Wish I wasn't here...
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| Fri, 08-05-2005 - 4:28pm |
DH told me on Sunday that it's over. We had never even discussed divorce, and I didn't realize our issues were that big, but he was just done with the marriage. We had just celebrated our two-year anniversary five days prior to him telling me this. He isn't willing to try counseling and just wants to move forward with the divorce.
I never even imagined that I'd be on a divorce board.
I feel like my whole life just got completely flipped upside down without any warning. I don't *want* to be divorced. I just want another chance to work things out. I knew we'd grown apart, but I just figured it was a stage of marriage.
I don't know... any advice right at the start of things? He wants this to be an amicable split where we both go to the lawyer together. So far we've agreed on how to divide most things, but I think the biggest problem will be deciding who gets what share of the house.
Anyway, just thought I'd post since I've been active on other iVillage boards in the past.

Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
I'm sorry you have to be going through this when it's not what you want. I know a lot of people on this board have been in that position, and I'm sure you will find the support you seek here.
On the amicable divorce thing, I had a very amicable divorce and I am a big fan of it. If you are both willing to make it amicable (there is no down side) then that is what you should make a committment to doing. However, I highly recommend using separate attorney's. You have separate interests and you each need your own legal advice.
I think it's also important to find an attorney that knows what an amicable divorce looks like. Not all do. I talked to one attorney that said something like "well if it stays amicable, most don't" and I did not hire her. The attorney can be effective at making the divorce nasty because their clients are sometimes emotionally worn out and attorney's are used to being on the offensive. I talked to someone who had an amicable divorce and hired her attorney. I made it clear to my attorney it was going to be amicable and that most of the decisions were already made. I put what my ex and I had agreed to in writing and after he reviewed it for accuracy, we gave it to both attorney's so there was no miscommunication. When I got advice from my attorney on a decision that had to be made, I called my ex up and discussed it, he called his attorney to talk about it and then we discussed it again and decided. We let the attorney's know our decision, we didn't ask the attorney's to decide for us or put them in charge of negotiating on our behalf. It worked rather well, we were the one's that had to live with the decision so it made sense we would be the one's to decide. I would not have trusted having one attorney. If there is a dispute or a question, that attorney's going to have to take sides and it's too easy for him/her to give advice that benefits one person more than the other. So amicable is great, but get your own legal advice so you can ensure it's amicable *and* fair.
I know you are probably still in shock over this. The process is a grieving process and it will take time, but hopefully the information and support you find here will help. (((HUGS))))