You will not believe this one
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| Tue, 01-31-2006 - 6:11pm |
I just divorced my ex in under two months and took the baby 4 states away - he signed the agreement to this end. go figure - sounds like a great father right? he has weekend visitation in my home and chooses not to use it and blames me b/c he doesn't have the money to travel out here. He signed the contract!!!
I did this after he cheated on me - started when I was 6 months pregnant. I caught him when our baby was 5 months old. I immediately kicked his a$$ out and even though we are divorced it's a fight all the time about something. He did not just cheat on me - he lied about huge financial issues and was addicted to porn - which I did not know until after I kicked him out.
This time, he replies to an email I sent claiming he did not send the email I was responding too - mind you, it came from HIS email account. He won't tell me who broke into his account and responded as him - even though he has a sneaking suspicion who it was. I NEVER get to know what the hell is going on.
Anyway, I'm not an idoit. I know it was the girl he's with now. The one that is apparently worth the total destruction of our family.
So now I won't email him about the info that needs to be discussed. I prefered email than the yelling matches by phone - he is a bad yeller. But I do not trust who the heck is responding in his name.
Just when I think I will find peace, he and SHE pulls some crap like this. And I'm left reeling. And now I don't even know what emails were sent by him and which were sent by HER over the last couple months.
It's amazing to me how one betrayal leads to another and another and another until all of sudden you don't know what the hell WAS real during your ENTIRE 7 year relationship. How will I ever trust again?
Please help!

unfortunately, I don't have an answer..but I empathize whole heartedly. I too am questioning the whole 13 yrs together. I am at the point now where I can't ask him any questions because I will only think that his answers are lies.
I kinda think my stbx has told so many lies he is believing them himself..
arrhgghh!
Im right there with ya, (((hugs)))
Annette
I'm struggling with some of the same trust issues myself... I just try to take it one day at a time and not assume that someone will treat me poorly as a result of something that my xh did... its not always easy, and I am trying to protect myself, but without actually shutting myself off... if that makes sense...
*hugs*
Julie
Wow - I had thought e-mail was a pretty OK way to communicate - but I guess you don't really know for sure who sends them. I have been relying on e-mails as I like it that I can print them off and keep them as documentation....and also it *usually* reduces the fighting. I may have to rethink that.
It is hard to deal with an ex that lied and cheated or hid things from you - those are pretty good reasons for booting the person out of your life. Unfortunately, if there are kids involved - you still have to deal with that person - which can be tough if they do the same kinds of things post-divorce. I am in that particular boat myself.
My xh hid his thoughts and feelings from me, would lie and he also ended up getting into porn. (He'd like to look at it when I was busy nursing our baby - I think he knew I would not walk in on him.) After I found out what he was doing and spent a year trying to work on things, we finally divorced. That last year was a doozy and I definitely walked away wondering just who the h*** I had been married to. After finding out all the things that he'd lied about and hid from me, I had no idea who he was.
I still feel like he is trying to manipulate me - and we've been divorced two years now. Although we've had some ugly things said (the worst was when he tried to tell me I couldn't go to my son's special events if he was going to be there with the gf - including ds's graduation and wedding!), it hasn't been too bad. About the worst he does is skip his time with ds if he has something else more fun to do - he is a dad when it is convenient for him. He is at least up-to-date with the child support.
Our communication was never that good and it is still bad. He'll say one thing one week and then say something else another week. He 'forgets' things and break promises. With what I saw in the 13 years I've known him, I do not trust him. I've recently decided to detach as much as possible as I do not want to live a life where I am reacting to his bad behavior all the time. I am going to try to have back-up plans for just about everything that he could affect - so when he does his stuff, I won't be left high and dry. I do not want to give him the power to make my life miserable.
I also document everything - every phone call, text message, e-mail, etc. - and I take notes when we talk in person. It is exhausting to do sometimes, but I've had that advice from several other divorced ladies. If you ever need that history - it will be there.
I do not think I will ever trust the xh again, but I have met and dated some other guys and I know now that they are not all like the xh. I hope that I learned from the experiences I have had so that if I see bad behavior in a new guy, I'll see it and boot the guy out early.
I think what we need to do is learn to trust ourselves - to know that we are worth being treated well, that we won't tolerate being mistreated in the future and that we will take steps to protect ourselves. I know some people are pretty good at hiding things, but they can't keep up the front for forever.
Please know that you are not alone! Best wishes!
Im sorry for your pain.
This is what i would do.