You almost have to laugh
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| Thu, 03-29-2007 - 2:12pm |
I just had to post this as a shake-your-head type of incident. I’ve been divorced from my lying, cheating was-band for about three years now. We have had zero contact in over two years except for at November of last year. He emailed me to let me know that he had rejoined the army and would be leaving for Iraq by Christmas. I waited a few weeks, but I eventually emailed him back with something to the effect of “ok, I understand, I know you were happy in the Army and so I hop you’re happy now.” I thought it was very civil and very polite.
Flash forward to yesterday when I was bored and scanning around myspace and ran across his picture. My was-band had a myspace account and so I decided to check it out. For starters, he lied about the Army and Iraq and all of the rest of the junk he told me. But, who cares, right? He’s engaged to the girl he was spending all of him time with while we were married. (I guess she left her husband, and apparently took their kids with her) and then I ran across his post about ME! Around the time we had exchanged these emails a few months ago, he had posted something to the effect of: My exwife just emailed me to say that she hopes I’m happy. Well I am happy, especially now that I’m away from that cheating wh0re who could do nothing but spread her legs and make me miserable. Now I’m with someone I know loves me.”
My knee-jerk reaction was fury. He cheated from the beginning of our marriage. Granted, I did start dating after we separated which I now have mixed feelings about (Did I cheat? Didn’t I? Opinions seem to differ). My family and I had bent over backwards to help him get anything he ever wanted and stepped up when his own family turned their backs on him. For that he cheated on me and stole from my parents. After the shock wore off, though, I thought the best thing about this is that it’s been THREE YEARS since I worked up the nerve to file. I can honestly say that each year since then has been better than the last and each of them was better than being with him.

After your knee-jerk reaction (which I had the same for you), all you can do is SMILE. Smile in the fact that you hope he's happy with whatever lies he tells and whoever else he hurts because he can't hurt you anymore! Calling you a wh0re is just words and doesn't do anything phsycial to you (other than wanting to initially bash his head in).
My stbx throws it in my face all the time that I'm seeing someone. I'm sorry that you sucked as a husband and I saught someone elsewhere. Yes, I should have waited for an official divorce maybe (which we haven't even filed yet), but we rarely use our brains when it comes to love/dating/relationships, etc. I was told by a friend not too long ago that she never wanted to hear me call myself an "adultress wh0re" again. I really felt like that is what people think of me sometimes and while it is so harsh, I was making a slight joke, but slightly serious. I realized the damage I can do to myself by thinking that let alone saying it out loud. I try very hard to only say positive things in my head and out loud now.
Do NOT feel guilty for dating after you were separated (I sensed some lingering guilt in you about this). I still feel guilty and am telling you not to feel guilty, lol, but you can't blame yourself for that! I think we need to 'get out there' once we have dumped or been the dumpee and try to feel attractive again. Just knowing someone else finds you beautiful, lavishes attention on you, etc. all helps the whole self-esteem.
While I hate to hear that he's being an @ss on a stupid my-space page - i hate myspace btw - don't even let it bother you. What goes around comes around and just be the better woman - as it seems you are.