Will I?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Will I?
33
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:12am

I understand the title of this msg board of course, but really, will I survive? How?

As broad as the above questions are, even I, being male (am I even allowed here?), have nothing but a sporadic cluster of holes in my inner self that nothing seems to fill. I blame guilt.

I don't necessarily need a shoulder, but I'd sure like to hear a woman's perspective or advice on how to survive the excruciating pain that comes with separation, no matter who initiated it.

Thank You,
M

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:01pm

I didn't expect anything coming here. I'm glad I did though no matter how weak it may appear.

Thanks Kat n All!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:43pm
When I first saw your pic. I thought you were my son. He is always making a remark about me being on here again. He is going threw some tough stuff, too. Yes divorce and breaking up is hard. It is hard on the whole family. But there is life after divorce. Time is your friend. Some day you will wake up and realize that you went a whole day without thinking about your pain. Baby steps.
I know what your saying about everything you say getting twisted around. I have reach the point where when I around people who do that, I am very quiet. I don't say hardly anything, when ask why, I just say I have a headache. Funny thing is it stops alot of headaches.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: house74
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:08pm
Welcome House.
I say you take it one day at a time and you do what is right for YOU. All of us carry our stories around and all of us react to events in different ways but as long as you manage to move forward then you are on the right road. It took me 14 years to try to move on and I take baby steps (if I want to, can I change my mind? Yes! ok then I'll do that) it may not be the right way for others but it is getting me to move ahead; it reminds me of the ones who jump in the pool and the ones who go down the ladder very slowly :) I guess on this one I am standing on the ladder, testing the water with my toes....The pain will go away eventually but in the mean time take care of yourself.
Frenchyie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: house74
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:19am

My pleasure. I know all too well how it feels to be sad over the demise of a marriage. NO matter who decides there is sadness and the mourning over the death of something you planned to have forever. Just know that we are all here for you and for each other. At first I saw no potential in this board...no response. But now I am getting much better feedback and I see this board as a great sense of support. Stick around...

Mel

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: house74
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:21am
Good for you saying no! It's hard! But I'm learning to do it too

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: house74
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:24am

"Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. Remind your family and friends of that fact."

That's great advice!

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In reply to: house74
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:27am

Every separation is different. Some cause excruciating pain, others hardly a ripple. I suffered more from the end of a 3-month relationship than from the end of my first marriage, which had lasted 7 years. After that 3-month relationship I was depressed for a year and a half, to the point of needing hospitalization. I thought I would never find happiness again. I thought that no man on earth could fulfill me the way this one had. These are universal (and of course, totally mistaken) feelings. In my case, there was no substitute for good old-fashioned time. Time heals because it brings perspective. You realize that the person who was so "perfect" for you was actually wrong for you in glaringly obvious ways. The rose-tinted lenses come off your eyes and you see the person's imperfections.

Sometimes it's best to change other things in your life, such as work or location of residence, to shake things up a little bit and get a fresh start. Start a new venture or hobby that you wouldn't have done if you had still been with your partner. Take risks, try new things -- and above all, get yourself out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.

HTH Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: house74
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:29am

Thanks Mel,

I don't plan on leaving. I told a friend last night: "Hey bud, I've found myself seeking support on a womens message board to help get through this nightmare I've created.", and he said not even one negative word. Not that it would have mattered, but I think it brought it home to him how much I'm really affected by this divorce. Everyone sees me as the therapist and maybe it's ok they see me needing some 'therapy' myself.

Great thanks!

Matt

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: house74
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:35am

"I didn't expect anything coming here. I'm glad I did though no matter how weak it may appear."

Just letting you know that you are not looking weak a all by coming here. It makes us stronger when we can ask for help.

~Melissa~

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: house74
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:39am

You hit the nail on the head there - 'get out of bed'. How true is that? Very!

I've joined a gym, moved (missing my babes so much it's killin me), am meeting wonderful people (mainly of the opposite sex because men don't have the capacity to aid another man - good thing actually cuz I'd be hard pressed to explain my life to another male), but still feel I'm in a bubble apart from the world around me. They could not clone enough Matt House's to spread evenly the guilt I feel, and I'll be damned if I know how to find relief from even just a percentage of it.

My daughter asks why dadda doesn't wanna live with her anymore and a part of me dies inside. Or, she'll ask, why doesn't daddy love mommy anymore and although my stbx doesn't believe me, I do still love her, but in a different way now.

I never did like puzzles and now it's confirmed.

I am so pleased to be here.

M