X locking DS in house
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:02am |
This past Sunday, 10 y/o DS had a day visit with X. Around 2:00 p.m., DS calls my house. After a few minutes of talking with him, he tells me, "Dad isn't here." So I say, "Is X's GF there then?" DS: "Nope, no one is here." I said, "What? Dad wouldn't leave you alone, what's going on?" DS said, "No, he went to do some errands, and locked me in." !!!!!!!!!!!!
So I called X, who actually sounded MAD at ME. I said, "Uh, DS sounded a bit nervous-- are you there with him?" X says, "No, I'm getting my laundry. I'll be back at my place in a few minutes."
Holy crap. First off, DS has ADHD, and impulse control issues. He wasn't locked in a house, he was locked in a garage apartment. The only means of egress is a door that can be unlocked with a key-- from the inside and outside. The windows are covered with heavy-duty steel mesh. If there had been a fire, or an emergency, DS would not have been able to get out.
I spoke with DS's counselor about the incident this morning, and she was going to talk with DS in their session this morning, and she may have to report it to protective services. I told her that would be fine with me.

Pages
Susie,
I'm so sorry that this happened to you and your ds!! How awful!!
Bravo! to you for calling your ds's counselor. A suggestion here? I would call/write to your family court immediately. The behavior of your x, is deplorable!! Putting your anger and frustration aside, it sounds like you've done this, you have to protect your son. You know this. As a mom, that's what we do. Even if it's protecting him from his father.
From the outside looking in, and not knowing either of you, it sounds to be as though your x couldn't be bothered with your son. Why did he not take your son with him to do the errands? Regardless of the issues with your son, your x had other options. Taking ds with him, calling you to explain that your x had things to do, could you come and get ds? It seems to me as though your x didn't think this whole thing through.
The trauma to your son needs to be addressed also. It sounds as though you have a good base with a counselor, but as mom's, we know that sometimes issues with our kids don't show for a bit.
Just know that we're here, and I'm thinking about you and your son today. Sending you positive, healing thoughts, and prayers!!
Let us know how you both are doing!!
Laurene
I'll say!! You simply don't leave a child that age alone, period. Report away.
M
Unbelievable!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
In a nurse and if a child had told me this, I would have had to report it to CPS. Definitely get this on record. Your ex has very poor decision making skills.
Hugs.
Hi Laurene,
You're right, my X couldn't really be bothered with DS-- he has a new GF, and she takes up most of his time. X is very busy trying to impress the new GF and her 4 kids, so of course, his own kids get demoted to 3rd class.
X is really quite clueless- last year, when the same DS was having issues with experimental firesetting, X's way of teaching DS was to show him how to clear the area and set up the fire. DUHHHH! I got social workers involved, and had DS enrolled in intensive family therapy. The therapists made X take DS to a firesetter course.
X thinks that the ADHD meds that DS is on are "cocaine" or "speed". The meds are helping our son, and when we saw progress with DS, X wanted him to take him off them because he was "better". X doesn't think like normal people do.
I just left a message for the GAL that was working with us this summer. Also left a message with my lawyer, and just got off the phone with DSS (Department of Social Services).
Oh, I can definitely see since the incident that DS has been more on edge, and tougher to get going in the morning.
I'll keep you posted.
Hi Karen,
I never leave DS home alone-- on Sundays, I go out to get the paper, and DS always asks to stay home alone while I'm gone. Each and every time I tell him no-- even if he gets pi$$y about it. X's problem is that he doesn't want to say no to DS; he wants to be his friend.
I just got off the phone with DSS; they'll file the report, and call DS's counselor to follow up with her (she had a session with DS this a.m.).
X doesn't think like normal people do. I had to stop overnights with him and X for a while because X was sleeping in the same room with his GF AND DS. In a tiny studio. He didn't see anything remotely inappropriate about the arrangement. When I questioned him about it, I was told that I was controlling, and I couldn't tell him what to do. "Why should *I* have to conform to what society says", was his arguement. Not whether it was awkward for DS, but how it was his right to do what he wants. He's a nimrod.
Well, he'd be sorry that he acted like a friend if something happened.... and ya know, the part that scares me the most about that is that your DS could've accidentally started a fire (I'll make toast, I'll make a grilled cheese, I'll burn a candle... anything!!!!) and DS would not have been able to get out of the house.
I've learned.... my kids think of me as a friend when I set limits and tell them no.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Right-- the fire thing scares me silly. DS is the curious type who will open the woodstove door and shovel papers in while embers come tumbling out. X has a pellet stove at his place in the apartment-- the only heat source in the apartment. But DS coupld have easily opened it up.
I doubt that X will see it as screwing up, unfortunately. Chances are, he'll try and blame it on me, or say that it's good for DS.
Pages