Why is it so hard?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Why is it so hard?
5
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 4:35pm
I do not understand...why is it so hard to leave?
I thought I was doing well, I thought I knew I wanted to leave because he can't be faithfull and doesn't realize that he has a problem (counselor says he has an addiction).
So after 15 years I said enough, we are divorcing and I am moving back home to France with the kids. He agrees to everything because it has been a long road but says he still loves me......
My whole family is trying to make it easier for me at home. My father has found a good school for my oldest son who needs to learn french quickly so he can keep up with school, my aunt has offred one of her empty appartment....
So why am I still sitting on the fence?
My new passport should arrive soon so technically in about 3 weeks we should be ready to move (H is deployed overseas).
Why is it so hard? After everything I went thru, after all he has done to me why can't I just let go. This is the hardest thing I ever had to do, worst than the pain of his problems, worst than loosing my best friend to suicide....
Anybody with answers? I was doing soooooooo good ,strong and all but all of the sudden I feel depressed and wish I could just stuff my head in a whole and pretend nothing is wrong! I want a miracle and my husband to fix himself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 5:48pm

Yes, yes, yes, of course you feel this way. You are grieving the loss of a husband and father, a relationship, the hopes for the future. So normal, so hard. Still, you are taking care of yourself and your children.

If, for any reason, the two of you (stbx) and yourself should ever want to explore a reaprochment (sp?)--there is no saying you can't. Go forward now and the odds you will continue your separate, and eventually blessed journey, but if your paths bring you back together -- hopefully both will be better people.

Grief is something you have to suffer through as you slowly work toward healing and a new life.

Easier said than done ...

Hugs,

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 4:23pm

Change is difficult.... even when you know it's what you need.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 12:07am
I know I can't move on because I feel like I want to complete the mommy-daddy circle for my son. despite the cheating, a part of me wants to hold on to being a family because that is what I treasure most. I need to convince myself that I am not a bad mom because stbx doesn't love me anymore. I hope I can get to that soon.
Are you in this same pattern? Are you scared to be alone? maybe a bad marriage is better than no marriage to you for a reason you need to examine. I hope you are more successful beating it than I am. It just hurts. Bonne Chance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:13am
Thank you for everybody who answered. I am not scared of being alone. I have learned to enjoy MY time and peace and quiet. I think that I ultimately I love my family and do not want to break it apart. H and I do not argue nor do we dislike each other. H came from a very dysfunctionla family, he was abused and as a result have emotional issues but I do beleive that he loves me. I just can't deal with the up and downs, the uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring and who will be the next internet grilfriend. He finally talked to me about "his problem" last night on the phone from Iraq. He said he knows he has a problem and that he really wants to fix it but he says he doesn't know if he has it in him, if he is capable of facing this. I am 35 years old, I want some peace. I want to know what tomorrow will be made of, I am tired of waiting for the sky to fall.
Sadly I do sit here and have to ask myself, if I love him and he loves me why do I have to leave? Why can't I trust he'll beat his addiction? I guess only I can come up with the answer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 6:53am


Hi Frenchyie,

You've come a long way and made many moves for that peace you want. Don't stop now.
His comment

"that he really wants to fix it but he says he doesn't know if he has it in him, if he is capable of facing this."

says it all in a nutshell. He may have come from a dysfunctional family, but that is no excuse who he is today. Calling it an addiction just gives him reasons to do it. It's a way of keeping you and still playing the single life.

You don't deserve that. The change is hard, but it will be much better than the roller coaster ride you are on now.