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| Thu, 01-26-2006 - 2:43pm |
I know many of you have told your story about what has brought you here. Being a re-newbie I would like to hear yours (if you're so willing).
Thanks!
Thanks!

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Hi again Kat,
Here is a post that I just did on "hot topic, snooping"
Here is my story:
About 3 years ago there was a lot of tension in my marriage. I felt that my husband was just stressed from his job as a police officer and was in the process of changing departments. I had just been giving him his space and making sure that when he came home he could relax and not worry about anything. The processes were completed for his transfer and he was going to be away from home for 3 months for the training and only coming home on the weekends. One day I was getting our tax information ready and I was going through a pile of receipts in his work backpack and I came across a plastic bag with a card inside… My first reaction was “how sweet he got me a card before he leaves”. I didn’t peak at it and put it back. The next week he left at night to go to training. Later after I put the kids to bed I remembered the card. I just figured he forgot. A couple weeks passed and no card! That when I decided to snoop. I looked all through his closet and nothing…. Then I thought his car….. I never drive it. So off to the garage. That is where I found it… the card. But it wasn’t for me. Not only did I find the card for his girlfriend but her name, phone numbers, and oh yeah the parking pass for her apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I almost died! There is nothing in my life that has come close to the devastation that I felt at that moment. I fell to the floor and sobbed for god knows how long.
So, I guess if you snoop make sure you are prepared to find what you might not expect!
Taylor
Hi Kat,
I don't mind sharing ,but I had to go back to my original post to remember where I started. So for time sake I just copied my post. Here goes.
K:)
Hi everyone!
I'm new to this board however I used to post to the step-parrenting board several years ago. Since then I am no longer a step parrent. I left my ex Dec.52001 after he smashed my cell phone.(I can get into this more another time)
I'm now divorced as of may 27,2004. My problem is this the ex for the three years we were seperated, has told my girls that we would get back together. He would even have them say a specific prayer everynight. I had already told him and the girls that under no circumstances would I ever get back together with him. My dd's are age 10 (this sat.) and 8. They are the best things that ever came out of my marriage.
I tried for full custody and was told we had to enter into "conflict resolution classes".
Currently we have sharred custody. We live in the same school district we even are on the same school bus route. The first in my list of vents is that ex gets kids to school M,T,W and every other TH. The first two weeks of school he had them ride the bus because we had a court date and he knew tardiness was an issue for me from the previous year.
Since this court order happened he has had the kids late to school 32 times since the beginning of school. I'm considered primary resident for the purpose of their schooling.This means that the school always contacts me for anything therefore I'm getting the letters from the principle about being tardy.
Counseling is not going well at all. Everytime I have a joint session with him I'm depressed and feel like I can't live in a sense.I guess numb to the world. By the next day I'm better. I just can't seem to get anyone to realize how irresponsible he is. For the last couple of months my 10 yo dd has been telling me she wants to live with me full time This really frustrates me because I feel trapped by the court right now. She loves her dad but can't stand the way he is. She is very smart and is realizing how much her dad has lied to her.
He has also been dating someone he met over the internet for ,it will be a uear in June. This woman has been sleeping in his bed for just about as long but as the girls tell me "They sleep with their clothes on". I've been noticing signs of this woman being there alot more foten lately. I asked the girls if she was moving in and they tell me no.Until yesterday. They said guess what , she's moving in. Just 4 weeks ago he was telling me that this person would be totally fine if I decided to come back. I just don't get him at all. He always is do what I say and not what I do. He keeps trying to control me even through the counseler. At this point I have stopped going because I feel so much better when I don't have to deal with him.
Sorry this is so long. If any questions please ask and I can clarify. Iknow I jumped around alot. There is still much more but thats all I can do for now.
Thanks for the ear
Hi Kitkat!
Here's my story:
My stbx moved my family from our home town in July for a new job. I though this was great. We were a happy family and going to have a great experiance in a new town. We have 3 girls(9, 5, &3) and one son(7). I havebeen a SAHM for the better part of our 9 year marriage. I thought our life was good. He had been working out of town for about 6 months before our move and other then missing him terrible I thought our marriage was better then it had every been. I found out after we moved that he had become someone I don't even know anymore. He had started drinking heavily and he had a "friend". He swears she is just a friend and doesn't understand why I can't accept that. Maybe it's because a married man should never have a female "friend" that he activly hides from his wife. Maybe it's the fact that he calls her between 7-20 times A DAY depending on how many times she awnsers. She also calls him about 5-10 times A DAY. They talk for hours! What kind of friend is that? There have been 2 other secret "friends" through the course of our marriage. At least that I know about.
