Boyfriend has a toxic personality
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|Sun, 03-17-2013 - 9:19am|
For starters, I am 29 and bf is 32. We have been together for almost 2 years. I also have a 7 year old son from previous relationship.
Here is the problem:
I noticed that he could be "somewhat negative" shortly after we started dating. I didn't think too much of it. Things were great so after a year, we got a place together. His negativity has only gotten worse. It seems like he is always in a bad mood and complaining. I have always been a pretty optimistic person but honestly, his pessimism has started wearing off on me. I hate it. I've tried talking to him about it and he says he will change. He will be in a great mood and happy for a week (tops), then slowly go back to being that same negative person. He doesn't necessarily complain about me all the time, it is everything else. You would think he had a horrible life. It's his job, bills, him gaining weight, typical issues. But he takes it out on my son and I. He is always "having talks" with my son about things that he is doing wrong (more than once a day). It's always something. He is crabby with him too, which really bothers me. Honestly, it has gotten to the point that I am unhappy most of the time. I used to miss him while he was at work, excited for him to come home and we had sex at least 5 times a week. Now, I feel relaxed when he is gone, irritated when he is home and the sex is about once a week. I don't even try to "be sexy" or "start" things anymore. If anything, he annoys me. I have found things that I used to be okay with, irritating. For instance, it never bothered me that he smoked, had a job at as a cook at a restaurant with no intentions of finding any sort of career and played video games all the time. Now, those things annoy me SO bad. I HATE that he smokes (I brought this up and he got mad and told me he has no intention of ever stopping and would only get irritated if I bug him about it), his lack of motivation in life drives me crazy and the video games annoy the crap out of me. I just all of a sudden feel like I am dating a teenager. It also bugs me that we don't talk about a future, ever. He has NEVER brought up getting married or having kids, besides saying that he wants those things one day (didn't say specifically with me). If I bring it up, I'm "pushing him." When we 1st moved into together, I told him that I wanted to be engaged within a year or so. We still don't talk about it besides him saying "he's not ready" and "doesn't know when he will be." But he swears he wants to be with me and will even say that he wants to marry me "someday", but only after I get upset about it.
So I guess my question is this- am I expecting too much? Is this my problem or am I just starting to see who he really is and realizing that it isn't what I want? I hate the thought of leaving b/c my son loves him like a dad (his is out of the picture). But I almost feel like I could find someone better for him as well. Someone that connects with him, plays with him and is better with him.