you won't believe this.
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| Thu, 07-21-2005 - 1:12pm |
I had to go to court today. I was subpoened to testify against my stbxh b/c he hit me with his truck (i was in my car). this happened about 5 months ago.
Well, I go in and tell them to go easy on him. No jail, give him probation and counseling.
Well, he refuses to plead guilty to domestic assault. His attorney says an open docket and I have to go to counseling as well.
I said hell no. Fine, go to jail then.
Then his attorney says she will charge me with domestic assault and reckless driving if I don't take that.
If I am charged with domestic assault then my son will become a ward of the state.
So I had to take the open docket and counseling for us both separately. He will have to go to classes for abusers and I will have to go to a support group for abused women. His attorney tried to make me go to anger management classes. But my state doesn't have anger management for women, so I go to the support group.
There is no justice in the world. I went in a victim willing to compromise and was attacked and made a perpetrator. That prosecutor did not fight for me at all. I had to call my mom (a paralegal) for advice.
He also recently got back together with his girlfriend after spending monday night at my house. But that's fine. In his eyes I'm abusive and crazy. He told me this morning before we went into court that I wasn't worth the dirt on his shoe and no one in his right mind would stay with me. I cried. He got up and moved to another seat.
Then after the hearing he called me and left a message about picking our son up today b/c it is his day. He asked me to call him back. so i did, like an idiot. Then he started a fight and then said he was calling his lawyer to tell her I was harassing him.
He abuses me. Mentally. He has cheated on me with this same girl for the entire first year of our marriage. Now not only is he trying to abuse me and hurt me but he is also trying to put me in jail.
Someone please tell me, how is it possible that I am the bad guy. That I am the one in the wrong. How is it possible that I am evil in his eyes or in anyone's. What did I do to deserve this. Why. Why me?

You are not evil or the bad guy. I'm not sure what the attorney was doing saying she was going to charge you, attorney's don't charge people, police and prosecutors do. Either way, having to go to a support group doesn't sound like much of a penalty (if there had to be a penalty) and maybe there will be something in it you will find helpful.
What you need to do now is start to insulate yourself from him. Don't give him the chance to bring you into the drama and cause more problems for you. Don't talk to him on the phone, communicate by email or let him leave you a message. Don't do exchanges with ds at either of your homes, pick a neutral place where there are witnesses. If he starts to argue, cut off the conversation and don't argue back, if you need to know something like "What time do you want to meet to pick up ds" then repeat that one question until you get an answer or say "When you are ready to tell me what time call me back" and hang up.
I know it is all easier said that done, but you can work on it to make the situation tolerable. I am sorry he's such a jerk and he's dragging you through all this, but his ability to do that is going to come to an end.
ITA with firstamendment regarding cutting down contact. The two-liner has been a lifeline for me: "I'm not going to discuss that" and click goes the phone. He knows how to make you talk, how to pick a fight, which buttons to push. And you end up having to break the buttons so they won't work anymore.
As for the support group, that's a lemon you could make some serious lemonade from. I know you don't want to go and you certainly don't want to be forced, but watch and see if there's anything you can get from it. Be honest with the group leaders about why you're there and I'll bet they won't push you. I wonder what the attorney was thinking. It's not going to help her client if you get real support. If that group makes you feel any better, it's going to backfire on him.
Best of luck. I'm sorry things didn't go better.