Wow, I survived a tough one last night!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Wow, I survived a tough one last night!
5
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 8:44am

Well, I had to work till 7 last night. Picked up my DD at her Gram's after work and went home. My DS came in from lacrosse, nothing out of the ordinary.

I finally went to bed around 10 - 10:30 and I was reading. I heard STBX come home. He came into the bathroom, did whatever. I shut the light while he was in there. Next thing I know, he was tapping on me telling me "Happy Birthday" and he's sorry. I said, "thanks". That's it. Then he asked if I had received his email earlier in the day (I had him blocked here at work because I can't stand the hate mails, then the love mails, etc.). I told him, "No, you got the cut"!

Sorry, I'm rambling. Bottom line is there is something in me that is finally realizing it's time to turn the corner, and I'm avoiding him like the plague and it's taking it's toll on him. I HAVE NEVER IGNORED HIM LIKE THIS IN ALL THE YEARS WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER! YEAHHHH ME! I have always been there and he knew that and took advantage of it, for many many years.

I just had to share. I feel good today, hopeful.
Hugs to all.
Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 11:28am
You sound like a strongER woman, Jennifer.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 11:02am
I am new to this board. Your post just sounded familiar. I just found out My husband wants a divorce a few days ago. I have always been a doting wife, too doting. we are getting along but sometimes I feel like I am making it too easy for him. We still have to live together right now until we sell the house and figure stuff out. I guess it sounded like you might be in the same situation and it would be nice to hear from someone going through what I am
Good for you in being so strong and being able to move forward. That is the attitude I am hoping to gain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 12:46pm

Hello! Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. I'm glad you found us, just sorry it had to be under these circumstances.

I'll try to give you a "brief" update on me....I would have been married for 18 years this coming July. I filed for divorce in June 2006. He had been cheating on me with a mutual friend of ours that has since moved to Vegas. It all started with the cell phone texts, then the "mystery" calls, etc. I finally found a check he was sending to her with "Many GF" in the memo of the check (and I know the "F" didn't stand for "Friends".

Anyway, I filed and he moved out last July 2. Well, I really picked myself up, for me and my two kids (DS 17, DD 12) and we really were doing fine. Then he started showing up at mutual friends houses, etc...and well, sorry to say, I let him moved back in last Nov. I never got over the affair, even found pictures on his camera of his visit to Vegas. I could never let that go. So, we muddled along but agreed we had been given a second chance so we'd try. I could sense his distance (again) and a little over a week ago wrote him a letter asking him what his intentions were.

He is now saying that MY letter made him realize he still has "some" feelings for her and he could never give me what I needed. Whatever. It was just a cop out for him I think. A week before that he was telling me he wanted me forever, so whose the one that is confused?

So, he's moving out AGAIN at the end of the month. Luckily, my divorce was never legally withdrawn so all it took was a call to my attorney to get things rolling again. We should be "done" in a month or so.

I know I will never forget what he did to me, but it has made me stronger. Especially this time around. I hurt, deeply, because I just don't get how you could act and be sincere about our second chance, then leave, AGAIN. But that is the hand I've been given, it is what it is and I have to live with it.

Please know that things do get better. It's not easy, some days it seems impossible, but I survive. I try to surround myself with good things and good people.

Big hugs to you, you'll be in my thoughts. Please drop by any time, this board is great way to vent and share.

Thanks for your time...and hang in there cuz we're gonna be okay!
Jennifer in CT

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 10:42am
I am having a tough morning. My stbx is visiting a coworker in minnesota overnight that got in an accident or so he says. You see I have had a gut feeling that my husband has been cheating or at least flirting with the idea for the past few months. Nothing has happened as concrete as what you found to verify this, just little things. Like he would tell me he was looking around for a truck in a nearby town but I would find a receipt for some store sixty miles away. He always has answeres for my suspicions and blames my suspiciousness as part of the reason he wants out,(other than he doesnt love me anymore).
It sucks because I am sitting here wondering if he really is where he says he is and why does it matter? He swears up and down there is no one else and blah blah blah. I know we are divorcing but I dont want him with someone else. Plus someone that would screw around with a married man. I know I am rambling but I dont know if I should confront him yet again with my suspicions of just say forget it. The problem is that we have to live together for at least six months or so while we sell the house. I dont want him thinking he can romp around like a man whore while I am here holding it together. How do I get past giving a damn what he is doing anyway? I know you dont have all the answers, but it just sounds like you may be having some of the same feelings as me. Did you ever feel like there was something wrong with you that turned your husband away? That is another thing I am dealing with. I am 35 yrs old and am so scared to start over. Thanks for listening. I am here to listen too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 9:08am

Good Morning, well, as good as it can be right?

I've gone through the suspicion thing for 3 years! The first time I met the OW, there was something I didn't like about her. I didn't know what it was but it was some gut thing I felt. Her and her husband became good friends with me and mine....then they went through a divorce and she became a good friend to me and my family.....of course you know, that's not how the story ends. She betrayed me as well as the rest of my friends and family. Her and STBX were having an affair. It all started with a text on found on his phone from her saying she loved him and missed him very much....then I would catch him sneaking phone calls to her. Then I found the piece of mail in which he was sending her money! This went on for 2 years until I finally planted a digital recorder in my bedroom when I went to New York City for the weekend with friends. The tape just confirmed it all, I can't even repeat what they were talking about! I held on until I found the piece of mail with the check, that put me over the edge.

Sorry, I rambled there, I wanted to simply say, TRUST YOUR GUT! And all his swearing up and down that he's not doing anything is exactly what my STBX did...but I caught him. As far as other women that won't cheat...I truly believe they are far and few between because the OW in my situation, was my best friend!

I don't want him with her either! I don't understand why that is but it's maddening sometimes! I know he wants her and not me. He's leaving. We had a second chance and he's leaving. I'm trying to accept that.

If you are divorcing anyway, try to just move on. I'm saying this as some days I'm real good with that, other days I'm not. Do ANYTHING ELSE but obsess yourself with him and the OW! Read, walk, dance, cry, yell....visit friends, family...whatever it takes! I'm finding the only way I can "deal" some days is to not stop! Literally! From one thing to the other! Occupy your mind with something else. It has worked for me and pulled me through some really rough days! My kids are also a big help....hang out with them (if they'll allow it)...anything you can do...

I've been dealing with lots of emotions for a long time now. My STBX hasn't really been a "good" guy to me. He's been emotionally, verbally, and a couple times physically abusive with me. I guess I had a lot of time to think about the things he had done to me...and yes, I feel like I failed him....BUT not enough for him to cheat. He has even tried to justify what he's done because our marriage had fallen apart over the years. In my head, you can't justify cheating! So no matter what I did or didn't do for him, he crossed the line.

Try to stop beating yourself up. I've been there done that and we need to chin up..I truly thing my STBX likes to see me hurting. He's sick like that. So the more I ignore him and stop walking around here like a zombie, the more I think he's saying, "gee, she seems to be doing pretty good for a change"....hurts his ego I think.

I just turned 39 and I don't look forward to being alone either. But really, you are never alone! You have your children, and us and hopefully friends and family to get you through. I try not to look too far into the future...Just know, as I do, we are strong and we can love. Someone is out there looking for us...We just need to heal first.

Big hugs and please, write anytime. I'm sorry this got a bit lengthy but there's so much to the story...ugh, I think I could write a book!

Try to enjoy your day! I hope to hear from you soon!
Jennifer