will he ever stop being so angry
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will he ever stop being so angry
| Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:24pm |
My husband and I got married very young and started having kids 1 year into the marrage. Before all that started we had a little problem with other guys persuing me. I have always been the tom-boy type girl who cleaned up well and when I was "cleaned up" guys would just drive me crazy. Now when I'm in a relationship I'm always loyal dedicated and honest. My x's know this and when I'd move on they would cause trouble. So when my husband and I first started dateing ofcorse there were people with rumors like a high school night mare. Well we got past them cause there were other people who could back me up. Years later after the birth of our first child other things had caused me to determine our relationship was not healthy so I ended it. At the same time my previous X came back from Iraq & found out and again was trying to persue me back. I made it loud and clear to my X that nothing was gonna happen between us and that was the end of it. He went on w/ other people. However his father had offerd me the appartment that he owned when it came available and with it being such a great offer having a little baby and all I thought I had no choice but to take it. So Despite that fact that I never saw my X ( he was still in the Marines and had to go back to base) my husband still swears we were envolved. Eventually (1 month later) my husband and I got back together. A few years later the events from before got brought back up. My husband had all these allagations that were way off and had made himself belive them. I mean down to the last detail of stuff he imagined in his mind and then believed to be true. No matter what I have said or done to try to show him that he's just imagining things he still believes himself. There were alot of people envolved at the time who have found out he feels that way have gone out of there way to try and reasure him that nothing happend. Well 4 years later and 2 more kids (totaling 7 years together & 3 kids)we are recently seperated again. Because he still refuses to get past what he believes happend. And due to the years of him harboring how serious he really felt about this he became an alcoholic.
Now I'm the one who told him to leave saying that if he couldn't get past that then we couldn't stay together. He basiclly blames me for everything thats wrong between us forgeting that there was a reason I left him in the first place. He's only focused on what I did (in his mind)and refuse to go with me and get help. I am very sorry for the way things happend and regret not thinking clearer and making a better call all those years ago. But I'm also the type who believes everything happens for a reason and when I had decided to take him back the first time i truely felt that us being seperated had helped me to realize how much I really loved him and wanted to be with him and for better or worse I was willing to face whatever was thrown or way. And due to how persistant he was in wanting me back and all the change he was then willing to make I truely believed we were gonna get through this.
since we split I've tried to talk to him on a more calm level and he's now refusing to stop bringing it up. All his calls are angry and hurtfull. I've even offerd to still go to counseling even though we're seperated and he still makes me feel so horrible. The only way i can compare the hurt and frustration is: its like if you know someone who's on death row for committing murder and they didn't do it but you know who really did it and the wrong person is paying for it. In other word I just can't sit back and do nothing to try and deffend my innosence. I have to say something. But the problem is that he wants me to admit to something I never did.
Other people who know the both of us are suspisious that he's acting this way out of his own guilt for doing something wrong and he's taking it out on me. I don't know what to believe or how to handle this, any outsider help would be greatly appreciated.
Now I'm the one who told him to leave saying that if he couldn't get past that then we couldn't stay together. He basiclly blames me for everything thats wrong between us forgeting that there was a reason I left him in the first place. He's only focused on what I did (in his mind)and refuse to go with me and get help. I am very sorry for the way things happend and regret not thinking clearer and making a better call all those years ago. But I'm also the type who believes everything happens for a reason and when I had decided to take him back the first time i truely felt that us being seperated had helped me to realize how much I really loved him and wanted to be with him and for better or worse I was willing to face whatever was thrown or way. And due to how persistant he was in wanting me back and all the change he was then willing to make I truely believed we were gonna get through this.
since we split I've tried to talk to him on a more calm level and he's now refusing to stop bringing it up. All his calls are angry and hurtfull. I've even offerd to still go to counseling even though we're seperated and he still makes me feel so horrible. The only way i can compare the hurt and frustration is: its like if you know someone who's on death row for committing murder and they didn't do it but you know who really did it and the wrong person is paying for it. In other word I just can't sit back and do nothing to try and deffend my innosence. I have to say something. But the problem is that he wants me to admit to something I never did.
Other people who know the both of us are suspisious that he's acting this way out of his own guilt for doing something wrong and he's taking it out on me. I don't know what to believe or how to handle this, any outsider help would be greatly appreciated.
Signatures On
| Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:20pm |
Some people are just unable to accept that they are equally responsible for the breakdown of the marriage and as a result make up all sorts of accusations to alleviate the need to be responsible. My STBX is the same way. The lies he has told about me are totally outrageous- and even though there is a seed of reality in each one, they are spun into fantastical lies. (i.e.: Yes, I was on antidepressants in 1999. Does that mean I'm crazy and don't deserve to parent my kids? No) I understand how frustrating it is to deal with that. But I also know that there is nothing I can say or do to change his perspective. I've given up trying to convince him of the truth and defend myself. He still carries on with blaming and shouting about how unjust it all is at every opportunity, but I try (and it's very hard) to ignore it. I have a suspicion that your STBX is the same way. Perhaps disarming his attacks by letting him know that you don't care what he thinks will help. But in the end, don't let his lies and machinations get to you.
| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 6:14am |
Sounds like he is abusing you over the phone. I would put a stop to that until he can speak like a rational human being. Try using email, at least email can be documented for the courts incase he threatens you or your children.
| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 5:53pm |
Thanks for taking the time to read my novel! This sucks because I know he still wants to be with me, he just cannot get himself away from the time I left him and its haunted him for so long the pain has driven him away. So now since he isn't here (but still wants to be)he keeps making it like its all my fault and then asking me a million questions out of jealousy.I feel like he's reasuring himself that I'm still miserable and not out with anyone else. I hated when he was here cause I was walking on egg shells everyday for 4 years. No matter how innosent I was he will never believe me. Sometimes I think I understand that better then he does. I just wish men were more true to their emotions and to their heart.
| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 7:05pm |
Thats a good Idea. I could ask him to do that, but I'm sure he'll say I don't want him calling me so my immaginary Boyfriend doesn't know he's calling. Or so I don't get caught with someone else in the back ground. thats how warpped his mind is. I spent the last 4 years walking on egg shells cause he has an over active imagination. I never had an A, but he's still living in that moment in his mind and can't get past that. It's like I'm stuck in time. Can text messages be drawn back up like an e-mail? I'm not good with electronic stuff.
