.


Hugs to you and know that YOU WILL be ok.


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2005
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 9:04am
I'm sorry you are going through all this! Have you heard of DivorceCare? They have support groups in churches. If you can find a group near you they may be able to help you. There are also daily emails with helpful advice and uplifting thoughts. Their website is http://www.divorcecare.com/ I found this to be a big help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 11:20am

Brenda-I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. Like Angelena said, you're not alone in feeling those feelings - I've been there too. When your life is falling apart, it's hard to understand why this is happening to you and it feels like the world is against you. I know you don't feel it now, but you can make it through this a stronger person and build yourself a new life you'll be proud of. Sometimes unanswered prayers prove to be a blessing in your life.

-sang

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 12:19pm

Brenda,

Check out Job 14:7 "For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease."

Your STBX is having guilt spasms: one day he's regretful and doubtful of his decision. The next day he renews his resolve to go through with it.

Is it God's doing to take apart your family? No. That was your husband's decision. God is always ready to carry us through our trials. It's also harder for you because you are the one being left. Sometime ago (days, weeks, months or years) your husband made the decision to leave and he's already progressed down the path of emotional separation that you've just begun.

This is a good time for you to find emotional support and Divorce Care is a good suggestion. Check with your place of worship or call a few churches in the area to see if they offer a divorce support group or service. You'll find it helpful to be with others going through the same thing. I'd also ask about help from a trained "Marriage Saver" counselor. Some churches have lay people- married couples - who've survived a separation and/or divorce and they work with people like you and your husband to either prevent a divorce or to reconcile afterward. Check it out at www.marriagesavers.org.

Meanwhile, keep praying for your husband and your family. I suspect your husband thinks it will be easier and less complicated to be single again than married. He's about to find out how complex and difficult his life can be.

God Bless,
Wisdomtooth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 6:44pm
Thanks everyone. I was having a really bad night last night. Not a lot better today, but I am better. I wish there was something like Divorcecare out here. You see, I live in the middle of nowhere. Very Very Rural Western Ks. Population in the whole county is 5,000.We have more cows than people. He brought me out here so he could find work and now I am isolated and stuck out here. Thanks again. I guess I'll have to rely on you all for advice. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda