Young, and I want the divorice
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| Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:38pm |
I am 23, I got married at the age of 20. I married when I thought I was ready. But now I feel trapped. I don't feel as I got a husband, he acts like he is my dad. Telling me what I can and cannot do, who can be my friend and who cannot. I have to do everything on his terms. I have tried to be my own person within the relationship. But it never works.
I see that I have made a mistake. I should have waited. But he was in the military and was off to Germany. But that's another story.
I just feel trapped. Like if I do decide to go ahead with this, I will not be able to live. I know I make enough money to live on my own, but it's just the fear. I have come to depend on doing what he says.
I just wanted to hear stories and advice on what you have done to become more self-reliant. I just feel alone.

My story is different and not different...
I got married at 21. Thought I was ready as well. And as it turns out, I was ready. He wasn't. 4 1/2 years later, her realized he isn't capable of being a partner. But over those 4 years, I felt very trapped at times! For me, I became the "cheif breadwinner". That REALLY helped! It was a hard transition for me, because I went striaght from living w/ my parents and them taking care of me, to living with my husband who, 1 year into our marriage, become unemployed for FOUR MONTHS! I noticed that to make the household work, I immediately gave up the extra things I was doing that was costing us money. When I asked him what sacrifices he could make to help us stay afloat, he didn't have any ideas (though he was in a martial arts class that was costing almost $100/month). That is pretty much how our reletionship worked - I'd sacrifice and he'd say "no" or discourage me. It was "my way or the highway" with him. There was no middle ground.
If you are truly done w/ your marriage and do not think it can be worked out, sit down and have a heart to heart with this man and tell him. Be open about how you're feeling. If you make enough money to support yourself, but still love him, maybe a seperation would be better to give you a chance to get on your feet and see what life is like on your own for a period of time you both decide on. Then you can weigh the pros and cons and come back, or proceed w/ a divorce. I am a firm believer that you must communicate your feelings to your partner. Remember - this is someone you once loved, or perhaps still do.
Now, I've been seperated from my STBX for about a month. I'm 26 and it's my first time living as a single adult... AND I LOVE IT! I've come to covet my space. I enjoy having friends over for weekends to visit, but after that, I'm ready to have my own space back again. It's very empowering.
Try to think - "What's the WORST thing that can happen out of this?" It's probably not as bad as you think. You go ahead with the divorce, you'll have the space and freedom you crave. If you decide not to, you BOTH may have a newfound respect for one another.
Best wishes!
- J
- J. Darling
Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr