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Wow
| Sat, 06-25-2005 - 9:52pm |
Well ladies.....
You all know that my mother and I don't get along.... the reason we don't get along right now is because she chose OW over me. Yes, a slap in the face.
Well, today I found out from my grandmother that my mom is in the hospital. My mom has terminal cancer. I find out what hospital she is in and I make plans to go see her tomorrow only to find out that instead of calling me to take her to the ER, she called OW.
Again, slapping me in the face.
So, tell me how this is normal:? OW is trying to be me. She took my husband, trying to replace me with my kids and now is pretending to be a daughter to my mother. Oh and for those who know the story know that OW likes to post things on her website to


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hi and hugs....
you know that you can't change other people and you can't make people do things that they don't want to do. your mother (for whatever reason) is choosing to be closer to this woman than with you. YOU can't change this.
the ONLY thing that you CAN do - is decide if you want to spend what little time your mom has on earth with her (no matter who else is in the room at the time; no matter if your mom calls you or not; etc) or not. that's all you CAN DO right now. you need to push all other thoughts out of your mind and make this decsion, and once you've made the decision- you will have to live with it.
My gosh, that woman is insane! She sounds like that woman in Fatal Attraction. What a frickin' psycho! I guess document everything that this whacko is doing, and maybe file a stalking complaint ? Please be careful, this woman sounds like she'll stop at nothing to destroy you. Hugs to you, I hope you get through this.
Susie
OK this is going to sound weird and I'm going out on a limb here not knowing what your relationship with your mothr was like before her terminal illness, but here goes. Do you think that what you are perceiving as rejection by your mother is in fact her trying to spare you having to deal with her illness and dying???
Now I know that OW is a nurse and perhaps she is relying on her because of her background and because she would rather have an outside person take care of her in her last days rather than having her daughter see her that way. I know it sounds F%!*@# up but people do strange things when they are dying and one of the things they do is withdraw from loved ones.
Is your mothr in the hospital now? Can you visit her and just sit with her? Also, talking to some of her nurses including a her homehealth or hospice nurse could give you some insight into what is happening.
Again, I'm going out on a limb here but this could be what is happening.
Hi there,
Sorry about the mix up about OM's job. I got your story mixed up with someone else. I think that your mother is trying to spare you pain and that OM is using this to her full advantage. She may be winning the battle but the war is far from over. Karma is going to kick her in the a$$.
You could try talking to a hospice nurse about what you have described and get her opinion on how to handle the situation. She doesn't have to give you confidential information if you're just talking about dealing with a dying loved one. Talk to a nurse that's not involved in your mother's care, just for advice purposes.
Hugs, Angi. It seems like the below the belt blows just keep on coming, don't they? It is a little creepy how OW seems to be trying to do a complete SWF on you (did you see that movie?).
My theory on the relationship between your mother and OW. Neither knows each other well or knows the extent of the other's negative tendencies. Each acts the way the other wants and needs her to act, and that's why the relationship is working for them right now. OW hasn't been on the receiving end of one of your mother's lies, so she can give your mother the undoubting sympathy she's seeking. Whereas you can't give that to your mother because you know anything you hear from her has to be verified before you can believe it. Plus they're united in their view of you as the 'bad guy'. I know you'd like to make peace with your mother, especially if the end is, in fact, near. If you feel like you need to reach out to her or attempt a visit, I would encourage you to do so for your own peace of mind to know that you did your best. But she may reject your attempts, and if she does, I hope you know that the fault is not yours but her own. I think she may have a hard time accepting your attempt to reconcile, because to change her view of you as the 'bad guy', she has to face the lies she has told of you and take a good look at herself, and I wonder whether she would be able to do so. As someone else (Karen?) suggested, you could send a card, telling her that you love her and that you would like there to be peace between the two of you. You could also tell her that while you have trouble understanding her relationship with OW, you are glad that she has been able to find comfort in it. Because it is good that she has someone there who is giving her comfort. And if you can accept their relationship, I have to wonder whether they'll find it nearly so appealing when it's not getting under your skin.
-sang
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