Woke up today and OW/STBX haunting me!
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| Thu, 07-13-2006 - 8:29am |
What the heck? I'm strolling along, doing just fine, and now I can't stop thinking about STBX and the OW? I'm torturing myself thinking about ALL the opportunities they had to be alone when she was staying at my house! What an idiot I was! Then I remember the time she had a "curling iron burn" on her neck, she has Shirley Temple curly hair that's almost to her butt, why the heck would she have been curling her hair? Things like this keep popping into my head! Why today? Geez!
I know it's normal but at the same time, it's discouraging. I thought I was doing so good "moving forward". It just makes me dislike STBX even more, if that's even possible.
Just had to share. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has had to deal with these feelings. I just hope the day goes better and I can clear my head!
Hugs to all!
Jenn

Hi Jenn. You are not alone in your agony. I too have been doing real good for the past week (still taking things day by day, week by week). STBX has been calling me everyday but I have not answered my phone, which I was proud of myself for. Then this morning I wake up like you. Obsessing about STBX and OW. I hate thinking about them. It is poison in my mind and I know it but for some reason I can't stop myself. The more I think about them and the fact that I was the one with him last year and she was the alone going through a divorce makes me so sick. I befriended this woman and she hailed that we were real friends and that she would never betray me. Yeah, right! She was only around me to get to my STBX.
What is worst than thinking about them is the very thought of them increases my anxiety and panic attacks. I've been doing real well the last few days in that I haven't needed to take my anxiety medications. It is not even 9am and I can feel my anxiety rising. Thank goodness I see my counselor tomorrow. Maybe she can help me get this toxic thoughts out of me.
One of the things that has helped me the last few days (the most relaxed days I have had in a VERY long time) was reminding myself that I can't control what STBX and OW do. I can stress over them until the cows come home but it won't make me feel any better. I can however control how I feel and what I do about with those feelings. It is like a constant battle everyday. I don't understand why I've fallen off the wagon again this morning. I am comforted in knowing, however, that if I can have those relax days once than I can have them again.
The same is with you. You've been doing really well up to know. We are going to have days like today where our STBX and OW eats us up. However, we have to somehow find a way to stop that pain because they have already caused us enough pain while they were around us. We can't let them win and get the best of us. They are the one that betrayed us and some day karma will return what they gave us. I truly believe that you get back what you put out.
One suggestion that friends of mine that went through divorce and separation and this whole agony is to wear a rubber band. Everytime you think about STBX or/and OW flick yourself with the rubber band. The sting will break your thought. Redirect your thought to something more positive. The first time I tried it, my wrist was red by the end of the day. However, it did help me not to think about my STBX continuously. They say with more practice it will eventually get to the point where you don't think about him as much (I am so looking forward to that day as I know and everyone else here are).
Oh and one other suggestion that a friend gave me last night was everytime I thought about or got the desire to call STBX, I put some money in a jar. I'm thinkin' this is a great way to save money and maybe point out how much STBX and OW are costing me...financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. If nothing else, I'll be saving moeny.
Please feel free to email me anytime. YOu and I seem to have parallel lives when it comes to our STBX and their OW. I told my STBX the last time I talked to him that I hoped he and her last because I would hate for them to put someone else through this agony they have me in. I also pray that karma has them at the top of its list. I don't usually wish bad things to people but they need to feel this pain and perhaps wholly in guilt, I'm thikin' that in itself is a nice though to kinda think of it.)
Wow, we sound like twins! Unbelievable the similiarities huh? Too bad we've met under these circumstances, but hopefully, we can help each other get through, which some days feels like a living nightmare!
Thanks for the advice about the rubber band and the money jar! I would probably have a permanent wrist scar but have myself a mansion on the ocean, LOL!
The OW in my life also became my friend. Her husband works with my STBX and I was introduced to her through the guys STBX worked with. What a freakin' mistake? Then of course, the OW's now Ex husband, was cheating on her with a married woman! How ironic huh? So, she "fell" into my family playing that "sad, divorcee b.s." and I fell for it. She spent weekends, holidays, most of our "free" time, she was there. My DD came to love her, my family and friends accepted her as part of our family, etc. It just makes me sick to think I was so naive!