He decided he wanted a divorce. His reason: he will always love me, he just can't be with me anymore. I don't love you the way a husband should love his wife. Well, DUH! I don't think that's a good enough reason to end an 11 year relationship and distroy 5 peoples lives. We are still living together untill I can get the money to file and move. We will be moving 4 hours away to live near my mom so I can go back to school. Hopefully we can got this all done soon. I am so tired of being hurt. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling like I've had my heart ripped out. I would do anything in the world to save our marriage if it ment it would be a good marriage. I know that is not going to happen though. I am so ready to move on with my kids.
Hey Kat, Here's my story:
I came here when my divorce was almost final. I needed the support and lurked before that, but I was afraid. This has been a wonderfully supportive place.
On March 4, 2005 my husband of 15 years ( we'd been together 20) handed me papers that kicked me out of my house, took my children, and filed for divorce. He told me he didn't love me. I was/am in total shock. We weren't perfect, but I didn't even know he was unhappy. He says I should have known. I knew I had been unhappy a times, but not enough to divorce. I still have to remind myself daily that it really happened. I lived with my sister until June when I got my house back and a 50/50 parenting plan in place. My divorce was finaled in August.
On a side note: I still love my ex husband very much. I miss him very much. I still pray for God to change his heart and for him to come home. This is tearing my children apart and all I can do is sit by and watch. I still question why it takes two people to decide they want to marry, but only one to get a divorce. I do not believe that not being in love anymore is a good enough reason for divorce. I believe God put us together for a reason and he had no right to break his vow. I have severe depression which is treated with 2 antidpressants, 1 sleeping pill, and twice monthly therapy sessions. I occasionally have suicidal tendancies. I want the stability of my family back. I wish he was in as much pain as I am, but he doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself. My children are a mess. 10 yo is very sad. He cries nearly every evening. 12 yo is angry. He is terribly rebelious and his grades are now in the toilet. I know for some divorce is the answer. In my case I disagree. There was no affair or abuse. He just stopped loving me. I wonder if he ever did.
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
I would love to read everyone's story! What a good idea.
I met my STBX when I was 19 and he was 20. We had a whirlwind romance, moved in together, and I was pregnant shortly thereafter. During my pregnancy, he suddenly had a female “friend.” She paged him constantly, they went out most nights, etc. It was so painful and I was so shocked, it was unbearable. I moved back in with my parents for a few weeks, but I was terrified of being a welfare mother at age 20, so I went crawling back.
Finally, when our son was 3, we did get married. I think we both knew this was a mistake. I gave him an ultimatum…he was afraid of loosing me, and I was afraid of not being able to provide well enough for our son. So basically, our whole relationship was based on fear.
Even prior to our marriage, STBX went out ALL the time. Five or six nights a week until 4am. Our son used to stand at the door crying for him to come back. As the years wore on, he came home earlier, but he was basically completely emotionally distant. And help with ANYTHING around the house? Forget it. We had a large, steep yard, and he would get so mean if I ever dared to ask him to come home after work and help shovel snow or do yard work. His answer was always, “I’m busy…I have plans.” He never came home for dinner, instead he spent his money on meals out CONSTANTLY. He always had time and energy for dinners out with his buddies, parties, happy hours, lunches, dinners, poker, golf, etc., but never for his family. I was basically a single parent raising our son, except I did have some of his income when he wasn’t wasting it.
About three years ago, things became unbearable. He was NEVER home, literally. On a couple of occasions, he just stayed out all night without a phone call. He insists he wasn’t cheating, but honestly, what was I supposed to think? I filed for divorce. Foolishly, I got cold feet, and we tried to reconcile. We even went to counseling. Things were OK for a few months. Then, it was the slow backslide into poker, friends, dinners out every night, etc. For the last 9 months we were together, I can count on one hand how many dinners he actually at home. After I put our son to bed, I used to sit on that couch half the night, so lonely it was unbearable. At one point, I honestly contemplated suicide. I felt so rejected. How could ANYONE want me if my own husband didn’t? It crushed my self esteem. I asked him to go back to counseling with me. First session? He called during the afternoon because he wanted to play poker. Second session? He decided to play golf. He did show up to the third session, but left half-way through, because he didn’t have “time for this.”
