HOW DO YOU TELL A FRIEND THAT YOU DONT WANT TO BE AROUND THEIR PARTNER??!
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|Mon, 11-12-2012 - 10:43am|
Hello.I've known my friend for 6yrs.We met at work and I tell you she was such a totally different person socially then she is now.To make a long story short she has had a long streak of dating horrible men.Well a few yrs ago she and I went out to a club and that's where she met her future bf/husband who she is now twice divorced from him.Well before she had started dating him,she'd still go out with her friends,she would be easy to reach on her cell(she was always attached to that thing).Well when she started dating him,I didn't hear too much from her.I was thinking that..well it's a new relationship and sometimes you know people get all caught up in it.I did notice that the times I did get her on the phone...it felt rushed.She wouldn't have time to be on the phone for too long.Well it was much later when I did get a chance to hang out with her alone...we had gone over to another friend of ours and that's when she proceeded to tell us what REALLY she was going through.Well to get to the chase..he's been verbally/physically/emotionally abusive and not to mention he's possesive.Well inspite of that they got married for the 1st time and of course it ended in divorce.I was very happy thinking that she wouldn't go back to him BUT she did.Then thay got back together and decided to get remarried again.Now before all of that,she had already moved to get away from him and he followed her from work one time and found out where she lived.I had told her to NEVER tell this person where I lived incase she would need to get away from him because of course he KNOWS where her dad lives and other family members.Anyways through all of that...I did keep intouch with her and during her time getting ready for her 2nd marriage to him...I was there to help her find a wedding dress.ALL I really wanted to do was to hang out and spend time with her alone like we use to .She already knew that all her friends don't like this man but I was so done in trying to convince her about him.It was like beating a dead horse.Anyways we were at her apt before we went looking for a dress for her and her partner calls her(he was always calling her out of possessiveness) and when she said that she was hanging out with me...he stated to her and I quote" why is it that when I'm not there she's visiting"...People...I did that on purpose because I had NEVER wanted to be around him.He's not my friend and never will be.I'm HER friend but he;s the type of person that always wants to be in the fold when it comes to her friends!! Why should he have to be around if I'm visiting MY friend?!! Anyways now to the present.Since then I haven't seen her in over 1yr although she doesn't really live that far away.It's because I DON"T like this person and that's putting it mildly.I haven't told you guys everything BUT the bottom line is is that she's always inviting me to come visit her..meaning 'them' because of course he lives with her YET again even after the fact that he one day had taken appliances from the house(he had bought them so he hadn't stolen them)while she was at work and left her.ALL his friends knew what he was planning to do but she was the LAST one to know.Well after that she had gotten divorced from him for the 2nd time and she did it fast SO I thought FINALLY she sees the light and she will NOT take him back.Well I was wrong and I'm done with it.So basically the reason I hadn't told her that I do not want to be around this person is because 1st of all I thought I could get away with just visiting her...meeting somewhere and of course I don't want to hurt her fellings BUT she has always wanted to meet at her home...where HE lives too and I don't want to be around him.So how do I tell this person this?I'm thinking if you KNOW that your friends don't like him....then WHY haven't you suggested meeting somewhere to hang out and just chat and have some fun with YOUR friends for awhile?Why do we have to meet at your home and being around someone we don't want to be around because you're with him??!! We DONT!! I'm just tired of keeping this in for so long.I am VERY tempted in NOT saying anything and just letting the friendship go BUT I feel that I should at least tell her and it shouldn't be a problem...BUT I already know that her partner will make it a problem because say what if she doesn't have a problem with us meeting somewhere and we do...well knowing how he likes to know all her business he will ask her why I wasn't visiting at the home...(oh and I will also tell her that I would not have a problem visiting in her home as long as he's not there.as long as she knows he's going to be gone somewhere for awhile I would come over and visit).So this is where I am. I really have thought about just telling her this in an e-mail BECAUSE everytime I cal there house...he's always there.The straw that broke the camels back happened this past Friday.Basically she calls me around 7 that evening to tell me that she had gotten in trouble and why.It was a conversation between she and I BUT I heard his mouth running off in the background.You don't know how much I wanted to start yelling and cussing BUT I didn't.Oh.and he ALWAYS asks her whom she's talking to..everytime I have called just to chat with her...he wants to know...who she's talking to and it's NOT out of just idle curiosity....it's about being possessive.
So basically this isn't about me talking to her about how she should get away from this guy(been there done that)BUT it's about telling her what I have told you guys here today.I am seriously thinking about just telling her through e-mail because honestly if there is the SLIGHTEST hesitationon her part about what I have suggested...then I will be done with the friendship.
I would like to hear your advice.Thank you.