X & GF in same bedroom with DS...
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X & GF in same bedroom with DS...
| Thu, 12-28-2006 - 4:33pm |
Last night, 10 y/o DS mentioned that "it's hard to sleep when GF is at Dad's"... I responded, "what do you mean?", knowing that X's apartment is a one-room studio. There is one bed, which is in the only common area of the place. DS said, "The GF is in the bed", I said, "where is dad?", and DS said, "In the bed." Where are you during this?" Ds replied, "On the floor on the air mattress." The room is about 20 x 15... there is NO privacy, except in the bathroom. I'll be speaking with X about this... has anyone had this happen, or have any advice?

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~Karen˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ
Personally I find it disgusting but as far as the law is concerned it may be against the law to have sex with a minor that close in the same room.
That just seems so wrong...
Not to raise the "ewww" factor any higher, but did your son elaborate why it was hard to sleep? Is it because of noise or because he's uncomfortable on the floor?
I don't have any advice except maybe ask your attorney what you can do. Good luck with this one. It really stinks when there is a problem that is in as bad taste as this one is.
I was so shocked that I didn't ask DS why... just tried to stay calm and managed to ask DS where is dad was. :shudder: I guess I'll have to ask DS why he couldn't sleep... maybe put it like: "Does GF snore or something?"
I did email my attorney, and she said it was totally inappropriate, and to ask X if he could come up with a better solution. My mom is quite concerned about the situation too.
Thanks for the advice, I rally appreciate it.
UPDATE:
I spoke with X this morning... he sees the situation as "camping out", and not inappropriate. :rolling eyes: A few minutes later, I called DS's counselor, and left a message on her voice mail.
I'd also call your lawyer again and ask if anything can be done legally since it sounds like he's going to pretend this is okay. Did she/he mention if there was anything that could be done after you ask him to stop?
X came over a little while ago to pick up DS-- for an afternoon (because GF's kids are there, so X won't have to bother too much with DS >-0 ) and overnight visit... I asked X-- "Is it going to be just the 2 of you?" X said, "No." I said, "I feel that it's inappropriate to have DS there while GF is spending the night, since you're all in the same room." His reply was to the effect of: "I don't think it's inappropriate at all. Everyone should do it, and not be secretive about it. You just want to control what I do." I said, "Listen: if the situation was reveresed, and *I* was in a one-room place and had a guy sleep over, you'd have something to say." So, of course he says, "No I wouldn't. You had your friend stay over." (I was seeing someone earlier in the year, and while my friend came over to visit during the DAY, he never stayed the night... Our sons met him, but he never slept over)... I told X that wasn't accurate, and besides, DS goes over to visit him maybe 2 nights out of 14-- the GF can't stay at HER place those 2 nights? Well, X told me some sob story about how she has no place to go (she and he 4 kids are staying with her mother, so it sounds to ME like she has a place to sleep), so what was he supposed to do? And that since he had to pay me a settlement, then it was because of THAT that he couldn't expand his apartment to add a room for DS. What a crock.
I told my mom about this latest development, and she's furious. I'm furious. I said to my mom, "I wonder if X's mom would think it an appropriate situation?" My mom suggested that I call X, and tell him that I'll be picking DS up at 8 p.m. if GF is going to be spending the night. I'll call him in a little while.
I left a message for my lawyer, but she may be away for the holidays.
UPDATE # 2:
I called X up a short while ago, to let him know that I felt the sleping arrangement was inappropriate, and that I was going to pick up DS this evening. I also let him know that my attorney felt it was totally inappropriate as well. X flew into a rage, and said that "I could care less about what YOUR attorney felt about MY kids!!!" I said, they aren't just YOUR kids, they are OUR kids. Until we can resolve this, I felt it's better that DS sleeps at home, since his GF was going to be spending the night again.
So then he starts in on "You spent 2 months in hotel rooms with your friend and negelcted our kids!" Which was an UTTER lie. When I visited the guy I was seeing (who lived in about 120 miles from my house), DS was at X's for the weekend. I visited my friend 2 weekends, and one overnight trip to Mystic Seaport. He visited me once, maybe twice, but didn't stay at my house. He stayed at a hotel in a town 20 minutes from me, when DS was visiting X. I spoke with him on the phone frequently, but it was while the kids were in school, and after they went to bed. Nonetheless, I somehow managed to get them to their appointments on time, up and dressed for school, got their clothes laundered, got their dinner made, and dealt with DS's erratic behavior due to the fact that X wasn't giving him his ADHD meds, and gave me NO parenting support. I got our son (whom I was NEGLECTING!!) into intensive counseling when X IGNORED his firesetting and destructive behavior, and said it was just "boys being boys" and the ADHD meds were "cocaine". I guess he FORGOT about the GAL report, which said that X was an alcoholic who contradicted himself constantly, and that I was doing a fine job. But then again, X thought that the 3 social workers, the pediatrician, DS's counselor, my counselor and the GAL herself were conspiring against him, so that's why it came out in my favor instead of his.
GRRR!! So anyway, X told me that he wasn't going to be home, so I could not get DS this evening. I told him he was a real piece of work, and that we'd resolve this the legal way. Also asked him if he thought his mom would think it was appropriate... He said heck yes. What a loser.
Edited 12/30/2006 6:50 pm ET by susieyippin
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