bloody tampon laying next to boyfriends bed

Avatar for LonelyLena
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2014
bloody tampon laying next to boyfriends bed
9
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 6:50am

Hello everyone, I have a problem and I am NOT an idiot but just need to see what other people have to say...I am a 48 year old, young looking and attractive woman and can't even believe this...A couple weeks ago my boyfriend picked me up to spend the night, sometimes we sleep at his place on the weekend when he's off of work and sometimes we stay at my place, well, that night I was in his kitchen and he was in his bedroom, I asked him what he was doing and he said he was making the bed, nothing bad went through my head about this until I went in there to go to sleep and on MY side of his bed, on the floor, was an ashtray with a half put out cigarette in in (he only smokes cigars) and laying on the floor next to that was a bloody tampon, which was NOT mine because I don't get my period anymore!!!! Needless to say I totally freaked out and smacked him a couple times which was an involuntary action to my shock....He said he has NO idea how it got there lol well, he does have an old girlfriend who he is just friends with because he says she is crazy and when they were together she was abusive and a drunk but they are just friends right now, he said she probable left it there when he let her sleep over because her mom is always kicking her out of the house, I told him that there is NO reason why he should be letting this girl sleep over, now he works 3rd shift so I know he didnt let her stay over at night when he was at work so she slept over during the day when he was home sleeping, so I know he is lying, I know he is still having sex with this girl, what do the rest of you think? I am sooooooo upset about this and no matter what I say to him he sticks to his story!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 11:27am

What do I think about it?  I think that SHE is a gross pig, and if I were you, I'd tell him to enjoy his "friendship" as I was walking out the door!  Anyone who would leave a used tampon on the floor, even in their OWN home is a disgusting slob, and to leave it there, either she did it on purpose (how to get a girlfriend out of the picture in one easy step), or she's just a disgusting person and/or still a drunk, too.  I think it's the former.  And you're b/f was in the other room making the bed?  Does he have a seeing-eye dog?  He must be blind if he didn't see that on the floor while he was "making the bed".  I have a feeling he was not making the bed, but looking for incriminating "evidence"!  If you want to believe his story about her being thrown out of her own house, so needed a place to sleep DURING THE DAY.........I have some swamp land in Florida for sale!  If I were in your shoes, I would look around for any of my own belongings, pack them up, and wish him a happy life as I walked out the door permanently!  But that's just me!

Avatar for LonelyLena
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2014
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 11:42am

Actually his eye sight is really bad so that's why he didn't notice it, I didn't realize he was trying to hide evidence when he was making the bed until after I found the cigarette and the tampon.. What kills me is, I mean I know he cheated, he just thinks im stupid but I told him that once when I was on my period (before mentapause took over) and he wanted to make love he told me to just take out my tampon and throw it on the floor, I myself wouldn't do it and do not have sex while menstruating but I told him he's a disgusting pig cause he asked me the same thing... The problem I have is I am living where I don't know anyone and don't have a car and live to far from the grocery store so he takes me to the store all the time, If I dump him I'm screwed but I want to dump him so badly, I know he cheated and that is something I cannot tolerate!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010

He has no business letting this girl 'sleep over' regardless of when or why. You're not stupid; you know he's cheating, On the offchance that he's not, and she had some guy over there, its still inappropriate for him to allow an exGF (who's a drunk and crazy) to use his place. My question would be: If she's that bad, why did he left her use his place to start with? Doesn't make any sense.

First thing I'd do is go get tested for STDs and HIV...PRONTO in this case!  Don't talk yourself into staying because you don't know anyone there, don't have a car, etc. You know someone somewhere who can help you. Call them and get out of this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 2:22pm

Well it seems like staying with a guy who cheats on you  & lies to you just so you can get a ride to the grocery store is a pretty big price.  Don't they have a bus or taxi?  If not you will just have to figure something out.  But obviously some woman was in his bed and it wasn't you--if he is in a relationship, isn't it inappropriate for him to have an exGF stay over?  it's not his job to be rescuing her from her problems anyway.  And if they were not having sex, she would just be changing her tampon in the bathroom, right? This is a lame excuse.

Avatar for LonelyLena
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2014
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 3:26pm

Yeah I told him the same thing and he said she has done a lot for him over the past 30 years so he could never let her sleep out on the streets and no matter what I say he just laughs and says I'm crazy!!!

Avatar for LonelyLena
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2014
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 3:31pm

No, there are no buses here at all, I live near the lake and town is miles away....Yes, I've been telling him it's inappropriate and that I'm not going to put up with this crap and he tells me that I just want to start a fight, I know he is rotten to the core...I'm dumping him today, no matter what he says I know deep down in my heart and soul that he cheated, this girl doesnt have any boyfriends, she's to much of a mental case and he is taking advantage of her and ME....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Thu, 05-29-2014 - 6:42pm

Dump him!!! first of all...WHY would he let an old ex even SLEEP in his bed??!! I'm sure he has a couch he could have told his ex to sleep on..IF he claims that he didn't sleep with this person...PLUS The fact that he smokes cigars and there was a half cig there in his room????Just dump him.It was disrespectful to even have someone sleep over at his place...even if it was an ex and NOT tell you the situation since you ARE or WHERE? his girlfriend...Also something similiar like this happened to me...basically my so-called lying piece of garbage EX friend had been wanting me to come over to his place for a while now to either drink wine or play pool.Now mind you he had had a gf awhile back BUT he had told me that they had split up...found out after the fact that that was a LIE....well finally managed to go over to his place to play pool and it was cool.Nothing inappropriate at all...well I had been drinking some and it was getting late and I had told him that I would sleep on the couch but he didn't say anything..well then after awhile I went to his room to lie down..figuring he would just sleep onthe couch...well long story short..he wakes me up and tells me that he feels uncomfortable having me spend the night...mind you this person I had known for 4 yrs and had done it before....well he couldn't even LOOK me in the eyes to explain WHY he feels uncomfortable with me spending the night eventhough I stated I could sleep on the bed...Basically what is was is that he STILL is in a relationship with the same girl that he had claimed awhile back that he wasn't with anymore...he just lied about EVERYTHING and never had the guts to tell me the truth...someone whom he claimed was my friend....so it's not worth it to spend anymore time with this idiot! They like to turn it around and make you think that you're the one acting crazy because you seem so upset about nothing...they're scum of the earth and will get what is coming to them BUT YOU need to take care of YOU and your well-being first!! Liars and cheaters will ALWAYS be liars and cheaters.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
Fri, 05-30-2014 - 3:32pm
LonelyLena, of course he's going to stick to his story. If he changes it now he's really going to look like a liar. What do I think? I think this chick that left her tampon in his bedroom floor is filthy and since he allowed her to crash his place why didn't he give you a heads up about it? Uh Yeah he's sleeping with her and he doesn't mind doing so with or without her menstrual. I'd be careful God knows if he's exposing you to any STD's.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 06-09-2014 - 10:48am

  look at it from a different direction.  You arein an area wheregetting suplies is tough.   His friend has come thru for him.  He is not going to give her up.  However, this is a good time to renegotiate the boundaries.   I also would know that this other female sees you as a possible threat.   Don't destroy bridges you will have to cross later. 

chaika