I can't stop worrying
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|Fri, 10-25-2013 - 10:11am|
Here is my story, long & short of it: I moved in with a guy about 3 years ago. He seemed to be all that I wanted -- tall & handsome, charming & energic, great kids, great laugh, seemingly great job. Well after we moved in the veneer cracked -- he had no money, I started paying the bills. He also was a terrible flirt. I think he had deep insecurities created by an abusive father during his child hood, and he assauged those insecurities but getting the flirtatious attention of women, which he kept right on doing while we were together. Candidly, I understood his need for female attention on some level. The problem was that people would ask him, what about your live-in GF (that would have been me) and in order to explain how he was there flirting even while he had a live-in GF he would be dismissive of me (I wasn't his "type" or I understood and was okay with it). But he would still tell me how much he loved me, how he wanted to marry me, how I was "The One." Even while I was paying the bills.
I know I should have nipped this relationship before it had time to get to a sour place, but I couldn't seem to do that. Maybe I was insecure too. Maybe it's like this is the way you are supposed to be with family. Your kid has a temper tantrum you can't dump your child in the street and walk away. Your aging parent says nasty things. You can't walk away and never speak again. You deal with your family, flaws and all, because they are family. And yet this was a situation that obviously I needed to get out of.
Well, maybe about 8 montsh ago, I started taking steps to move out, and things got rough. There were times when he wouldn't let me leave the house -- he would restrain me, hold me down, put his hand over my mouth so I couldn't breath, have sex. I realized every time I went into the house I was enabling him and yet into the house I would go.
But, then, eventually I left. He still owes me money. I moved on, met someone new who is just a wonderful man. My old BF also moved on, got a new GF, tried to move in with her.
And this is where it all gets confusing. I keep worrying about my old BF. I don't know why. I want to make sure he is okay. I shouldn't do that. I remember his fun energy, his sweet side; I worry also about his children. I actually also am worried that if he is using the new GF like he used me, there could be trouble. He can't get away with that behavior without someone some time making it a much bigger issue. So I can't make up my mind whether I should check in (because he still feels like family) which would not be good for my new relationship. Or give in the urge to check in.
Please don't get me a hard time for having this urge. I think it's wrong, maybe, I don't know. I am just worried. Any advice?