Wouldnt pi$$ on him if he was on fire!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wouldnt pi$$ on him if he was on fire!
8
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 1:55pm

I have a heart of gold and maybe thats been my biggest fault with my ex. But when Im nice, im the nicest and once you unleash the b#$ch in me look out. I never thought that it would be possible for me to hate him but I do. I thought he couldnt get any creepier, but he did. Friday night he called me to "apologize" for his behavior earlier on in the day (no big surprise, this is his mo) Then he starts telling me they broke up "she" couldnt take it anymore blah, blah, I asked why are you telling me, he said he was sorry and didnt know why but just needed a friend. (Naive, stupid me) so briefly I listened, he told me how our breakup was his fault he knows it (has never outwardly claimed it) until then etc. Said how he wanted to come back to me but there was so much history and didnt know if he could be the man I needed him to be. Is trying to be that man now but doesnt know if he is. We acutally for a little while behaved like the "friends" we were many years ago. Fine, he was coming for the baby the next morning.

Talk about jekle and hyde. My god, Sat morning he called at 6:45am, was supposed to get him at 8am. He needs to get him at 7:30 something came up he needs to leave 1/2 hr earlier. I said what about his breakfast, says he'll pick it up. He was going to PA with him. I said how are u gonna feed him and drive, (stupid me) he said she's gonna go with him. Fine whatever. His entire attitude had changed it was unbelievable, he gets there all in a hurry, rushing me etc, im like what's up with you calm down. They leave, he called to ask me something about the baby and I said what r u gonna get him for breakfast? He's like whatever I eat, he can eat. I said he doesnt eat his eggs the way u like yours, he says he needs to eat different things, I said look I tried it that way, he doesnt like it dont make this a problem b/c I could have fed him myself. That 21yr old F'ING BI*@H is gonna tell him why is he still talking to me, just hang up the phone I just want him to argue with me this is ridiculous. WTF! Who the hell is she to interfere with what we are discussing about OUR SON. She doesnt know about his food allergies. I try to remind him about the allergies and he listens to her, gets an attitude accusses me of just wanting to argue and hangs up.

I could have spit fire I was so upset. I tried calling back (mistake I know)he wouldnt answer. I tried again, nothing left him a message to call me to tell me what he was getting him to eat. He's from the islands and their "breakfast" is very different from what I as an american will eat. I waited a while trying to calm down, he finally calls telling me if this is the way Im gonna act he will not answer his phone and I have to leave him a message. He tells me he got him eggs, bacon, and pancakes. PANCAKES! I said how are you gonna give him pancakes when he's allergic to milk are you kidding me. He's like oh. I wont let him eat that then. I hang up.

The day goes on, he calls me grilling me about the contents in his diaper bag. I sent him two pampers and everyday I send I baggie of all the baby's ointments, allergy meds, nasal spray, tylenol etc just in case he gets a reaction. Some of the things he doesnt use anymore but my sister knows what to give and what not to, I didnt have the chance to clean the bag out he was in such a rush and he's asking me what is all this stuff, If I have him on all this medication why am I not giving him vitamins, have I checked all the expiration dates on the medicines, he wants a healthy baby, telling me to call the on-call dr from his clinic to ask about vitamins. What! He's questioning me. The on call dr is for emergencies. I told him next time dont rush me & I can be ready, told him I know what Im doing and he is healthy because of me.

He was supposed to bring him back at 6pm. He calls me at 4:30 asking where am I, I said none of your business what do you want. Says the baby is sleep he doenst know what to do with him he wants to bring him home, I asked what time he would get there, he says in 10 minutes. Is he on drugs. Luckily I was like 10 min away from home. At that point I just wanted the baby with me and done with the whole nightmare. As I walked across the street to my house he was pulling up in his truck. I walked over to him and the wh@*e was sitting there looking in the other direction. He passes me the bag, it's open, the same two pampers I sent him with were still in there. I said what's this, didnt you change him, he said no, he didnt need to be changed, I said how did you have him for 9 hours and not change his pamper. What is wrong with you. They couldnt change his pamper but they changed his outfit I sent him out in because they didnt like it. Ba$tards.

She looked in my direction and I said Jaime, until you have kids and there is some other woman butting in on your conversation with their father, you stay out of mine with his dad, it doesnt concern you. Because when it happens you wont like it. She was like well Im with him now and if you disrespect him, u disrespect me and our relationship and he's like that's right. I said I dont care that your with him I dont want him and he doesnt concern me, my son is my concern, your not his mother and you better mind your f'ing business, im only gonna tell you once more, mind your f'ing business. She was like u want to argue and Im not gonna argue in front of the child Im done, I said NO, I'm done stay out of my business. I walked away. He brings the car seat telling me he cant believe me, all I want to do is argue, I told him u should have put her in her place from the beginning and I would have had no need to tell her anything!

He wanted him on Sunday I told him it needed to be 11-7 or 12-8pm, he refused saying it had to be 10-5, then later changed again and said 10-4. He called Sunday morning, I went on with my plans so he didnt get him. This morning I met with the mediator. She meets with him on Friday. Then will call us in together sometime next week. Im sure Ive made my own mistakes with this whole nightmare but how could you be calm in all this craziness.

