X gave up on kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
X gave up on kids
5
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 11:35pm

My x has become a total crap father since we split. He barely sees the kids and when he does it is because I am begging him. Which by the way I am no longer going to do. Our children are 4 and 1. He claims he doesn't have the money to buy a crib so he can keep our daughter overnight. His newest excuses have been that he is working. However I have caught him up in several lies when he says he is going to work and well I either see his truck by his house or we are texting at the time he is supposed to be at work.

I just don't know what to do anymore. My 4 year old son just cries for his dad. Asks to call him all the time. When I let him. His dad will say he will get him and never does. It is breaking my heart.

Never in a million years did I think our split would result in this behavior from him. Does anyone have advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 4:07am
I just cant fathom why some parents do this ... Im so sorry.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 8:15am

I am sorry to say that "it will only get worse or this is how it will probably be."

However I have learned from these boards that you have to deal with what you have. My X also kinda gave up on our DD when he had 2 more children while we were separated. Now he is the loving father that can't take care of our DD but can live and do all the family things with his new "family". He didn't come see her during her surgery, 2 hospitalizations and numerous school functions etc.

I am done covering for him I continue to say Daddy does love you but I have no idea why he didn't come. Breaks your heart to see your children hurting but they will continue to put him on a pedastel and there is nothing you can do about it. Don't try. I am learning day by day and it is harding than heck. And my situation it has only been 3 years and it has gotten worse each year.

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 8:58am

I'm glad that you stopped calling and begging.... the best remedy to try to fix this is for EX to hear from NONE of you.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:06pm

Well my x was a total crap father before he left too, but at least the kids saw him occasionally then. He has lived 5 minutes away from us since he left and has spent less than 30 hrs TOTAL with the girls in the last year (I keep a written log). He also seems to think child support is optional.

So I can relate all to well to your post and know how d@mn frustrating it all can be. My girls are 8 and 3 and as sad as it is, the 3 yo really has no interest in him at all. He has no idea what he's missing.

Hold your babies tight and let them know that you are and always will be there for them and tell your 4yo the truth, you don't know why his father is behaving this way but I wouldn't make excuses for him.

Trudy

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:09pm
MY X IS THE SAME WAY. SITUATION IS WHEN HE HAS ARREST WARRANTS OUT FOR NOT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT, HE DOES NOT COME AROUND. MY OLDEST IS 7 AND HAD TO GO THERAPY. IT HELPED A LOT. IT IS HARD BUT I DO NOT BASH THEIR DAD. THEY STILL TO THIS DAY PUT HIM UP ON A PEDESTAL. I FEEL FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS. CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE SUBJECTED TO THIS. I CALL IT EMOTIONAL ABUSE.