Emotional Abuse - I feel like I'm going crazy
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 02-12-2013 - 1:05pm|
I'm new here on the boards and still learning protocol, so please forgive me if this post is long.
I was first married to my husband in '96 and we separated and divorced in '04. This was due to his anger issues. After counseling and therapy, we remarried in '06. The first couple of years were great...no major arguments, no incidents. We also have two children (they are 14 and 11 now). Things have progressively gotten worse over the years. I know, I feel like one of those people you see on Dr. Phil where you yell at the TV, but it's hard when you are living in the midst of things.
He is extremely charming to those outside of our marriage. He can certainly charm the pants off of just about anyone. He's completely different when at home with the kids and me. He was let go from a 10-year job last year, then took another job and quit because he was "bored" there. Since he quit, he didn't qualify for unemployment and has not worked since. I am working full-time and only bringing in about $425 a week. We still have a mortgage, braces payments, bills, etc. He says he is "working" our firewood business, but it's certainly nowhere near what we need to survive. He's even mentioned that I go get a part-time job in the evenings and on the weekends to help out. So far, I've refused. He does nothing to help me with the household while not working. In fact, he adds to my work. The house is trashed when I get home from work. Before I can even cook dinner, I have to clean, and then he still complains that the house isn't showcase perfect. He belittles me, calls me names, complains about how "lazy" I am, etc.
When his parents visit, I am supposed to drop everything to cater to them. I don't mind being with his parents, I really get along well with them. However, when my family comes to visit, he either disappears outside or just ignores them. He gives me the silent treatment because I'm entertaining them and gets very jealous. Last Saturday, my mother took my daughter and her friend to the mall to spend all of their birthday and Christmas money (we'd been planning the outing for a couple of weeks). We were at the mall for about an hour when he called me to tell me to come home soon because I'd already been gone too long and he needed our vehicle. We rushed home because I thought he needed to deliver firewood, but he wasn't even home when I got back. He gave me the silent treatment the rest of the day...three days later, he is still barely talking to me. When I go away for the weekend to visit family, he calls me constantly trying to guilt me into coming home. He can't stand for me to be around friends or family.
When he gets mad, it's always over something petty and is quite frequent. He will get in my face, curse, call me names, etc. One time, he got me outside and then screamed at me for half an hour because I didn't "lay the rocks" perfectly around the pool (we were landscaping). The pool looked amazing, but it didn't stop him from screaming at me (I was babysitting at the time, too) and "bowing" his chest out to me to indimidate me.
These are just a couple of examples. I'm physically and emotionally at my wit's end. I have recently developed high blood pressure, which my doctor and I are convinced it's stress-related. I'm depressed and, if it were not for my children, I wouldn't even want to go home. I'm not asking for answers, I'm just needing to connect with others who are going through, or have gone through, the same thing. I'm just tired of being sad and tired. I deserve to be happy, and typing that makes me feel selfish, but my kids deserve to be happy, too. Both of my kids have asked me if I'd ever consider divorce again. I hate that it's on their minds, too.
Sorry to type so much.....