Will I?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Will I?
33
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:12am

I understand the title of this msg board of course, but really, will I survive? How?

As broad as the above questions are, even I, being male (am I even allowed here?), have nothing but a sporadic cluster of holes in my inner self that nothing seems to fill. I blame guilt.

I don't necessarily need a shoulder, but I'd sure like to hear a woman's perspective or advice on how to survive the excruciating pain that comes with separation, no matter who initiated it.

Thank You,
M

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:52am

Welcome! and YES! you're allowed here. We love the guys here! Just remember not to take offense to the intermittent "all men are pigs" comments.

The way we get through it is day by day. Or by finding the humor in our situations. By the knowledge that we're not alone.

I think that the most important thing is to not underestimate (or overestimate) yourself. We can't do everything, we're not perfect, BUT we're stronger and more capable than we think we are!

Keep coming back.... vent or ask questions. We're all in the same boat.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 12:07pm

Sweetie you are always welcomed here. The pain is the same no matter if you are male or female. We all have souls and hearts and blood in our veins. We all feel. Being one who is going thru a separation I did not initiate I know how hard it is to be on the receiving end. Also, my first husband cheated so I know all too well how crappy it feels to be rejected. My husband is not doing well with it either. Sad. We are in the process of working on things but it does not make it any easier to sleep alone each night. Take it one day at a time. It will get better.

~Melissa~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:05pm

Thank you for the advice callalily65, in regards to not taking offense to the AMAP comments. Honestly though, I feel more like swine now than I've ever felt. Gladly this feeling is intermittent though. When I think about how good of a person I want to be, and how daunting the task to reach that peak seems, well, "pig" seems more than appropriate.

I'll take yours and all others' advice. What I take now, I'll give back ten-fold when my strength has returned. I never forget the ones who've helped, ever!

Again, thank you.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:14pm

You could have stopped at "Sweetie" and made a difference in my day. I haven't heard that word in what seems like....... eternity.

Most of my acquaintances, including my family, have left me to fend. My parents do not call anymore (I used to count that as a blessing), anything I say to my siblings gets back to the family in such a way that I wonder if they were listening to me or the Jerry Springer show. My S2BX filters everything I say through the lie strainer and of course nothing comes out of my mouth unless it's a lie - from my feelings, emotions, to you name it.

Anyway, thanks for your first word! And of course, all that followed.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:27pm
My goodness! What did you do to deserve such treatment from people who are supposed to love and support you?????

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 3:09pm
All rumor-mongering will eventually fade out. Hang in there, and find something in each day to enjoy. When you see the lovely roses, stop and smell them!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 3:09pm

Do? What did I do? I did something for me. I wanted out so I could be or try to be me at the cost of losing everything I've known for the past 12 years. I told everyone no after years of submission and saying yes yes, of course I'll do this and that for you because although my shoulders are weak, I find it in me to help you.

I took the weights of everyone off my shoulders and handed them back, that's what I did.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 3:13pm

Well, one thing that I learned throughout the divorce process was that the friends I lost because I was getting *horrors* divorced, weren't really my friends after all. Divorce is only a threat to a marriage that can be threatened.

Oh, and my parents weren't thrilled with my decision to divorce, but they got over it.

Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. Remind your family and friends of that fact.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 3:14pm

Mind if I pluck one and take it with me as well? ;)

Thanks rosemile I'll do just what you've mentioned!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 6:42pm
Hi House, I feel for you, but sometimes we have to go through the bad to get to the good, I am having all the same emotions and it is difficult but we will make it and we will be stronger people for it. The people on this board are wonderful even if you don't post just reading helps alot.... we are all in the same boat and NO ONE will jump ship on you. Stay strong and look out for #1 and right now that has to be YOU... good luck.. we are here for you... Kat

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