How could some men put up with women like that or viceversa? I don’t get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2013
How could some men put up with women like that or viceversa? I don’t get it.
9
Thu, 07-24-2014 - 7:06pm

 

I am not married but I don’t understand some married women behavior towards the relationship they have with her spouses and it is even worse when there are children involved. I mean how could women really live in toxic relationships and believe that is normal don’t they realize is not healthy to live like that?

 

I try to be briefly but I just want to point an example of a lady at work who happens to share the same space as me and if I know many things about her private and personal life is cause she loves to argue and discuss her family problems with her husband everyday at work over the phone.

 

This lady is 24 yrs old and have a 5 yr old  daughter. Her husband works as a driver for some electrical supply company or similar. He is is very unstable in his work cause since I know this lady his husband had been like in 4 jobs already. The thing is that there is no one day that this lady start to vent her problems with her husband over the phone at work and she uses the work phone for that and sometimes her cell phone. But that is an everyday routine for her, instead of discussing things at home before she came to work, she does it at work, like maybe 1 hour after she left home to come to work. I mean she just left home and saw her husband just minutes ago but she continues to speak to him at work to argue and discuss with him. She many times raises her voice to him when arguing over the phone. I know her entire life just for the conversations she had with her husband over the phone and I don’t even know her husband but by the way they discuss to each other I think I already know him. This lady controls her husband in a way that if It was me I already had divorced her.

 

She gets upset when she calls him and he does not answer for whatever reason he could not call her. She questions him why he did not answer her call or her text message and she just call him to ask him that.   They discuss over the phone family related stuff, about her family (mom, dad, siblings or his parents, siblings, aunts cousins, etc), they also discuss about their daughter many times a day. Her mom is the one taking care of her daughter while she is at work, her mom does not work but she loves to watch soap operas, and sometimes this lady calls her mom first to ask how is her daughter and then to discuss with her mother the soap opera she is watching, the plot, the characters.

 

This lady likes to butt in her husband work and argues with him about his work, about the salary he is earning, why is not so much or so little they also like to discuss about home financials, expenses and income. Her husband never butts in in her wife work but she do butt in in her husband work.  But then there are times when she calls him in a lovely way she tells him “Love, how are u today what u doing”? Are u going to pick me up today?  Then all of a sudden she can change her act and could call him and yelled at him for any reason they are arguing or they just call him just to discuss and argue. She even calls him out of the blue at work time to ask him “where are you what are u doing?”, I called  you and you did not respond why is that”

 

The part that I do not understand is that this guy let his wife treat him like that, he is  a total wimp, he does  not stand up for himself, I believe. He likes to hear his wife arguing with him or raising her voice it looks like cause since he aint not saint either he also has the bad habit of calling her at work too several times a day, either to discuss something but that something leads always to an argument.

 

I feel for their daughter for sure for being raised like in that bad environment of her parents. If the husband promises her wife she is going to pick her up at work (she does not have a car but the only car they have at home is the one the husband has and it is registered under his wife name!!!)  at a certain time and he is not arriving on time or it is running late, she calls him to ask him, where is he and why he has not arrived that hurry. She really controls him but then again the guy is a wimp but also has his bad habits too.

 

I know all of this cause just for the calls they made to each other and Im seated very close to her,  I already know their entire personal life hehe!!  Imagine that when they argue there could be visits or clients and she does not mind discussing with her husband while clients are in the waiting area. So embarrassing!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I can't believe that you work in a place where people can spend so much time on personal phone calls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

@Music:  She is not in the US, so maybe some countries are like that.  And I cannot believe how someone could spend so much time digging her nose into other people's business.  Clearly not enough work to do in this company.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Firstly, it's not your business, you don't live in their home, and you are only hearing one side of the story.  Secondly, either you, or a supervisor should tell this woman to take care of her family business at home, not at work.  Especially if the clients or customers can hear these conversations.  There are all kinds of people in this world.  Some men need to be led around by a dominant wife, and some women need the same from a dominant man.  That's a personal decision, and if they don't like it, they will get out of it.  The biggest problem is a 5 year old child in the middle of it, and she should be reported to Children' Protective Services for child abuse. If you're tired of hearing it, report it to someone in charge.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

How this couple chooses to conduct their marriage is their own personal business and has nothing to do with you or me so I would not express an opinion on why or how either of them put up with it. It seems to work for them because they are still married. Nothing you said indicates that the daughter is being harmed, and for all you know the parents purposely do not argue in front of the child and that's why they do it during working hours. Whatever, still none of your business.

The part that IS your business is how it affects the workplace. Where is the supervisor during all of these frequent and loud personal phone conversations? Is the supervisor aware that clients can hear the lady?  (has this actually happened or are you theorizing that it COULD happen?) If you cannot conduct your work because the coworker is too loud or distracting, or you have to do extra work because she doesn't complete hers then that is your problem and you should make your supervisor aware of it. If it doesn't affect your ability to do your job, you just find her annoying, then its at the supervisor's discretion for what to do about it.

Maybe you can just ask to move to a different work station away from this woman so you don't have to hear her anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003

Nana,

You have posted a very very long detailed post about a co-worker's personal phone conversations at work.

What is missing in your own life that what your co-workers talk about on the phone matters to you to that extentt?

WHO CARES about this woman, her husband, mother, daugther, problems, issues..? She's nothing to you. Let her talk...

The issue here is, what's wrong with you..? Why does this trivia mattter to you?

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004

I have a similar situation here at my job. A guy who sits directly across from me. I'm not sure this warrants a post on a Toxic Relationship board, but I do understand where you are coming from. I do wonder similarily if his and his wife even speak to each other while at home, simply because of the volume of information that seems to be needed to be discussed while he is at work. I consider it rude and inconsiderate to all of us coworkers around him and it suprises me that it does not register to him as such. Others take their extended personal calls out to the hall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002

I sit between two women who are constantly on personal phone calls, both in English and Spanish but I focus on my work.  My husband calls me multiple times a day to chat, and I always speak softly and for only a few minutes at a time.  Hearing only one side of a conversation does not give the entire story, and for someone else to be listening in on the conversation makes one a nosy person.  If you are that distracted, you should either speak to this coworker, or your supervisor.  It's funny how people with no lives tend to complain about people who have lives...whether they be perceived good or bad.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2014

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2014

How this couple chooses to conduct their marriage is their own personal business and has nothing to do with you or me so I would not express an opinion on why or how either of them put up with it. It seems to work for them because they are still married. Nothing you said indicates that the daughter is being harmed, and for all you know the parents purposely do not argue in front of the child and that's why they do it during working hours. Whatever, still none of your business.

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