WWYD? Vacation w/dad, unexcused abesces

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
WWYD? Vacation w/dad, unexcused abesces
21
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 3:47pm

I have a question for you fine ladies!


My ex wants to take our son for a week-long vacation during the month of October...and wants him to miss a week of school! Let me explain...


1. Our son is going to be in 8th grade next year. While he is very bright and is a good student, he also has a hard time catching up when he misses school for excused absenses (illnesses). He gets very stressed-out about the work he misses. Right now, he's seeing a counselor because of school stress related issues.


2. The school administration frowns on unexcused absences for vacations. They also have a very strict attendance policy.


3. This may not be a popular opinion, but unless the circumstances are extreme, I do not believe in missing school for vacations. In our district, they have ten weeks off

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 4:42pm

Your EX is not looking out for the best interest of your son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 5:00pm

I don't particularly recommend taking a child out of school for vacation myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 5:16pm

I accidentally misspelled "absences" in my posting title...hate the fact I can't change that!


You can try reasoning with your wife and also get the schools opinion on the matter but I'm not sure if you can stop her from taking him.


He's my ex husband, not current wife....lol! Unfortunately, he always wants to get back at me because I "left" him. If I try to reason with him or even dream of making a suggestion, he'll typically do the exact opposite, just to prove a point. I know, I'm worried there's nothing I can do to stop him either. i just wish he'd understand the impact this would have on our son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 7:21pm

As a parent, and a teacher, I would concur on him not missing a week of school in October, especially if he already has anxiety/stress issues over school. Besides, I'm sure after the week's vacation the responsibility would fall on YOU to ensure/help him catch up. That doesn't seem fair. We are willing to do a lot for our children, but I don't think I should have to clean up after their father, especially when it's an ex-spouse.


Is it a pleasure vacation? Or is it attached to some milestone or something? It seems strange that he has to do it in October, rather than June, July or August.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 7:31pm

I'm glad to hear a teacher's perspective...I appreciate it!


This is for DS's great-grandmother's 90th birthday. He met her once and does not remember her. Her party will be held over Columbus Day weekend. I have NO problem with him going for the long weekend, or even missing one day of school. I understand a 90th birthday is a big deal. But there is NO NEED for him to miss an entire week of school for this. It's a three-hour plane ride to Florida. He can easily send him back on Monday or Tuesday of that week.


Siiigghhhh....I really am trying to be reasonable and flexible, but this is just the straw that broke the camel's back!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 9:34pm

You do not have to allow him to go, and your EX can't just take him, especially across state lines.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 2:34am

Hi Justice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 3:19pm
Does your school have a handbook w/ the attendance policies spelled out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 12:57am
First, thank you for your feedback. Now, to answer your questions:

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 8:57am
Contact the police and tell them that your XH is threatening to kidnap your kid and take him across state lines against your permission. In most states he cannot do that unless he has full custody. You can prevent him from doing it. Don't let him yet to bully you.

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