Contact to Zero Contact, what's going on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2014
Contact to Zero Contact, what's going on?
1
Fri, 07-04-2014 - 1:12pm

I’m hoping someone can help me…

I’ll try to make this as short and to the point.  I became friends with a guy a friend introduced me to about 11 years ago.  We were just friends, and then it developed into that FWB thing.  We eventually lost communication due to different circle of friends, work, and moving – just general ‘life’ stuff.   After a few years passed, we hooked up again.  Unbenounced to me, the guy had a GF at the time.  I finally found out and confronted him, and he said it was an open relationship so it was “OK.”  I was alright with it after mulling it over in my head, as I do not have any kids, no BF and a steady job, so …. If it’s OK with his GF, then alright.  Of course, as you can imagine, BAD CHOICE on my part.  First off, I began to have stronger feelings for him and that just messed things up for me as he did not have the same for me.  I was basically his ‘last-call’ when no other girl in his black book was available.  Suffice to say, I cut it off and deleted from my life all contact as I thought it would be best to move on.  I was sad and hurt and went through the usual blue period but since have gotten over it.

 

Well, a couple years pass and I hear from him out of the blue.  His father had just passed away and he lost his job then moved to the other side of the US.  He would call and text me and we would skype a lot.  He was depressed, sad, etc.  I helped him through his dark period of his life and even helped his mom with funeral stuff.  He would ‘indulge’ me with sexting quite often and we’d always start and end the day/evening with a good morning and good night text.  Well, he recently has found himself a new GF and again, says it’s an open relationship. But of course living 2000 miles away, there’s no physical contact with him. But when I went on vacation, he’d sext me but would tell me if I want to send pics to email them because he ‘just wanted better quality photos and not the crappy phone pics’  I never sent any photos.  It just didn’t feel right.  Even when I went out of state for holiday, I had mentioned it to him, he immediately said he’d come visit “that is, if you want to see me (wink wink)” ß that’s what he said but  never did hear any more about it.

 

But one thing I miss is the Good Morning and Good Night text which have stopped.  He used to tell me all about his day at work, what he had done during the evening, such as his hiking or biking expeditions he went on with a meet up group or send me links to his photos he’d take. But again, this has all stopped.  I rarely hear from him.  And I DO understand when we get our GF’s and BF’s that it can be time consuming, so to speak, but he was always the one to say, “if I get a GF I will never cut you out of my life, we are friends forever.” 

 

So, I am kind of hurt and saddened by his behavior.  I mean how can we go from texting and calling one week and the next, I hear nothing from him? 

 

When I was in a relationship, I never disconnected my friendships with the gals from work or anything …. I understand ‘boys and girls’ are different….but still I feel left out and kinda sad.

 

Is this normal?  Should I say something about it to him or leave it alone and let him just go on his way again?

 

I admit, I am a bit confused.

Thanks in advance for any suggestion!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 3:05pm

I feel that all this time he has been lying to you when he stated that his gf and him were in an open relationship.Did you ever ask these gfs of his if it was true?Of course you didn't because you believed him.He was just using you until things got better for him. I feel like you...if you're friends..you don't just drop them like that BUT he did with you because although he SAID he was your friend and you would always be so...he LIED.I'm sorry to sound so mean but he's the one who was very mean to you by doing what he did..and that was lying to you all along about being in an open relationship.You only have HIS word and not the words of the other women. Let me tell you..I was in a situation almost like that...long story short he stated that we were friends and we use to chat a lot over e-mail a lot..I would chat with him about ANYTHING...well last yr although our fwb thing was over a long time ago..I did end up sleeping with him twice last yr BUT it was the 2nd time that I did...well I found out MUCH later that he had just started to be in a relationship with someone....oh and it was in the SAME month that I had slept with him.Now IF he had been a friend to me...wouldn't you have thought that he would have talked to me and said that he's met someone??? INSTEAD of keeping it some sort of secret ?? Your friend didn't respect you enough to even tell you that he had a gf..even if they supposedly were in an open relationship...he should have still mentioned it BEFORE you guys slept together..at least to see if YOU were ok with it because SOME people are and some people wouldn't be.If he had respected you enough..he would have at least asked.

It looked like he did get what he deserved karma wise when all those bad things were happenning to him BUT you once again thought you were being there for your friend and helped him through it...You need to move on from him.I know it hurts BUT you deserve to be treated better..