Wondering about others here...
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Wondering about others here...
| Sun, 04-17-2005 - 12:04pm |
I'm sorry if I keep beating a dead horse here :)
Did anyone continue to stay married to their spouse for a long period of time (many months or years), even if they no longer loved them? If so, how did you cope? Right now, after exploring a variety of avenues and talking to a lawyer, I feel relatively trapped in my marriage for the time being. So please, if anyone has gone through this, feel free to give me some tips!

Hi! It wasn't that I didn't love him, but more that I knew he didn't love me and was using me for my family's money...THE ONLY REASON I stayed with my h was because I had been threatened repeatedly that he would take my dd, leave and I would never see her again. Screw the money, but take my dd away from me? She's my baby and to lose her would have killed me!
If you need to go, then go! Your sanity and the safety of your kids is #1 priority...There are lawyers out there (good ones) who would back you 100%! You just have to find the right one!!!
HUGE HUGS!!!
Melanie
interesting thought... in my case, it took me a really long time to "admit" that the marriage was over, that i never really loved him, that no matter what *I* did - it was NEVER going to BE a marriage....
i also think there were stages in the decision-making process: first i made up my mind to get divorced - but i knew that i couldn't do it at that time. so i kinda put the decision on a the back flame, and in the meantime i took care of ME, and my son, went to therapy, etc.
when i couldn't stay with my then-husband even one more minute, then i just left. but i think that i had *left* the marriage a loooong time before.
Melanie, thanks for your support.
Where to begin! Unfortunately, neither of us could afford this house on our own. That means if we got divorced now, we would have to move, and my son (in 4th grade) would have to change schools AGAIN. We just moved a year and a half ago, and he really loves his new school and friends now. I've been looking for a place about 6-8 months now, and there are no affordable rentals in this school district. There are very few rentals, and the least expensive I found was $1,400 per month! AND, even buying a small condo in this area is out of the question....the least expensive I found was $225k.
ALSO...I don't have access to money, even though I work full-time. My H is a consultant, which means he gets a 1099 form and does not get taxes taken out of his check. He has to pay them on his own. He never does it, and a couple of years ago, we owed the IRS big time. SO....since I don't want the IRS after us, I basically get my whole check witheld to pay taxes so we don't owe a ton at the end of the year. I don't have enough to put down as a deposit on an apartment. Unfortunately, I don't have any family that is in the position to help me, either.
I'm sorry to go on and on...I feel so foolish for getting into the position. Unfortunately, I just can't let my son change schools again, so I am afraid I'm stuck for a while. But I appreciate your kind words.
I'm here for you! I completely understand about not being able to afford the mortgage on your own, but you say that you have almost all of your wages taken so that you don't owe taxes at the end of the year. There is a form that you can fill out each tax season, called the injured spouse form. This covers you if your ex doesn't file his taxes and you can always file separately. The IRS really isn't interested in harming the innocent person, they just want their money...don't we all? If you file this form and change yur tax status at work, you will have alot more leverage to keep the house and make the payments.
I understand about not wanting to move your child AGAIN!!! I fought my STBX in court, and won exclusive right to the home. The Judge also stated that there would NOT be a foreclosure on it and that any money owed would be the responsibility of my stbx. To this day, he has made one payment and that bounced. The house is now in foreclosure! He was also ordered to pay alimony and cs and has not paid a dime. We are in court again for final hearing on May 3 and do you think this will look good for him? Nope!
As far as your ex not paying his taxes, this is no concern of yours. You have yourself to take care of and your child. You need to stop worrying about his problems and worry about you. As I've said, that form can be filed back to 3 years. DO IT! It is worth it in the long run and you may even be entitled to a return for all money withheld. I know this because, I filed this form and recieved over $4,000.00 dollars this year for taxes paid that the IRS was not entitled to collect from me! They have now levied his paychecks and bank accounts.
I have been to H**l and back because of my STBX and his children. If you don't want this to happen to you then you need to take care of business ASAP! Your h will be fine on his own, and you and your son would be better off taking care of yourselves. Change your filing status, change your w-4, file the form!
HUGS HON!!! And GOOD LUCK!
Melanie
I think that I stayed about 3 good years after I really felt like we were at the end.... but I also think that those 3 years validated to me that I was making the right move when I did finally decide to divorce.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~