WTH? Not ONE tear today!
Find a Conversation
WTH? Not ONE tear today!
| Mon, 01-29-2007 - 12:30am |
Oh my this is wonderful! I have not shed one tear today .!! Not ONE!
I dont even feel sad today. this is wonderful after freaking out for two months crying all the time, throwing fits of anger having fear blahblah (stbx leaving for a married woman what a soap opera)
I did get angry at him for minute about the way he answered a simple question in an abusive tone.....( he will be here two more weeks) though soon he will be gone working all the time. Our divorce should be final in a week or so maybe.........
Wowie does this feel good to not feel so sad that I am crying at the drop of a hat. I dont understand. why not even one tear???

It's the beginning of your HEAD working more than your HEART!
Congrats on the great day... there are so many more ahead
Kerry
And yes I am looking for many more peaceful days ahead!
What a horrible roller coaster ride this is!! I am so tired of it. Well maybe the good days will happen more often than they use to. However long it takes I hsve to get through this.
Hi Dollyfrocks
I've just been reading some of the threads and found a reply to someone else from you. You brought tears to my eyes. Something about a frog and hot water LOL....
Can I ask you something. When you talked about being in the same position 5, 10 and 15 years ago do you mean that your STBX cheated on you all those times with different people, same people, or you were just going to leave and didn't?
You've really struck a chord with me because my H had an A with one OW for 6 years and then fencesat between us for another year and a half. We've been trying to rebuild for 3 years and things are worse if not better than they were during the A. The reason your post has affected me so much is, I'm nearly 40...it's my 40th birthday this year. My MIL's H also had an A about 5 years ago and after my MIL made him leave he is now with that OW. My MIL is 65. Do I want to spend another 25 years trying and then being dumped anyway.
I have to admit it plays a huge part in my decision, the fact that even if my H hangs around now and even if he made a huge effort, maybe he would do the same to me in 5, 10, 15 years time when the kids are grown and are not an excuse for him to stay.
If you feel up to it, I would like to hear your story, advice....
Oh, and WOO HOO for you not having one tear today, that is my goal, to be happy for one whole day - Good for You!!!
Hi!! Well no I have never caught him cheating before though I did have my suspicions. VERY strong suspicions.
It was the way he treated me and our relationship.....how it worked. My kids said I was his punching bag all those years (emotional & verbal) they are 24 and 28 yrs old. So I think their view of the situation is real. My son has been here three years ........in this small house. so it was hard to give my stbx sex more than once a week. We let him do this to save his money for a while. My stbx told me the other day he had stayed these last three years so I wouldnt have to charge our son rent and slow his goals down. Boy what a splash of dirty water in the face. He had been saying I Love You everyday. He didnt do anything with me or take me anywhere. even when we went to our daughters we took separate cars.
He said it was because he may want to leave earlier which was usually the case. course now I found out her was leaving early to all OW.
I am not sure what I was talking about with the different years. cant remember lol
Probably the fact I knew I should get out and didnt. or went back when I did. I divorced him two other times. It was OUR idea. He just didnt treat me nice and I wanted out. But he was a hard worker, and good father and good sex. what do you do? You eventually get to the age when it looks so scary to look for another relationship. It was a joint plan the other divorces I guess. But we didnt stay apart more than a month or so.
once was longer as I actually married another guy. We were divorced and not living together when I met this man. marriage lasted 6 weeks and I am back with my stbx. he (current stbx) wanted me for sex I guess. Hey girls want to hear about that other marriage? He was my soul mate. We laughed we cried we did everything together I was in bliss. We went to NV to get married
The minute we got married he started talking very differently to me. He didnt even have sex with me on our wedding night. He became mentally and verbally abusive. I had looked for any signs of that stuff before I married him but couldnt see anything.
well back to this story. oh and no my stbx was not jealous we werent married, werent living together etc at that time. But over the years that is the longest we were not together. only a couple three months I think. were we apart.
I am sure part of my anger is realising now he was staying for the kids. ha even our adult kids so its more convenient to see them. I thought things were better the last three years and now I found out he was planning on divorcing me for the last three years especially but was waiting till adult son leaves. Boy did I get the wool pulled over my eyes.
I think much of this is part of my deep anger and hurt. You are almost 40. I am sure I was divorce from him then but we probably lived together. I am addicted to this man and have really messed my life up. If I was 40 right now and know what I know about our relationship and what has happened. I would go back to school and get that law degree I always wanted. I guess back then I thought I would always be his wife as we had mellowed and things were going better.
I could keep him here till my son leaves anyway but I am not going to do that. he has filed for divorce and wants out for this other woman. he said if it doesnt work with her it will be someone else.
If I were you I would save money, build your career and self esteem and maybe we should all plan on the possibilty of them dumping us at the end. makes me so sad ........women give men their lives then instead of being there when they get old they dump them often for a younger or richer woman. When I got one of our divorces I went to a little legal forms shop to do a do it yourself. The lady was probably almost 60 years old. He husband had left her for a younger woman recently. I guess she was doing what she was doing to help other women.
If lightning struck and my stbx canceled this divorce and wanted to try again I could not do that. I have absolutely not an ounce of trust for him. He not only was sneaking around making future plans with the married woman who bore his child 30 years ago. The talked constantly long distance and made these plans for when she leaves her husband in a year or so.......or he dies. she told him he had two heart attacks. wow what is she thinking perhaps he will die and she can have my husband. He was lying to me for the last few years to Be near the kids. I did not know this man was capable of such deceit. I am quite sure had I not freaked and told him he couldnt see or talk to that woman and if he was going to do that we had to get a divorce and he said ok thats what we will do. but if I hadnt pushed it, just went along for the ride we would not almost be divorced. He would have stayed with me till she was ready to leave her H or he found something else. Something different and new I guess. Is that all we mean to these husbands that were spose to love and cherish us? are we just a piece of meat and someone to cater to them?
I dont know what is wrong. But If I were you and I was you now, I would base my life on MYSELF and my own goals and save as much money as you can. Use him. good grief he had a six year affair? He was not thinking of you when he did that. He was walking all over you.
Much of my story is in a post called I Am So Full Of Rage. I will bump it up to the recent page to make it easier for you to find. Yes I too think about the poor little frog. I am that frog and I am not sure if I am going to make it out of this boiling water.
keep us posted!