Will I survive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Will I survive?
4
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 11:54am
I was married for 11 years, now divorced for 7 1/2. My ex has put me through let alone enough during our marriage but even more after the divorce. He has made threats to physically & sexually hurt me since the divorce to the point I had a restraining order in place for a year. His way of disciplining the children was to threaten to break their legs if they didn't behave, which I reported to the police. My daughter at the age of 4 years old was sexually molested by his girlfriend’s children while she was in his care. My ex has also taken her from daycare with out my knowledge and then called me at work laughing saying he has our daughter. I was eventually asked to leave my job due to the harassing phone calls and visits he would make. He has shown up drunk for the exchanges, I did not let the kids go with him. My ex has always played the poor poor pitiful me act with everyone and has a drinking problem to which he will not admit to. He has taken me back to court several times over the past 7 1/2 years just to be malicious and when he has lost in court he, his new wife and his sister are in my face yelling at me to the point I have to have a police escort to my car.
Our son who is 19 and quite a gentleman at that is in college also working a full time job ( very good job, which may ultimately pay for his college ) which I am the only parent who is helping him, I also gave him a car with no help from his dad. My son wants nothing to do with his father.
I am the responsible one with my children and have been the primary custodial parent. However, now my ex is taking me back to court to get full custody of our daughter who is 12. Now that my ex is remarried he and his new wife feel they are better parents than I have been because I am not married. My daughter does not want to be taken away from me and really doesn’t want to go with her father because she knows the only reason he is doing this is so he doesn’t have to pay child support, she says he doesn’t even spend time with her when she is there. My daughter just started middle school and is having a hard time with the transition along with all the other students as well. My ex is using the fact that my daughter’s grades were not very good the first trimester against me saying this is the proof that I am not a good mother. I have always been the one to be there for my children, taking time off of work when they are sick, taking them to the doctor, dentist, and orthodontist. The ex has not even wanted visitation over the years stating he worked to hard that week and he is tired, backing out at the last minute or making the children wait for hours before he picks them up. No one seems to be able to see this game my ex and his new wife are playing. The Judge is always the same one since our divorce has gone through a bad divorce himself; he is not objective on his rulings due to his private life.
This is the third time the court has brought a child advocate into the picture, that last 2 have agreed that I am to be the primary custodial parent. This time the Judge chose an advocate that is Pro Dad. I am being put through the ringer our court hearing on this issue is in 2 months.
I am beside myself that the court system can put a responsible person through this. Or that the law would let this happen as well. I am disgusted! When will I be able to move out of the survival mode and be able to live again? When will someone in the legal realm see what my ex is doing, other than my attorney? My friends cannot believe how strong I have been through all of this; I just say “It’s for my Children”. I love them unconditionally.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 7:58pm

I have no magic words...hang in there and stay strong.
You sound like a terrific strong woman that has done a wonderful job raising your kids in a terrible situation.

I believe that whether the Judge is "pro dad" or not, the truth will be seen. Their (her)father is not now suddenly the "right" choice for a parent, because he is married, and the courts will see that.

Good luck to you.




Edited 11/27/2006 12:12 am ET by sachdunk
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 7:52pm

Thank you for your response and words of encouragement. I feel so alone sometimes in all of this. Both of my parents are gone so it seems like I am all alone and have no one to talk to. I just keep going, When I see my children's faces and their eyes looking at me as if to ask what now Mom. I just tell them not to worry that Mom will take care of it, but after this long it is really starting to take it's toll.

Thank you again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 7:44pm

Just wondering how things are going for you?

I hope you are continuing to hang in there!! You have this long, I am sure you still are!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 8:22pm
First off I would like to say that I hope you don thank all men are like this. For one I am a man and from what I have read it seems like he need to be put in his place when it comes to treating children and a woman. May I also say that I am very proud of you for being there for your children. Thats what its all about you and your children. I went through some what the same thing with my exwife and her family but I also found it helpful to write everything down even when it came to phone calls. Now as for going to your job and what not that is harsment and he can go to jail for that. I am not sure where you are from but I can only say that the courts should see right through his bull as well as his new wifes. Take care and hang in there God bless you and yours.