WooHoo!!!
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| Tue, 01-23-2007 - 3:40pm |
WooHoo!!!!!!!!!! I'm free!!! My divorce is over, my divorce is over!
So, today we go for mediation. Get through a really tough session, have all of the big issues worked out, not to my favor, but . . . My atty explains that we have to go in front of a judge so that my "X"-notice the X there!!,can swear under oath that some assets that he claimed he had in his initial divorce decree do not exist.
We get up in front of the judge, get sworn in, and BAM!! In less than 5 minutes, my excrutiating long and painful divorce was over! WooHoo!!! I was floored. Had no idea that this might happen today. You should have seen the look on my x's face!! He was screaming at his atty, "What?! That's it?! It's over?! I told you to drag this out as long as you could!! You mean to tell me that she's free?!" He looked like he was going to have a stroke right on the spot!! I just chuckled.
For those of you who have gone through this, you understand how I feel right now. I'm at a loss to completely describe it. Still thinking that I have him looking over my shoulder, controlling what I do, etc. Don't feel divorced, but the little voice in my head just keeps reminding me that I am now, divorced. I feel at loose ends though. Not sure what to do first!lol
Now comes the hard part. Helping to put my kids back together. I know that it will be a long, hard road, but for all of us who are parents we understand that our kids are worth it.
I was so close to losing it. The weight of this was just straining all of my reserves of strength. I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to see it to the end.
I just want those of you who read this who are beginning this journey, or are in the middle, that yes! There is light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's a hard ordeal, but if I can survive divorce, so can you!!
Thanks so much to all of you who have responded to my posts, and have given me such wonderful advice, and thoughts!!
Laurene

Congratulations Lauren!
I am on year number 5.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Laurene! That's amazing. I had no idea you were so close.
Can't happen that fast in my state.
Wow, I hope you can breath clear air and attend to your health and the emotional well-being of your children.
Will they stay with him?
How much contact will you have to have with him?
Please stick around and guide those of us who are at beginning stages.
Hugs and congratulations!
M
PS I can't believe he said what he did to his atty in open court.
Di;
5 years!? Boy, does my heart go out to you! Just know that I'm sending prayers, and positive, strengthening thoughts your way today!!
Thanks!
Laurene
Thanks so much, Karen!!
Laurene
M,
Thanks for the positive thoughts!! I'm not going anywhere! Since I came back to ivillage, as before, I've found nothing but great advice, support, and friendship. That's what it's all about! I know that just because my divorce is final, doesn't mean that my growing process is done, and there are many on this board who have gone through those first, initial months, who can give me invaluable support.
Will they stay with him? Unfortunately, he has physical custody. Since I am disabled, and cannot work, I cannot financially support my sons. I knew that this was a possibility when I fled the marital home, but at least I am alive, healthy and on my way to being emotionally healthy too. The 2 younger boys, ages 18, and 13, didn't want to come with me anyway. I made the mistake of not telling them a lot of what was going on between their father and I, so they don't believe that the problems were ever big enough to warrant a divorce.
How much contact will you have to have with him? As little as is absolutely necessary! Since the divorce is final, I have to go back to the county offices out here, and reapply for the PPO. Yesterday, the judge "suggested" that I reconsider it, but I went on record as explaining my initial reasonings for getting the PPO. The judge reminded me that having contact with my sons father was going to go on for the rest of my life, and I just "might" want to reconsider. I explained to him, that with the emotions of my x, especially those he produced in open court, the time, at least right now, was NOT the right time for me to not have the PPO in place. My only stumbling block? The filing fee! My spousal support was cut from $200/wk, to $100/wk, so things are going to be tight for a bit yet.
I'm still in shock that this is over. I had no idea I was so close to the end! I don't even think that my atty was expecting this yesterday. I have yet to talk to my sons, or my mother-who has written me off and out of her estate-put my x in there! I know that it sounds selfish, but I needed yesterday just for me and my so. I woke up this am, and while having the first cup of coffee, realized that I'm divorced! The "status quo" had been going on for so long now, just trying to get through the stress of everyday, and it just all came back in an instant. A smile came onto my face, and my so noticed it. Said that he knew just how I was feeling. After having gone through his awful divorce, he explained that it took him a few months to "warm up" to the idea.
Now, the real healing begins!
Thanks so much for being there!!
Laurene
What an inspiration! Congratulations! I wish you many happy years ahead!
I am still in the beginning stages I guess... two months separated not yet file (slow attorney). But I try to imagine this being final... and even when it's done I anticipate quite a healing process. Regardless of my unhappiness and my reasons for leaving (his verbal abuse and controling nature), it is still a part of my life that I'm leaving behind for the most part. It still hurts. But I know it's for the best.
Pr,
Keep the faith!! Your post reminded me so much of when I first left, and filed. I was so uncertain, was I really doing the right thing? What about my boys!!??
The day before I left, I had met with my attorney, and put together my divorce decree. What a daunting task! Having to relive everything, put into black and white, dot the i's, cross the t's, brought back so much that I hadn't thought about in years!! I got the reference to my atty from my so, who had used this same atty for his awful divorce 13 years prior. I knew that I needed a bulldog of an atty, and boy did I get one!
I had been planning to leave, got some cash together, stored it at my so's house so I would have emeregency cash available. Those last few days were absolutely awful! The Saturday that I left, my x had been controlling when I would eat, drink, sleep and even go to the bathroom! I knew I had to get out when I found him looming over my bed, and my dog-who never, ever growls at anyone, woke me up thank God!! The x had been threatening me for months that if I "didn't put out", he'd take it. I realized at that moment, that if I didn't get out soon, I wouldn't be able to go. He was trying to have me committed, trying to push me to the nth degree of my already failing stores of strength. My atty explained that if I was fearful for my safety, then I needed to leave. He explained that I needed to go, by myself. He said that I would have to leave my boys with the x, because of school, and the fact that I didn't have an income to support them. That was the toughest decision I have ever had to make, and now am trying to put those pieces back together. Not an easy task.
My so gave me a safe place to fall. To begin to put myself back together, which I am still working at!
I can tell you, looking back over all of it, that if you are not comfortable with the track that your atty is taking, whether it be moving slowly, or whatever, that you need to find another one. This is the most life altering decision that you will make, outside of choosing to have children! You owe it to yourself to have a good atty to back you.
The light at the end of the tunnel would become so clear at times, and then it would just seem to fade into obscurity. But, it IS there!! I promise! My so kept telling me that I had the strength to get through this, when at times I just didn't think I did. I spoke with my atty yesterday. He explained that he understands that I got taken in the settlement mediation, but the person that he saw walk into that courtroom on Tuesday, was falling apart. He realized that he needed to step in, take charge, because I couldn't do it. I was falling absolutely apart! Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I cannot thank him enough.
You're right. The healing process doesn't end when the divorce is final. Actually, it's just the opposite! It's as if a new chapter begins, and you're writing it. The control, for once, begins and ends with you. It's scary, I won't kid you. But it's a different type of "scary". Knowing that I made it through the divorce, barely, but I made it through is fueling me. Knowing that I do not want a life w/o love, REAL love, and do not want a life that I cannot control, leads me. It is scary though, knowing that everything now rests on me. I continue to ask myself if I am strong enough!
Just know that everyone on this board, me included is here should you need us!
I hope that today is a good one for you!
Laurene