The horror of domestic violence will end and life will start

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
The horror of domestic violence will end and life will start
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:02pm

Hello, at one time I was just like many of you, very pissed at my husband for everything he put me thru.  I didn't think life could be so cold to me and I wondered each day how I would face this abuse both mental and physical.  From the time we were married in 1987 to 2010 I faced his bull.  At first, I thought it was me that caused him to latch out and talk about me as if I had a tail.. Then the physical abuse started.  Each time it got worse from slapping me, punching me, chocking, shotting me with a bb gun, to hitting my knees with a hammer or my head.  So many things he did to me.  I wasn't thinking then about how I would feel later.  Hell, I didn't think I would live later.  Many times, I wanted to kill myself then to suffer another day or night with him.  Or he would kill me. 

Yes, I left him many, many times.  Once I found this website and began pouring out my life on this board.  I was given plenty of advice but I still loved him and I would go back.  Again and again I did so.  Many times, I just needed to get away for a while.  No, he didn't always say he was sorry or that it wouldn't happen again.  He told me, it was my fault and if I hadn't lied to him, he would treat me better.  I believe his bs.

Finally, I left in 2010 around Xmas and I stayed until Februray.  He would call me at work and tell he how he needed me.  But I was determined this time not to go back.  I knew he had cancer but he beat me and I didn't care.  One day, he said he couldn't beat me anymore because he didn't want to die alone and no one would help him but me.  So, I went back, he was very sick.  I stayed until he died in April 2011. 

Life has never been better.  I'm so happy that its unreal.  I am always smiling, dancing and singing.  Ladies there is hope out there.  I prayed everyday for God to rid me of my burden. He answered my prayers and everything since has been easy.

Each day, I pray for all of you.  Ladies there is a life afterwards.  I found one.

God bless you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009

Thank you for updating us on your story.  I'm so glad you have been able to find peace now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2013
I'm grateful you have found peace on the other side of this . . .
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

I'm so glad you're free!  Now go get yourself some counseling to undo the damage the years of living in an abusive relationship did to you.  Even if you feel fine, I promise you, there is much damage; you're just used to what seems like "normal" to you now.  You won't believe the difference it'll make - if you think you're happy now, you won't believe what happy is once you've worked through the damage.  Trust me, I speak from experience  :)

~ cl-2nd_life