WWYD? XH Visitation Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
WWYD? XH Visitation Question
12
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:12pm

For those of you who don't know, xh and I divorced over 3 years ago and the week after the divorce was final, he moved to LA (we're in GA).

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:09am

Ugh! Hard one..........

Julie, I think I've gotten to know you too well over the past couple months to give you a good answer on this, but I'll try!! The thing that keeps popping into my head is Dr. Phil saying, "So do you want to be RIGHT, or do you want to be HAPPY?"

In this case, RIGHT gives Joey the weekend with his father, and HAPPY gives you a birthday with Joey.

BUT.......

When Joey is grown up, will he remember that he wasn't with you for one birthday out of 25? Probably not. Will he remember the T-ball game that his father attended? Probably.

Do something cool with your Mom.... something you can't do with Joey in tow.

After all, you know that you're his best girl, right???

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:06am

I agree w/ callalilly65. I am sure I would feel the same way you do about not having your son around for your birthday. But since he rarely gets to see his day, this might be the perfect chance for, like you said, plan a girls weekend or something and really celebrate! And I wouldn't say you are being selfish for feeling the way you are feeling. I think that its normal. Like I said, I know that i would feel the same way.

Good Luck,
Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:11am

I'm sure that my opinion here won't be very helpful, but these days (especially since school has been out)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:27pm
It sounds like you can have a Mommy birthday and a Family birthday later that week. It could be the best of both worlds. But, if you think it will bother you to not have Joey with you on that day tell your Ex that he's going to have to work around it. He really doesn't have the right to just show up and mess up your plans. I say do what will make you happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 7:22pm
My son had the fortunate timing to be born right after a holiday. Since this holiday is not a set date, we always celebrated his birthday on that holiday, cause all of the family was already together. He very rarely had his actual birthday. He just became used to celebrating it on said holiday.
My birthday is right in between my daughters and my Moms. So I don't celebrate it. In the last 38 years, I have had maybe, 2 birthday cakes. It is just a day.
Your son will probably enjoy being with his Dad, he will be very grateful to you someday.
This would be an awsome lesson in sharing for all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:15pm

I know... we have gotten to know each other... its been fun... and I know you're right.

 


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Registered: 05-12-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:17pm

Thanks Denise... I love this place, how you can vent and get it out and have people who understand where you're coming from.

 


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Registered: 05-12-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:45pm

Hey there Karen...


I know you're right... I honestly don't know if our decree states anything about our birthdays or not... I don't remember... and I do tend to have the never ending birthday celebrations as well... so this year will be no different... of course while we were in Disney, Joey announced that he and my Mom were bringing me to Disney for my birthday (much to Mom's surprise of course).


You have seen Joey in action though... he is very much Joey the planner... but he will be beyond thrilled to see his father and that is what is really important...


*hugs*


Julie

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:48pm

Honestly, seeing my little guy happy is what will ultimately do it for me--he has had a rough couple of nights... and I'm sure part of it is because he hasn't seen his father in so long... Some may say that I'm letting him call the shots about when he sees his son, but seriously, it only happens a couple times a year, so I do think it is important for them to get that time together (when my "jack" of an xh lets it happen)...


It just feels good to get it out to someone who understands, like those on this board...


*hugs*


Julie

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:54pm

I definitely agree and never really even considered not letting xh have him for the whole weekend, even when it was my birthday, because they do get to see each other so infrequently... and your comments echoed some of what xmil and I talked about last night...


I was telling her that it really was all right--that we'd celebrate my birthday before or after and I'd be with that... that the actual day isn't as important when you're in your 30's as it is when you're 5 and turning SIX on x day... I can't even remember how old I am half the time (does that mean I'm old) and find myself having to do subtraction to figure it out when asked by someone I don't mind telling...


*hugs*


Julie

 


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