Why so hard....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
Why so hard....
4
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 2:29am

I am the one who left to make a better life for me and my kids.

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: weesa08
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:36am

Your story sounds much like mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
In reply to: weesa08
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 6:43pm

Hi there!


Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: weesa08
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 7:28pm

You said it yourself, so well........"why when it comes to our own lives, are we so eager to stay because it's familiar and safe even when we know it's not what is best for us".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: weesa08
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 1:31pm

I can relate so deeply. In my case I'm 41 and we will have been married 18 years in January. It hasn't been a bad marriage, but it hasn't been a great one, either, and I know there has been more than one time in the past where I have seriously contemplated leaving. It always came down to the fact though that I loved my husband and I kept clinging to the belief that it WAS possible for us to arrange our life together in a way that worked for both of us. The problem that always remained, though, was that my husband never could figure out what he really wanted or what would work for him, so I was left being the one always trying to "make things right". It led to a lot of resentment on his part. In all honesty, I should have left a long time ago instead of clinging to a naive belief and getting blindsided by HIS abrupt decision to leave.

He has been feeding me all sorts of lines about how he still loves me but he's been so miserable for so long now that the ONLY thing that could possibly ever make him feel happy again is to be able to focus only on himself for a while. That means, apparently, making all his decisions based only upon what he wants and not having to worry about how it affects me or the kids, being financially responsible for only himself, and being able to sleep with other women. Basically, being twenty again. But, according to him, this might be only temporary and he may very well end up wanting to come back home as long as I am supportive and understanding...whatever!

There comes a time where you just have to give up and walk away, and you'll end up stronger and happier and healthier for it. So will your children. We split in February and I had a lot of very dark, very sad, very depressed days at first. Since I've moved into my own house (a 1896 Victorian, no less - :) ) and seen how much happier my boys are, I've started feeling completely different, like a new person. I deserve so much more than to spend my life trying to prove my value to someone. I don't have to prove anything...all I have to do is look at my fantastic children to see that. If STBX can't see it, it's not worth my time to argue the point. I already know better...and if he doesn't, it's his loss.

I don't know if that helps...but I do know that if your situation is like mine, you are soon going to feel like a brand new woman!

Hugs,
Lori