XH new baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
XH new baby
2
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 12:18am

Brief history while still married XH slept with his sister's sis-n-law and got her prego and hid it from me until the day this child was born. 9 months he hid it from me. We have a DD and he took our DD to meet her new sister the day after she was born WITHOUT talking to me first. I just thought we were separated and here he was having another family. Ok that was almost 2 years ago. We will be divorced 1 yr this summer.

I hate my X because of the lying sack of crap he is any way.....my X is way behind in his CS and his car was repo'd and now he moved his GF in with him at his sister's house and lives off his sister and his GF welfare.

Now his GF is prego again (their other kid is only 1 1/2) and of course my X asked our DD if she wanted a baby brother and my DD (almost 6) started crying and told him "No more babies!! you have 2 babies and I don't see you!!" Her words to me when she came home crying. So now he takes our DD to his GF ultrasound to tell her she is going to have possibly a baby brother.

She is 6 and now she is kind of excited. She will soon learn different. He told her she would always be his baby girl and after his 2nd kid came she would come home and say "my dad just spent time with the other kid."

What bothers me is that when I was prego I wanted a boy really really bad and when I found out our baby was a girl I was so angry. I KNOW I KNOW everyone reading this is probaby cussing at the screen BUT that was because I wanted a boy because in my mind my son would be momma's baby. Because I know I am my daddy's girl. And of course our DD was my X's baby girl. When I was prego my X and I were NOT on very good terms and I can honelstly say I truly truly couldn't stand him then....but that was a differnt story. BUT THEN THE MOST AMAZING THING HAPPENED....I had to have a C-section and when my X was the first to hold her and he brought her to me and I was only able to touch her with my left middle finger I remember right to this day (my arms were out at my sides because of my IV's) As soon as I touched her with my finger I cried out loud GOD PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND EVERYTHING I HAVE SAID AND DONE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MY BABY GIRL. (crying right now as I type)

I have shared with my DD what momma did and I continously tell her that I pray to God that he sent you to me and I wouldn't want things any differnt. And truly if I had another baby I wouldn't care what gender it was.

Any way as I keep rambling when my DD told me they think it is a boy - it made me kind of sad. Now I have been having dreams about things that actually took place between my X and I in my dreams. Almost feels real -- why do I care if they have a boy? Why? I don't want to feel this way. My X is a loser truly is and it makes me angry how he treats our DD. Always threatening me that she will come live with him when she grows up and knows how I didn't want her and how he is going to lower his child support and on and on. He can't even afford his own vehicle, house or pot to piss in but he can keep having babies and the rest of us have to pay for it because he and she are too lazy to go work.

WHY DO I CARE????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: nefer_tt
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 8:11am


You know, through all of this, you still have a very good sense of humor! I, for one, am most definitely NOT cussing at the screen. And believe me, I have been known to do this. You're being open and honest about how you felt. LOTS of people don't do that. I admire the fact that you're being truthful about your feelings. But after you had your daughter and held her, you realized how wonderful she is, and are a great mom. THAT's what matters. She knows you love her. Don't worry about the past. People have done FAR worse than wish for a child of a certain gender.



I know you don't. Even though you don't want your ex back, it's hard to be slapped in the face with the loss of a dream.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
In reply to: nefer_tt
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 11:27am

Thank you so much for your advice. I hate feeling this way. I just hate it. I haven't seen my X in almost a year. I mean if and when he drops off our DD I see a glimpse of him from the window. I usually have him pick her up from my parent's and when I need to pick her up from him I have my sister do it. There is no reason either one of us needs to be around the other. I have talked to him if you call it talking. We usually wind up arguing because he just thinks as a father he can just say I WANT MY DD TODAY BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO BE IN TOWN, but if I say no then he flips out and we argue and then I remember why I truly hate him.

I need to get a modification that he can't just call whenever and say I want her. But any modifications cost money I dont' have. and thus brings up another subject $$$.

Thank you again. I truly appreciate it.