I dare him to ask me for some furniture after all this. I would give it to a stranger before I gave it to him. I want no communication with him at all. We can do it through email and messages. He's gonna burn in hell for the way he's treated me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 5:55pm

Girl, you are a better woman than me!!!! It would have taken everything I had in me not to slap that b*tch in front of my child and if my child wasn't there...oh it would have been ON!!!! I realize it's immature and fighting never solved anything....but kicking her little wh@re ass sure would make me feel better!!! LOL Honestly, I could see myself grabbing that woman by the hair and dragging her out of that truck!!!! Argh!!!!!


Don't give ANYTHING back to him!!!! Good for you!!!!! Let that jerk rot in hell!


My STBX and I DO NOT get along at all. However, if my boyfriend was telling me to hang up on him while he was trying to make sure the kids were okay (HA! Like that'd happen....) I would be very quick to my boyfriend how it is.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 3:56am
Oh, man (or should I say girl) I was cheering for you all the way through your post!
Loved your last statement about him burning in hell. Though he just might like it.
Do not let him convince you that YOU are the one who likes to argue or YOU are causing trouble. I know this is hard, but play the passive-aggressive game. Stay as calm as possible, and if his gf causes him to hang up on you, saying YOU are the one who wants to fight, then let him hang up (provided YOU have the baby with you). Let it take him a whole other half a day before he can reach you again. And do not give in to your emotions- I know this is hard!!! If the phone thing happens again, and the baby is with HIM, then be as pleasant as possible, even make small talk, be an actress. Once you have the baby, let things be on your terms, but again without showing him that you are getting in an emotional tug-of-war with him.
It's like Pavlov's dogs, when they heard the bell, they knew it was time to eat. Let your husband know that if his stupid gf or him hang up the phone on you (when YOU have the baby) then it might take a whole half day to get you on the phone again. Then, he will train his little b**** to stay OUT of your phone conversations. And if the whole thing is getting out of hand, and things are done that are not for the well-being of your child, call your attorney or whoever is handling this to renegotiate or at least let him/her know what is going on. Teach him. There is a saying: whatever does not go through your head (as in brain) will have to go through your legs (as in butt). One way or the other, he will learn. Even if it needs to be with a cool demeanor on your part. Because talking didn't work. And these types of men (or are all men like that, I don't know) do not change till they get a taste of their own medicine. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 4:32am
OH THE STRESS!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 9:19am

I think yelling at the gf is only going to make it worse, and harder for you to be calm later.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 9:48am
I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I can't imagine going thru this with a little baby. You are so much better than the OW and him. You deserve a lot more and don't deserve what you are going through. I am so sorry for your pain but you can get thru this. Just try to be strong. It is so hard at times, but many others have done it and you are not alone. I do know how you feel and I have gotten as angry too. I know for me it is about to get worse. My atty told me I will not know this man when we actually start divorce proceedings. He wanted to do things out of court, his way of couse as it has always been about him. I actually was supposed to have my first hearing today. About 7 wks ago, after 18 yrs and a 5 1/2 yr old DD,( we went thru 51/2 yrs of infertility treatments, my husband admitted he had been having flings all that time. I am just sick. I was a wonderful wife and mother as I am sure you are too. He told me he didn't have relationships but flings and the passion was gone, there was no hope and divorce was the only option, so I cried and cried and decided to file and now he wants a chance. He came over this morning, eyes swollen red and was crying , told me he didn't sleep at all last night. I do hope he is feeling remorse because he never thought about us while he was doing that crap. Just spoke to his mom yesterday and she said she emailed him to see how he was and he said, how would you be if you were about to lose a lot of $$$$, so that just tells me exactly why he wants another chance. He is 39 and I am 41 and just 4 weeks ago, he had two 22 yr olds in my house while I was escaping a hurricane and when I cussed the girl out, he said he could not believe the words I said to her. He said she was happily married and just didn't have a place to stay b/c her husband was out of town. It is a long story and I am just so sick and angry that he would ruin our marriage and hurt us the way he did. Now he is crying only because he is going to have to give up $$$ in this divorce and that is why he wants a chance.
Just know that it will get harder before things get better but you need to be strong for yourself and your baby. I will be thinking of you and pray you have the strength to deal with this loser and that loser ow. Just don't ever lose sight of who you are and you will be better off without him.
Hugs,
Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 9:57am

I do know that I have to be better at handling these situations. I had the experience, know what Ive done "wrong" so to speak and I will be better prepared for it next time. I do believe that you learn from every experience little by little. It was just too many issues at the one time and it got the best of me. The gf butting in on us discussing the baby breakfast, his neglect to put her in her place hell he didnt even have to look at it as "taking up for me" this is his and my child, he for himself should have wanted to tell her hey dont interfere when im discussing something about my son's health. Then the whole diaper thing. What's up with him, I really shocked that he pulled this. What kind of hold can she have on him that he has to give her his undivided attention and not check his own baby's diaper.

Im calmer now and prepared for the next time he will try to catch me up in his drama. I finally see that as long as he can pull me in his confusion and upset me he's accomplished what he wanted. So I have to be at least one step ahead of him.

I always appreciate your advice, it gets me grounded.

Hugs honeybunny.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 10:03am

I know it's easier said than done.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 10:12am

Girl,

It did take EVERYTHING I MEAN EVERYTHING I had not to grab her by her little ponytail and put my foot up her a$$. But that would have been just what the ex wanted. Somebody fighting over him. I surely dont want him and would never fight for him.

LOL. He will one day get what he deserves.