You guys are all I got

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
You guys are all I got
6
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 7:32pm
So Im driving home today after a long day full of disappointments and roadblocks. Im wishing i had someone to call to just unload on. It hit me, I got noone. For those of you saying, oh Im sure theres someone....let me run down the list. My mom...well mom just recently made the shift from mentally ill to clinically insane..so shes out. Im trying to find time to work with my sibs to get her some "forced" help as she is not safe to be on her own...Okay..sibs..well I got 6 of em, but they all have thier own issues and pains to deal with right now.(keep in mind all raised by mentally ill mom)...so yeah, they got enough to deal with. Best friend. Just moved to Italy a couple months ago. talk about Sh***y timing...in laws...yeah right. forget it...they hate me...long time friend turned special guy...nope. Im finding when I unload on him, he stuggles for what to say, and i expect him to say something, so for the sake of not ruining it, Im trying to stay away from that....Im in a new town, all alone, and several friends back home have taken STBX's side in this, saying see-ya molly....Wow. that is the worst feeling in the world. Driving along, realizing you are all alone. Feeling it close down around you. Then I thought of this board. I have come close to venting in the past but thought..naw...noone wants to hear my crap...well hear it or not, maybe it will help to just get it out there.
So what got me to this place. A whole day of running around hitting roadblocks and disappointments. Ill try to be brief....So I am at the end of my nursing pre-recs. Only 2 more classes to go. Then i face waitlists and delays getting in because nursing schools are swamped. I have almost 90 college credits and still cant make more than minimum wage. So im thinking that i will need a decent job to get thru till i get in one school or another. I think back to my younger days and remembered going thru EMT training, loving it, they make about 15/hr, so im thinking awesome, stay in the medical field, make enough to eat and wait out the long wait. Well, long story short, I literally cant get into a class. even if i pay cash. I have to be affiliated with a fire dept, which is an application process (lengthy) and by the time I could get in as a volunteer, my next school schedule wouldnt work with the training times. (even if i passed the physical..lol) Major bummer....That is the only way in. So I thought, Okay, well, my app is in to get my CNA back as well, so I will call and check on that. (he!! on the back, but makes about 14/hr,so same game plan) there is a class starting this week sometime and i was sure I was in because I made a great impression in the interview....So I call, and the nurses receptionist says "oh no, shes teaching a class, you must not have gotten in, its started already." NICE...Now this is only a big deal because A&P next quarter which I have to have is only given smack in the middle of the day. CNA classes are all day long for a month.So that is out until summer. (not paid training either) A couple other jobs have fallen through because i only have an academic history, no work history. Again...NICE. (not) So I am waiting with baited breath and heartburn till friday at 6 am to find out if I get into A&P...Thats all I got left. I have no backup plan besides that. If i dont get in, not only am I thrown off for applying to nursing school on time, but I have nothing to take...my income is largely student loans. So this poses a problem.....I am the kind of person who has to have a backup plan and i just burned thru both of them in one day..feeling alittle scared here....On top of that I am dealing with phone calls from STBX that I gave up Im a selfish bit**, I chose my happiness and my sanity over my family (yeah i laughed at that one too) I so dont have time for his crap right now...Okay, so sorry to dump like this....Im scared, alone, and it hit me on the way home, you guys are all i got right now. So thanks for being there. (everyone please pray for a seat in A&P with my name on it) I really need a break here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 10:12pm

Molly,

This board is a new place for me, but in some ways I feel like you. I have one sister who has been traveling for the last month, my friends are pretty tired of hearing about my sorry saga, at least I have my therapist. Being alone, it's an odd feeling after having a partner to rely on for years. I can't talk to him at all, he is not legally allowed to (domestic violence) and even if he could, would I want to?

I hope you get into your A&P class! I had no idea nursing had become such a hot profession. Things have a way of working themselves out, even if it does not feel that way right now. This is what I have to tell myself! I moved to a new city and days after I got here, the X hit me and proceeded to divorce me. I have not gotten a steady job yet, nice, eh? Stay strong and I will try to do the same.