She has since moved to NV but once she left, I started catching STBX sneaking to call her on his cell. Then the multiple calls, unrestricted number, hours and hours of talk time! I confronted both of them, and once again, I got the b.s. about them just being friends and bought it.
Then in October of 2005, we were all sitting down stairs (me, STBX and kids) and his phone went off. I picked it up, she had sent him a text that said "love u miss u very much". It's been downhill ever since. I would go away and set up a digital recorder, and sure enough, what I heard ripped my heart out. The sweet talk, the sex talk, the good nights to each other. YUCK!
The final straw was when I went to NYC the weekend of June 9, 2006. I planted the recorder again and got some really RAUNCHY talk this time. Put me over the edge! I filed for divorce the Tuesday I returned.
The day he was served papers, I found a check/envelope, apparently ripped up by the postal service, to her, from him, in the amount of $170 for, as he wrote in the memo portion of the check, "many GF :)" Which doesn't mean many good friends! If you know what I mean. That was the day he got his papers, it was as if I was given a sign ~ God only knows how long this went on under my nose while she was here because it never stopped once she left.
Day by day, yes, sometimes, minute by minute. I can feel your pain and can see you can also feel mine. We'll be okay though, things can only get better from here! Nothing could possibly be worse than what we've endured, and yes, we are survivors.
My email is jnfner6@yahoo.com, email me anytime. I'm sending you big hugs. Know that I'm here anytime, we're gonna get through this!
Thanks for reading, sorry, this turned out to be a book, I was venting again, LOL!
Hugs,
Jennifer
Jennifer
Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)
and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till
wow Jenn,
i could have written this post; i have good daze, then boom, i'm obsessing over STBX and skank GF!! i can't particulary get out of my head the comparison STBX happily shared with me back in april wherein he said "GF has goals and initiatives, you do not; GF supports and loves me unconditionally, you never did; GF's intelligent, self-starter, executive director of a nonprofit, etc. ... can't wait to divorce you and start family with GF" this one hurt considerably because he was so emotionally distant, non-sympathetic, non-supportive during our long bout with infertility, now all of a sudden, he's willing to "try" medically to start a family with skank GF, who he's only known for 6 months, i might add, opposed to 14 years like me. that's probably what's going to hit me the worst, when he can't wait to tell me the news that "they are pregnant". yeah, good luck in starting a "happy little family" when he chose to emotionally, physically, and financially disconnect himself from his existing twin DSs.
my spiritual counselor has consistently advised me to place things into perspective & know the person i am, consider the source and STBX's anger and his deplorable character if he has to compare his STBX wife of 11 years and mother of his children to ANYone, how horrible.
so, just know what these OW are getting themselves into and have a giggle because they may know the men we once knew in a "physical" way, which is what we're obsessing over anyhow, but WE know "the truth," which in essence should ease our frustration, minimize panic attacks, and eventually clear our heads completely of their disappointing decisions and behavior ...
hugs!
Hi Jenn-
I too obsessed about my ex with his mistress. She was everything I could never be-Oriental, petite, small boobs (for some reason his preference), loaded, confident and 15 years younger than me. My kids loved her too. They were engaged after one year, most of which he was still married to me. (And, I found out he cheated on her with someone he worked with. He also tried with me, but I shut him down.) Before they ever tied the knot, he met someone else and dumped her. He married that woman a few months after.
The thing I kept telling myself is that these woman are not getting any prize. Yes, he is handsome and charming, but that only goes so far. He is also selfish, arrogant and pig-headed. Of course, these traits don’t surface for awhile.
Give yourself time. The longer you are away from your STBX the easier it is to see him for what he is.
Karen.
My EX and OW (now his wife) are currently on a cruise ship floating across the Atlantic... with MY kids!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~