will he divorce me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
will he divorce me??
3
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 6:43am

hi guys

i really want to save my marriage.some things have got better and some bad.good things-my husbands temper has cooled down a bit.he gives me money and i spend on his credit card.sometimes he gets jealous if i party out late night.he has put restriction on me that i should be home latest by 11.00pm.when am unwell he calls me and checks how am doing.
bad things-sometimes he makes dirty faces when i try to talk to him.he has completely stopped talking to me.he just doesnt answer and if i force he justs nodds his head.he does not get nude in front of me the way he use to.he changes inside the loo.he hides himself as if we are strangers or he is shy to show me.he carries his cell phone when he goes to loo for a shower.he is missing whole day,he leaves for work in the morning at 9.00 and comes back home at night 2.00.he says he does not want to stay with me but i want to.
is there any way i can change his thinking?i do whatever he tells me to like he told me not to call him so i dont.he told me not to cook for him so i stopped.

it got bad the day i went and scolded his girlfriend.i told his girl that my husband loves me and we are planning to have a baby.why are you after my husband and if you dont leave i will report to senior management in the office.in a way i provoked her.since that day my life has become hell.she is single.

its been three months of my suffering.i want to save my marriage as i have stayed with him for 13 years and we have no kids.am 31 years old and my husband is 32 years old.

my husband is a nice guy and i know he will change once that girl leaves but she is just not leaving.is there any way i can make that women go.

thanks in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 6:52am

1. he's got a girlfriend.
2. he wont talk to you
3. He tells you to be home by 11, yet he comes in at 2
4. he wont get undressed in front of you
5. He takes his cell phone everywhere-including the shower
6. He's missing all day
7. he told you not to call him
8. He said he doesnt want to stay with you.

I know divorce is a hard decision. I know the pain involved in it. But the above reasons--actually, just one of the eight listed above, is plenty reason to get divorced.

When I read your post, the song "I cant make you love me" came to mind. You cant make a person love you. You cant change their thinking. All you can do is take care of YOU and take control of your life. You cant force someone to stay married to you and to love you. That girl isn't going to leave, because HE wants her to stay.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is focus on you. DO NOT get pregnant-that would be the absolute worse thing you could do. You are young without children. Why do you think it's ok to be treated like he has treated you? You might want to seek counseling to help you clear this fog.

But my opinion is-cut your losses. Find a place of your own and learn how to life live independently without this "man" dragging you down.

Hugs

Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 8:09am

People do not have affairs because someone else forces them into it. Breaking your vows is a choice, and it's a choice your husband has made willingly. What you describe does not sound like a marriage at all, and it is certainly an extremely unhealthy situation. You need to seek counseling right away to find out why you want to stay in this horrible situation.

As far as "will he divorce you" it sounds like he already has - it's just not legal yet.




Edited 3/17/2005 9:11 am ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 2:08am

dear B&B: I am so sorry for this, but i am afraid that i agree with the other posters. you can't *save* something that doesn't exist! you don't HAVE a *marriage*. your husband is with another woman, he told you that he doesn't want to be with you. its not "this girl" who is doing anything - its YOUR HUSBAND who is making these choices.


I really am sorry for you - i know how hard it is to be able to get up and face facts, and accept things as they are - i have been thru different problems, but i remember how difficult it was for me to accept that my ex (then husband) is simply abusive.