E

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 10:58pm
I'm saying a prayer for you! Good luck! I don't have a lot of people to vent to either...I usually end up e-mailing a long vent session to my sister...she may not even read most of it but it feels better to get it out anyhow. Keep posting if it helps. Things will work out for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 5:40am
It sounds like you are having a rough day - and I certainly know how you feel about venting. I have posted somewhere before about how people seem to get tired of hearing me talk about my husband..it is sort of like he's been gone a couple of months now - I've filed for divorce - so he is part of my past. That is so untrue. I have so many mixed feelings - and it is hard not to have anyone to talk to. My parents are here in town but there is only so much I can tell them. I get along fantastic with my in-laws - talk to them but there is only so much I can tell them. I am trying SO hard not to say alot around my two children - I'm so worried about the 13 year old - who is totally blocking out his dad in his mind. I can't afford a therapist or counselor...I've tried my church and my pastor said "we really need to talk to your husband, so no matter where you see him, pay phone, red light, whereever call us and we will go and try to talk to him" well hello, it was me that called me that needs help - none offered. So I agree that this board is wonderful! You are in my thoughts this morning...stay strong...they say everyday gets easier - but so far that is not true for me. My husband "when" he was working made way more money than me - and it has been so hard going from two incomes to one - if it wasn't for my parents paying for everything he use to pay for we would be living with them. And they can't keep this up. It has been two months already. I found out yesterday that my court date is December 13th. I am so VERY nervous because I don't have a lawyer and have no idea what to expect. I've been trying to find someone who has actually done this without a lawyer. I am number 6 that day...don't know if that is bad or good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 8:06am
Sending you hugs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 8:20pm
Wow, you must be nervous with the date coming so fast. I have not filed yet as I cant afford it. But we are doing it without a lawyer too. I came close last time, but never got the courtroom (when i filed 3years ago) From what I hear, its really just a formality to have the judge "OK" everything youve agreed and signed to, he sort of makes sure noone gets screwed, that property is divided ok, that child support is not too much/too little, etc...A couple friends went that route. Thier ex's were more cheap than amicable, so the "do it yourself" worked for them. I Will be filing after the first of the year. Suppose to split the cost. Well see how that gos. I will put a little star on my calendar and send happy thoughts on the 13th...
As for school, I woke up and thought to myself, what do you do when the only plan you got is shaky at best.....hmmmm..well, you dig your heels in and fight like he!!.....So thats what I did. Super long story short, I went to the college and talked to alot of people about my registration problem, that I needed an earlier registration date if i have any chance of getting in.....Got told NO 7 times. NO, sorry, it cant be done. I almost gave up, cried alittle, then thought...oh no, Im not done yet...went to the Deans office and said, Look, I know that there is someone on this campus that can override this. WHO are they and WHERE can I find them.Then to the VP of student services and then to the VP of records and registration....Long story short, I walked out ENROLLED IN ANATOMY......I was absolutely on cloud nine!!! I cant believe it worked out. There was just something very bulldog about me this morning. The kids are depending on me, and I couldnt leave the campus without getting what I came for....It was all I had left. I needed this break. All the positive thoughts from this board must have helped. It was funny tho, because i really felt like I had nothing left...no more fight in me, not the kind I needed for this. Funny you find strength you didnt know you had right when you need it most. I am positive you will too....Maybe you could call a Legal Aid organization, just so they could tell you what to expect? Or someone from the courthouse? Well, Im going to take the kids out for a celebration dinner I cant afford...lol..take care and stay strong....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 5:48am
I found out yesterday that they have changed the date back to January 8th. Someone told me yesterday that they bet my husband was going to really miss us at Christmas. I sort of doubt it the way he acted over Thanksgiving...not one word was heard from him. I am just amazed every single day that he doesn't try to at least get in touch with his children or his mama. I just wish that he would give me some money....he hasn't even called one time to ask "do I have any mail?" Of course he has never cared about bills - never has opened his own birthday card from August. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. I am sort of thinking that they may cut my home telephone off which means that the internet will be cut off. If they do this - does anyone know of a way that I can get internet service to my house without having a working phone line? I guess you can't can you?