You know what I need?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:37pm |
Direct from the Starter Wife previews "You know what I need? A really great kiss." Boy can I relate to that one. I am no where near wanting a new relationship but a really good kiss would be nice.
It has been a little over five months since stbx dropped the bomb (in case you don't know my story: out of the blue he announces he is unhappy, in love with someone else and wants a divorce we've got two small children). My head was spinning for a while but I feel like I am startng to figure things out. I know where I want the kids and I to live, I've got a great school for them, I am close on a job that I am excited about, I am surrounded by friends and family who love me and are supported. Basically, I am starting to feel really good about where I am.
I just wanted to thank everyone here who have been sharing this journey with me. I am sure I will have down days ahead but I know they will be fewer and farther between than they have been. It has been a stressful time (and still is). At least I can picture in my head the life I want and am starting to put the pieces of that together.
Keep the faith everyone.

I agree... a really great kiss would be really magnificent right now... gave me something to dream about... thanks:)
and you're right... it does get better, just sometimes not as quickly as we would like...
Oh man- Do I hear that!! I had a WAY too young guy ask me out this weekend and I really wanted to to say yes, but my brain(along with my friends I was with) was SCREAMING No!!! :-) It's totally best that nothing will come of it, but man- just for a wild sexy kiss.....
I can sympathize there. Only I was there before he announced he was leaving. The last six months of our marriage was pretty platonic. I chalked it up to all the heart and blood pressure medications as every time he switches a med, we'd have problems in the intimacy department,but, apparently, it was him planning on leaving.
Physical intimacy would be nice. Unfortunately, I have to get ready for a new relationship first. Maybe I should get a puppy, lol. Something to lavish me with kisses, lol.
Oh wow, what a really encouraging post!! Way to go, my dear! I have known my D was coming as of Oct. 15 and he declared himself done Dec. 13th, so I have known as long as you and although I am being proactive and I will be glad to be as done as possible with him, and I have the same levels of support as you describe, I still feel really upset about the impact on my children (we tell them late June and he moves out early July) and having to go back to work.
Tell me about your job prospects and about how your children are doing. How old are they? Tell me how you handled the prospect of moving them and yourself to a new area and how they are dealing with that? Do they see their dad? Is there regular "visitation"? How are they dealing with that?
Thanks for sharing!
M
My kids are six and seven and they are doing well. They adjust well to change and are excited about the new school especially. They see their dad on alternate weekends. He is a great dad and always has been. So they love being with him. Occasionally, the four of us will do something together like dinner out. It helps them to see us getting along. That can be hard on me because until recently I was very sad and angry when I was around him and I had to hide that from them.
I am trying to let go of the anger and sadness as much as I can. All it does is keep me from having the life that I want. I believe he made some terrible and selfish choices that impacted the children and me but if I spend my time dwelling on that it just deepens the impact and that part would be my fault not his.
They've been handling the news well - I am sure I'll see blowback at some point but right now it seems to be going fine.
They were used to him travelling a great deal and being away from him so as long as they see him on a regular basis and talk to him before bed each night, they are doing well. We have occasional sad moments and I let them have those. We talk about how it is okay to be sad but then I reassure them how this doesn't change how much they are loved. They are remarkable people really.
I was very upset about the impact on them and I know they are changed by this in ways we'll never know. In the end with the love and support of both of us and our extended families, I believe they'll be okay.
When I talked to them about moving, I treated it like an adventure. We've moved a couple of times now and we aren't moving that far. In fact, we'll be closer to some family of mine so that helps. They were part of picking the apartment and they got to visit the school and tell me what they thought of it. Making them feel a part of the process as opposed to have this be something that is happening TO them made a big difference for them. It gave them a sense of control over their little lives. It also solidified the three of us as a team (with Mommy as team leader of course!)
I'll post more about the job when it is all said and done. I don't want to jinx it.
Amen to everything you said.
We are trying to care for the children by getting along as well. We, too, will probably continue to do some things together with the kids.
I am impressed you are working through the grief and anger. I am, too, but not fully done with the grief for the kids and the anger at him for his selfishness.
I wish my kids were as adaptable. My older dd is the absolute opposite. Still grieves for our first home from which we moved 3 years ago. I too, try to make it an adventure and fun (I like house hunting personally), but that's not how it feels for her.
We meet with a prospective child counselor tonight. Would love for it to be the right person, but not sure for a host of reasons. I want someone to get to know my girls pre-divorce so they can monitor the changes wrought by the divorce.
Good for you and your children that you are glass half full folks!
Keep sharing!
M
"You know what I need? A really great kiss."
LOL! Deliver me NOT into temptation. With all that is on my plate already... ? Kisses are like potato chips, you know it's never just one.