So that was it. I filed for divorce in August. He suddenly decided he would change, he wanted me back, etc. The relationship was long dead. You do CPR on someone that’s had a heart attack, not on a corpse, which is what our marriage had become.
The divorce should be final in February, hopefully. I had been emotionally divorced for a long time prior. I realize that now. I honestly thought I was such a bad person that I deserved to be ignored and mistreated. Fortunately, I know better now.
Hi, I'm Julie, mom to Joey (4)...
I've been separated for three years this summer and divorced for two in April... my xh cheated on me with someone he worked with (never admitting of course) and then moved away with her the week after the divorce was finalized. He is not very involved with Joey (only saw him once all of 2005) and is more than $10K behind in child support... I have filed for full enforcement through my state, but since he is out of state, that other state becomes the enforcer and that state (Louisiana) is still getting its stuff back together after Katrina... The good news is that he is now working for the city of New Orleans, which ~should~ make his check easier to get at, once they get their stuff back together...
Joey and I live with my mom, which is great because I have her help with Joey and I don't have to worry about if and when I get my child support... yes, I would still like to get it, (and I know Joey deserves it), but being here, I'm not dependant on it, as I would be if we were out on our own... which I would like to do eventually.
*hugs*
Julie
I met the monster when I was 19 and didn't know any better. I was a bit shy of guys and so had never really dated before. Perhaps I was terrified of being faced with having to meet someone again, if I sent him on his way. I actually did send him on his way only months after meeting him, because of behaviour that would later get worse. But the fear, not of being alone, but of having to go out and meet new guys, was terrible. I got a college degree, he dropped out of college. Then we got married, though almost not because of his behaviour again. My head was so thick I just couldn't take the hint. I had a son about 4 years after marrying, and several times of almost leaving him again. I almost left while I was pregnant. But never did.
He was cruel, cheated on me, did drugs, drank heavily at times....I fixed two holes in the wall from him punching through it, the floor was ruined in one place from a dish being thrown so hard against it, two doors had been ripped off their hinges during that time......and the tears, so many tears. So many times he just took off for a day and night without so much as a word why. So many times told how stupid I was(um hey, college degree here, drop out there?). Even a gun pointed to my head. The worst came when I got my first true professional position. Such intense jealousy from him and the drinking and drugs increased. He slammed a fist into my chest one night, breaking ribs, and kicked me violently while I was on the floor. I should have called the police that night but didn't. It continued on for a couple more years like that. I believe he was regularly cheating on me throughout the marriage, but for sure the last one or two years he had a regular girlfriend I had no clue about until it was over. By then I was already checked out of the marriage. I actually wished he would leave me but he didn't. He was telling me he wanted to work things out and have another child even while his new relationship was picking up pace. I wonder if she knew he was saying those things to me. I filed for divorce in November of 2004 and took my son to hide from him. He was infuriated, tried suing me over nonsense things, emptied all bank accounts, then took off to live with the girlfriend. Last I heard he got married to her. She can have him. It means less likelyhood that he will come bother me again.
The divorce was final in March of last year, the custody (sole to me) was given this December. He never sees his son, doesn't call or write, doesn't send presents or cards. I don't think he cares. I don't think he ever cared about either of us. Just as well. He is closing in on 10k in overdue support, not to mention paying me back money stolen from my own funds, bringing it closer to 15k. But my son and I are much happier now.
Hi Kat - welcome.
I will make it as breif as i can. Married STBX 7 years ago. He was an alcoholic, but i was in denial (as was he) b/c i thought "he doesnt ALWAYS get drunk when he drinks" or "He doesnt drink every day, he doesnt miss work b/c of it, etc" or "he doesnt get mean" or "he doesnt drink at home".
welcome... i'll give you my story in a nutshell
I was married once when i was young, i was madly 'in love' and just wanted to be with him (in our circles it was not accepted to sleep together or live together before marriage...). we had a son who is now 19. when my son was 3 we got divorced.
Hey,
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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