BF broke into my phone to spy on me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
BF broke into my phone to spy on me
9
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 10:32am

Good morning, I am a 41 year old woman who has been in a relationship for 7 years with a man that is 10 years older than me.  As we have dated he has gotten more and more controling.  The more controling he got the more I pushed back.  Anyway, when he doesn't have his children he will stay at my house for the weekend.  It was becoming more and more alarming that any male that I EVER talked to, he would accuse me of having an affair with.  I was cheated on in my first marriage and would NEVER cheat.  I do, however, value all of my friends including my male friends.  So in an effort to not have problems put a password on my iphone and would not allow him to see my phone.  Over the weekend while I was asleep,  he stole my phone out from under my pillow, broke the password, went through all of my messages and even forwarded some of my messages between friends to himself.... he then deleted the evidence off of my iphone.  When I woke in the morning he was gone... I had stickly love notes all over my house...but, when I turned on my ipad (my imessages default to my ipad) I found the evidence of what he had done.  So first question, would you agree that this is worth ending a 7 year relationship over?  Secondly, are there legal ramifications for what he has done?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 11:20am

Yes I would break up with him over this.  I am a lawyer and i don't even know if this is a crime, but I suspect it is.  I don't think I would bother pursuing it but I would just get him out of my life.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 11:47am

lilac_peony wrote:
<p><span style="color:#000000; font-family:Helvetica; font-size:medium">Good morning, I am a 41 year old woman who has been in a relationship for 7 years with a man that is 10 years older than me.  As we have dated he has gotten more and more controling.  The more controling he got the more I pushed back.  Anyway, when he doesn't have his children he will stay at my house for the weekend.  It was becoming more and more alarming that any male that I EVER talked to, he would accuse me of having an affair with.  I was cheated on in my first marriage and would NEVER cheat.  I do, however, value all of my friends including my male friends.  So in an effort to not have problems put a password on my iphone and would not allow him to see my phone.  Over the weekend while I was asleep,  he stole my phone out from under my pillow, broke the password, went through all of my messages and even forwarded some of my messages between friends to himself.... he then deleted the evidence off of my iphone.  When I woke in the morning he was gone... I had stickly love notes all over my house...but, when I turned on my ipad (my imessages default to my ipad) I found the evidence of what he had done.  So first question, would you agree that this is worth ending a 7 year relationship over?

Not wanting to be bothered with him is reason enough to have ended the relationship long before now. 

Quote:
Secondly, are there legal ramifications for what he has done?</span></p>

Yes. What he did is called "Intercepting a Communique in Transit", which is under the Federal wiretapping statutes. Meaning, he is not the account holder of either the phone or the email accounts.  You are.  Emails are stored on the hosting service's servers and each address is an account, which requires a name and a password to access.  When you read your emails, they are sent from the server to your device to read.  He has interfered with that by hacking into an account he is not authorized to be in, and that is what the "intercepting a communique in transit" means. 

You did not give him permission to unlock/break your password to access the server on which those emails are stored.  You have a reasonable expectation of privacy when you are the only one who can access that information, it's on your cell phone and the email accounts are yours alone.  This is really no different than him opening up your mail, reading it and making copies of it for himself.

You have considerable legal grounds should you choose to pursue it and if you have strong proof of his actions, you would win.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 9:04pm

"would you agree that this is worth ending a 7 year relationship over?"

Yes. Even if it wasn't illegal IMO you should break it off with him. The basis of a good relationship is trust, and it sounds like the trust is gone between you and him. He doesn't trust you around other men, and you don't trust him to the point that you password-protect your phone AND keep it under your pillow while you sleep, presumably so he cannot get it.

You don't need this nonsense. There are good men who won't put you through the drama and mind games. End it now and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 11:12pm

Yes, you can probably prosecute him--but like others here say, I would just break up with him. He obviously has issues and lacks boundaries. Continuing with him can only mean trouble for you.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 12:54am

  I suggest breaking up with him.  It is not worth going thru the courts as unless you go through federal who knows what will happen?    Just break up.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 03-24-2013 - 5:48pm

Why would you possibly stay with a man who continually accuses you of cheating?  And then disrespects your privacy on top of that.  I have news for you, a jealous controlling man isn't doing it because he loves you so much.....he's doing it because he's a completely insecure man and he feels that if he doesn't keep you away from other men, (all of whom are MUCH better than he is - in his twisted mind) that you will absolutely leave him for another man!  I was married to a clone of this man, and I had supposed affairs with all the neighbors, the mailman, the milkman and the cop on the beat!!  Guess what, all the while he was out cheating on me, one night stands, long term affairs, etc.  And he was the epitome of insecurity.  If I said "you're cute"........the answer was "what do you know?"  If I said "I love you" I didn't get that back, I got "yeah, right!!"  Dollars to donuts your b/f grew up in a very dysfunctional family, and he was never praised or made to feel good about himself!  Cut him loose and find a man who loves you and trusts you, even to have male friends! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 03-27-2013 - 1:43am

I think a better question is why would you consider staying with someone who's controlling?  Add to that the control grows then add accusing you of cheating and breaking into your phone.  That leads to the question, "why don't you feel that your worth more than that"?  Yes, please leave asap.

As for legal ramifications, I suspect you'd need to talk to law enforcement in your area.  However it would likely just give him reason to continue to contact you (arguing about the charge) and you'd be much better served to simply have him out once and for all -- no contact. 


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 11:14am

END IT NOW!!! That is just plain wrong and it violates your personal space!! JUSt because someone is in a relationship doesn't mean that you lose your privacy!! His behavior is getting worse and you don't want to end up having to file some restraining order against this person because he's trying to kill you...THAT will happen if you keep up with being with him.He has already accused you of cheating on him with other men.He's probably jelous...correct?You don't need this type of stress in your life.It's a very toxic relationship.Get out.He will not change.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 07-08-2013 - 2:21am

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_caus...

For me there are so many Red Flags...Jealousy

What he did is just wrong...

I think you know it and are beginning to distance and protect yourself...

Ending it would be the option I would choose...

Find some help and support...

~hugs~

Nightangel