Would you accept a Christmas gift....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Would you accept a Christmas gift....
4
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 9:58pm
from your ex and the woman he cheated on you with? I dropped the kids off tonight for their usual weekend visit and right away the kids went over to their Christmas tree. They noticed that there was a present under there for me and my son brought it over to me and said "look mom, there's one here for you". It made me uncomfortable; he handed it to me and asked his dad if I could take it with me and his dad said yes. So I took it with me. I was really put on the spot by my son (not his fault) and didn't feel I could say anything in front of them. Once I got home, I just felt really sad, and worse I felt upset and angry. Do they think that this makes up for everything? I don't want to be mean, but it doesn't mean anything to me. I don't want anything from either one of them. I have been civil to them for the sake of the kids, and I did buy them each a gift from the kids. Why on earth would they do this? Just because I bought them something? They were meant to be from the kids, not from me. I am seriously thinking about returning the gift to them when the kids are not around and explaining my position. I don't want anything at all from them ever. It doesn't make up for what happened. It's not a "get out of jail card" for HIM, and it means nothing coming from her, since I am SURE she is the one who paid for it. It was even her handwriting on the package.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 10:49pm

Hummm..... well, maybe it was just a nice gesture.... for the kids to see happen.


I'd just accept it and move on.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 9:34am

i would feel the same way as you do. kind of like, oh well, give the dog a bone. i too am civil to ex and his girlfriend (with whom he was having an affair when we were married), but like you it's for the sake of the kids. there's no doubt that the previous poster is right, say thanks and leave it at that. however, in your same position, i would give it back too -- when the kids aren't around. i would probably say something like i probably would never feel comfortable accepting gifts from them -- and that the gifts they received were from your kids, not you.

maybe not the right thing to do, but hell i have my limits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 11:55am

Perhaps it was meant to be from the kids too?? that would be nice and quite civil - and perhaps your son was just too fast to notice..
Anyway, you can accept it, and thank the kids in front of them - adding something like "and thank you so much for helping the kids in choosing a present for me"... so you make clear that you don't expect presents, but simply a parental relationship.

And, Merry Christmas!!! it is not an easy time of the year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 1:07pm
One idea - you could accept it, and then give it to Goodwill or the Salvation Army.