Why is it so hard to move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Why is it so hard to move on?
3
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 7:23pm
My husband is moving out tonight. He's finally leaving for good. He left last weekend and I was fine with it. I guess because I had a feeling he would be back. He finally decided today is the day. Its driving me crazy. He has been here all day. Same as usual. He acts as if nothing is going on. We never fight, so I wasn't expecting anything like that. But he has been dragging his feet all day. He KNOWS I don't want him to go. He KNOWS my daughter doesn't want him to leave. But he stayed all day and now its evening and he just took my daughter shopping. I really can't take much more of this. My heart is thumping and I'm a nervous wreck. He was outside and I asked him why he was waiting so long. He asked if I wanted him to hurry up. I told him what I wanted was my family back. He then took a shower and took my daughter out. He's not even packed yet!!! I really can't take much more of this. Its been over a month and I'm still having such a hard time moving on from this. I feel like he's stalling on purpose to make me more upset. He talked this morning about how he did everything in his life to make everyone else happy, but no one ever cared about his feelings. I really don't know where this is coming from, since he was the favorite of the kids, and I was his doormat (his words, not mine). Our marriage counselor believes he is bipolar, but I'm not sure. I thinking he just wants out after almost 20 years of marriage. I did set boundaries the other night. I told him if he was leaving he had to stay gone. There would be no coming to the house every night to work out and shower and eat like he thought. I told him if he really wanted to be single, he needed to be out there and not have his cake and eat it too. I was pretty proud of myself over that one. He then turned into a spoiled brat and left on Friday morning and didn't come back until 8:00 last night. My poor daughter was up crying all night over him, since he turned off his phone and she couldn't reach him to make sure he was ok, or tell him goodnight. I don't know what's happened in the last month, but he really has become a spoiled jerk who has to have his way. And that is SO unlike the man he used to be. I don't know why he is doing all of this. Sorry, I guess I just needed to vent. Guess I'm having one of my roller coaster days. Thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 7:39pm

Your H sounds a lot like mine. My H moved out of the house back at the beginning of May saying that he did not have the same feelings for me anymore and that it was time he was happy. I have since found out the reason for leaving was an affair. We have been trying to work on things but he continues to live on his own. He does come over just about every day to see the kids. We are getting ready to go on a family vacation tomorrow for the next 10 days. We have not slept in the same house together for the past two months and now we will be together for 10 days. Go figure. My H has also been diagnosed with major depression. The problem is that he is not taking his meds so I don't know if he will ever get better. I asked him to stay with us tonight since we leave for the airport at 6:00 in the morning and he said he will be here at 5:30. I am at the end of my rope being supportive of him. The problem is that I feel like he is trying to decide if he wants me or a life on his own. How do you leave a marriage of 12 years (we have been together 14) and two children to start a life on your own. Then there is the OW that he says he is not seeing/speaking to but you know she will be there when I leave him. I just hope it does not come to that.

Hang in there. Be strong for your daughter and focus on the two of you not your H. Right now he is not in a state of mind to think of anyone but himself. Hopefully he will see that the grass is not greener on the otherside1

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 9:20pm

Sending lots of hugs your way.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 6:14am
I want to thank you for your support and kind words. My husband did not leave last night. He said he couldn't get ahold of his mother. He also said he didn't want to play emotional games with me, but he couldn't just show up at his mother's house w/no one home. So here I am today again. At least I will have work to take my mind off of it. I have no idea why he wouldn't have called earlier yesterday to make arrangements. I also asked him if he was taking his stuff w/him this morning, since his job is about 2 minutes from his mothers (about 45 min. from us). He said no, he'd be back tonight. Then he asked me if I thought it would be a good idea for him to take his stuff this morning. I didn't even answer him, since he made this decision and I'm not going to make it easy on him by telling him what is good or bad. Hopefully, today might be a little better day. He's even confusing my daughter really bad now. Last night she kept asking "Mom, when's dad leaving?" She knew he was supposed to go and was dreading it as much as I. So, it looks like today's the day. It has to be. He is causing way too much chaos in my home with this whole thing, which neither my daughter nor I can handle anymore.