Why is he thinking of me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Why is he thinking of me?
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 3:14pm

Hello everyone....just need some vent time.....

My bday was July 30 and I was out attending a wedding. I normally wouldn't go but decided what the heck.....I can't live sheltered anymore and I have to try to get back to "normal." I wasn't thinking of my ex.....which surprised me but I was busy mingling and talking. My phone went off and I saw I had a text msg....it was my ex wishing me a happy bday!!!!!!! I nearly fell out. I did NOT expect that AT ALL. In fact, I would've bet my last dollar that wouldn't have happened. It was his idea to get a divorce. Was I pleased? Yes...but what lousy timing. I was at a flipping wedding! I don't like how I felt. I don't want to feel any emotion when it comes to him, but I did. I also thought of him the rest of the night....sigh. I didn't let it ruin my time but it put a damper on it. It brought back the pain and what could've been.

I'm asking.....WHY did he do that? We've been apart for almost 2 yrs, divorced one yr. It was incredibly painful for me.....still is somewhat but I'm making an effort to start a new life. I hate what has happened....and I've struggled in every way but what else is there to do? Life goes on.

Thanks for listening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 6:47pm

I really understand how painful that is. In my case, the best response I got was from my 80 yr old father who replied.... " more importantly, why the hell do you care what he says?"

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 8:23pm


I'm glad you decided to attend the wedding. Yes, it is hard and yes, it takes effort to "move on" (which means something different to everyone).

When you are the one who is "left behind" it is doubly hard because you were probably surprised by his decision to leave the marriage. The person who leaves a marriage has generally made that decision months, even years before packing a bag and saying "I'm leaving." So they've "move on" emotionally a long time ago. As for the one who is left, it's just the beginning of the shock of being left and then dealing with that reality.

I'd say 2 years is about the time length it takes to begin to feel "normal" again and that's two years from the actual divorce, not the "I'm leaving" part. So give yourself credit for taking care of yourself. As for your Ex sending Happy Birthday wishes, it may happen again for a couple of years. I have been divorced for 14 years now and it probably took me 10 years to feel OK with him wishing me Happy Bday and vice versa. i'm glad to say my Ex and I are friends now but we don't live in the same state and we only communicate when something happens in one of our extended families. It's cordial.

My suggestion is keep doing what you're doing - and that's one thing at a time. If you feel like going out to an event or inviting a friend to see a movie, that's great. Just take it as it comes.

Good luck and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 3:59am

Ahhh.....I love it! Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 4:04am

Wisdomtooth.....thank you for your response.